Chapter 210

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I've never really felt fear before in this house, but walking into Al's bedroom to find both my best girls standing on the balcony with their arms crossed over their chests like fucking armour, yeah I'm afraid.

I don't want to upset them, I know they're going to say this is all too soon and I'm rushing into things, but that's only because they don't know what it feels like to not be where you want in life. They already have all their dreams completed, I don't have any of mine yet.

A little bundle of blonde ringlets goes running past my leg in a blur, quickly being chased by her older brother, his colouring far closer to my own than his sisters. They hardly look like siblings even though they act more like fucking twins.

I don't often say this about kids... but those two are fucking evil.

Poor Heather, all she does is spend her life trying to keep them out of trouble. It's not going to be an easy road for her.

"Cara! No running by the stairs!" Al shouts pointlessly at her daughter, just before I watch Jayce grab the back of both her and Chase's dungarees right at the moment they were about to send themselves barrelling down the staircase like fucking bowling balls.

At least they aren't throwing actual fucking bowling balls this time.

That little girl is the opposite of Heather in every way. They say you never get two kids the same but apparently getting an angel and a devil in one family is very fucking common. Cara was named after two of the most important people in their lives; Cole and Tara, yet she doesn't remotely share either of their laid back attitudes.

I close the bedroom door gently behind me, earning a nod from Jayce as here wrangles two of his children into his arms and leaves me to my fate.

"So, want to tell us what the fuck is going on with this whole engagement bullshit?" Al shoves her elbow into Brie's ribs when she hears the tone of her voice, although she's trying to look stern herself she's never been one for confrontation like Brie is.

"She didn't mean it like that Josh." We both know she did, Al. "We are just surprised is all, you guys haven't been dating that long and we didn't realise your feelings had grown to that point, the last time we talked you about him you hadn't even–"

"You guys haven't even fucked." Thank you so much Brianna, I really needed reminding of that. "How can you marry someone you can't even let in you, Josh? This is fucking mental."

Al grabs hold of Brie's shoulder, shoving her down into a seat and shaking her head before pulling one out for me. I know they're concerned, they love me and I think deep down they know I'm not ready for this with him, but it's where my life is. Offers like this don't come along everyday.

The world isn't dripping with gorgeous, kind, funny, eligible gay guys that are ready to shack up with an emotionally stunted dude in his thirties who already sort of has a kid. I'm lucky to have found him at all.

"Not everybody's relationship is about sex Brie." I respond, earning a signature fucking eye roll from her. I don't expect her to get it. She found the man she wants for the rest of her life and it worked out, she doesn't understand what it's like to watch everyone around you happy and content with lives that you want but not being able to have it. "Look, I know this came as a fucking shock, trust me it did to me too but... He's a good guy, you both know that, and he wants all the same things that I do. Can't you just be happy for me?"

Brie keeps her face solid but I can see Al starting to bend, her hands reaching out for mine and taking them softly. Cara isn't one for sleep, I can see how tired she is, but there's still so much light in her eyes as she strokes her thumb over my fingers, realizing at the same moment that I do that I'm not even wearing my fucking ring.

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