My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 126

JOSH’S P.O.V.

He hasn’t attempted to break any of my bones yet, so I guess that’s a good sign right?

Jayce leans back against the table as I stand across from him resting on the counter. I’m not going to say anything, clearly what he needs right now is to get this shit off his chest and the quicker he does that then the quicker we can start to deal with it.

“I don’t want to lose my relationship with my brother Josh.” He finally begins, although he still can’t look at me when he talks. “I don’t want to sabotage something that I’m finally building again but... Fuck... Why the fuck did you have to pick him? He’s just a kid Josh, he's not ready for what you want from him.” Jayce’s tone is low but the aggression in it is way too fucking obvious to ignore.

And he’d know what Miles fucking wants right? This guy doesn’t know the first fucking thing about his brother, trust me.

“It’s not like I went out of my way to hunt him down Jayce, what’s happened between us is completely mutual. If anything, it was more from his fucking side in the beginning. I don’t know what you think I want from him but I can promise you that I’ve never met anyone who knows their own mind like he does.” Jayce scoffs but I don’t let it effect me, I’m not dealing with him giving me shit on this. “What exactly is your problem here? Is it that there's an age gap between us? Or that he's your fucking brother and we did this without your consent?”

Jayce’s eyes finally connect with mine, but this time he’s not trying to hide his emotion at all, he's pissed. My plan when I stayed here was to keep a level head but without Al here to calm him... Let’s just say that control has never been one of Jayce’s strong suits.

He stands up straighter, clenching his fists at his side as he tries to control the venom on his tongue, but fails miserably.

“If I was fucking Liam would you be okay with that?!” Jayce screams like it's not the most ridiculous fucking sentence. Okay then, shouting match it is.

“That's a bit different, don't you think Jayce?! He's a fucking child! Miles isn't! And we aren’t just fucking, it’s a lot fucking more than that.” All hope i had of us keeping our volume to a minimum goes out the door as I watch him clench his fucking jaw tightly shut and slam the door to keep our voices from travelling to the people above us.

“He's nineteen Josh! He can't even drink, he is a fucking child!” Well that's fucking rich coming from him.

“How old was Aleah when you guys were first together? Seventeen? And you were fucking around with girls way before then too! I guess that's different though right? Because she's a woman?” He may not want to admit it but there's definitely a double fucking standard going on right now.

“You know that has fuck all to do with that Josh.” Jayce was immediately accepting of me and who I loved, but he's also lived in a world of sport where this shit just seeps into your subconscious whether you want it to or not. That toxic masculinity crap runs fucking deep.

“Like fuck does it, if he came and told you he was banging some hot nearly thirty year old woman you'd be fucking high fiving him Jayce! But because it’s me that's not okay right?” Jayce pauses, that's true and we both fucking know it. Jayce and Chad were bars as fucking teenagers pulling women twice their fucking age, he sure as fuck didn’t have a problem with it then.

“It's different Josh... You've known him since he was five... When did this even start for you?”

He can't be fucking serious.

“I'm not going to dignify that with a fucking response Jayce. I'm gay not a fucking pedo. I never looked at him that way, ever. I couldn’t have even imagined seeing him the way I do now back then... Look I'm sorry this hurts you, and I get it’s not fucking conventional, but I thought out of everyone you would be the one who understood what it's like to be with someone you know you shouldn't!”

“It’s not the same fucking thing Josh!” He reacts immediately, throwing his hands up in rejection of my argument, he seriously can’t see the correlation. “What me and Lee had, we couldn’t fucking fight it but at least I tried! At least I had moments of fucking doubt where I realised that I could be tearing her whole world apart. It worked out for us but it isn't like that for everyone and he has so much more to fucking lose.” Jayce lets himself fall back against the table again, his fingers rolling against his temples as the anger seems to let way for a very different emotion. He actually looks... Scared for him.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean Jayce? I’m not going to cost him anything, why the fuck would I?” Jayce looks at me like I’m completely stupid, and I realise a moment too late what he’s trying to say, just as the words leave his mouth.

“For fucks sake Josh don’t be so fucking naive! How many gay basketball players do you know? Something like this could ruin his fucking career, not to mention his fucking life when the whole world finds out about this. What if one day he realises this isn’t who he is, that he's just fallen into a trap with someone older than him who can offer him some of the security he can't get with people his own age? He couldn’t even say he was gay! This is just about you...”

He doesn’t understand.

“I didn’t make him this way Jayce, it doesn’t fucking work like that! Even if it wasn’t me, he always would have discovered this part of himself eventually, it’s how he was born. You think I really didn’t try to fight this? You think I don’t realise how much easier his life would be with someone his own fucking age? He doesn’t want that! You don’t see him for who he really is, I’ve never met anyone as confident and secure in who they are as that man upstairs. If the NBA don’t fucking want him it wouldn't change anything for him, he'd tell them to go fuck themselves because who he is, is so much more important to him than having a fucking ball in his hand!”

Jase goes to say something else but I immediately cut him off, he needs to fucking hear this.

“I know with everything you’re going through, the idea of him giving up a dream you would give anything to keep must be really fucking hard to get your head around, but he’s not you Jayce. He doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about him. Besides, I can’t imagine a single fucking team not wanting someone with that amount of confidence and that fucking skill set with them just because he wants to be with me. Stop trying to come up with fucking excuses and just admit the truth; it’s not about the age thing either because you sure as fuck don’t have a problem with Hannah and Lisa...”

Jayce slams his hand down on the table, the calmness he was trying to portray just a few minutes ago disappearing entirely.

“Lisa isn’t a fucking teenager Josh! She’s not a kid in high school making decisions based on nothing but her fucking hormones! He was already out of control before this all happened and now I don’t know how much of it is him and how much of it is you! I saw Mum this morning and she was a fucking mess, she wouldn’t tell me why but now I can take a pretty good guess that it has to do with this fucked up situation. So on top of everything, you’re now taking him away from his family as well?”

“I never fucking wanted that Jayce,” I take a deep breath, I’m letting myself lose control here and it’s not helping anyone. “I spent every moment from when we woke up this morning trying to get him to call your fucking mum and sort it out, then Cole turned up and –”

“Woke up? This morning! He’s sleeping at your fucking house now!” Now he looks like he wants to hit me and I’d be lying if I said I don’t want him too, at least then we could just fucking scrap it out. “Jesus fucking Christ...  What the fuck is this Josh? I swear to fuck if you are just fucking around with him so you can–”

“I’m in love with him Jayce!”

Oh shit.

Jayce freezes. Both of us just stare at each other like neither can truly understand the words floating around in the air.

I... Fuck...

“You love him?” Jayce’s voice losing any trace of anger or hurt as he just looks on at me with utter dubiety.

Fuck. I didn't mean to say it, I didn't even think about it. It just came straight out of my fucking heart. Fuck.

“Yes.” I won’t deny it, I can’t, admitting it out loud has made me feel better than it ever thought it could. Holy shit. “I'm completely fucking in love with him.”

How the fuck is that so easy to say to Jayce but every time the three words sit on my lips when I’m looking at Miles I just can’t let them leave.

He falls completely into one of the dining chairs, dropping his head into his hands and dragging them down his face.

I’m kind of glad he’s not saying anything right now because I’m not sure I could respond if I wanted to. I could feel it, back at the lake house when we were laying out on the balcony and I asked him to be mine, I could fucking feel it in my soul I just couldn’t say the words.

I am so dangerously in love with Milo Thompson.

Laughter filters down from the upstairs of the house, Al and Miles’ combined sound of joy such a blinding contrast to what’s happening in this room, making both me and Jayce snap our attention to the staircase.

“Jayce–”

“I’m not okay with this Josh. You shouldn’t be either.” He doesn’t even sound angry anymore, he just seems defeated. I think that’s worse. “If I was dating some teenager in high school right now they would drag me through the fucking streets, it isn’t different for you. You can try and dress it up however you want, I appreciate there are real feelings there too, but this isn't what you should want for him if you truly love him the way you say you do. He deserves more than being forced to grow up and give up his life to some guy who’s been desperate to just get married and have kids for years now...”

He’s scared for him, he thinks I’m going to rob him of his time to be young and free. I get it, I really fucking do, but this isn’t something I want either. I want him to go to college, I want him to travel and party with his mates until he passes out. He will have all that, but he wants something else too, he wants to have me when he has all those things. Why can’t we have both? Why can’t he just let Miles make those choices?

“I will support him Josh, I will always support him. But as for you, you really need to think about this. I’ll smile for him and act like I don’t want to rip your fucking head off because that’s what he needs right now, but what he needs more is for you to realise that you're not what's best for him.”

I appreciate that he thinks he's just looking out for his brother right now, but he has no fucking idea what's best for him.

“Do you remember when we were talking at the lake house, you said how much fucking happier he is when he’s around me?” Jayce continues to avoid my eyes but I don’t stop. “You don’t have to like this Jayce, but you do need to accept that it's fucking happening. We are happy together, we are better together. Nothing you do is going to change that.”

Delicate footsteps make their way down the staircase and my eyes meet instantly with his through the open door. The smile on his face is so fucking hopeful that I can’t bear to crush it. I won’t be the one to come between those brothers, if Jayce just wants to fake it then that's what he'll have to fucking do.

He'll do it for him.

It’s not going to be for the rest of our lives, if Jayce won’t believe my words then he will believe my actions because I’m not going fucking anywhere and neither is Miles. He'll just have to learn the fucking hard way that nothing he says will come between us and I’m okay with that.

Al walks slightly into the room, clutching the white tea towel off the counter and waving it around like a peace flag.

“Everybody good in here now? I don’t see any puddles of blood and both your faces seem in good nick, so...”

“As good as we can be.” I answer honestly, not flinching when Miles slips around his sister to capture my waist. He looks deep into my eyes and I have no doubts that he already knows everything isn't perfect because he can read me so easily. He doesn’t need to know exactly what his brother thinks of me, the important part is that Jayce supports him. I can deal with the rest of it.

Al wraps us both up in her skinny little arms, letting her warmth fill the void where her husbands ice has just pierced me. Whatever Jayce thanks, the rest of us know the truth.

“I love you both.” Al whispers before leaning forward and kissing each of our cheeks. “Okay, let's eat some pasta.”

Jayce quickly joins her in the main part of the kitchen avoiding us completely when he sees his brothers intimate placement on my body. Miles practically shoves me down into a seat before grabbing hold of my hand and bringing it to his lips.

“How bad is it? Honest answers only.” That slight smirk on his face is cute but the raised eyebrow holds absolutely no comparison to the killer one that Cole gave me earlier.

“He's not happy with me but he’s not going to fight us either.” Miles nods, but when I see his head flip back to go and say something to Jayce I grab hold of his jaw and bring him back to me. “Don’t. I don’t need him to love me, I need him to love and support you for once, he’s doing that. Just let that be enough for now.”

It goes against every single one of his protective instincts to follow my lead on this one but I think it’s honestly the best thing for all of us. I’ll prove to Jayce that he’s fucking wrong,  I’ll prove it by making sure I make his brother the happiest fucking man on the planet.

Al leaves a giant pot of pasta in the middle of the table, giving us her little ‘loved up’ eyes before scampering back off to get the salad.

Well, she ain’t wrong.

Jayce drops into the chair opposite us, letting his gaze fall down to our conjoined hands for a moment before returning them to his plate.

This is going to be the most awkward meal of my fucking life isn’t it?

“I thought we’d go old school and have banana splits for dessert, you guys like bananas right?”

I’m going to fucking kill her.