My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 122

LUKE'S P.O.V.

Oh fuck.

The hazed vision of Eli becomes slightly clearer as the pain ricochets up through my wrist from my hand and instantly sobers my body as I continue to stare at his swollen lips. What the fuck did I just do?

"Luke... What the actual fuck?!" Eli clutches at his jaw and if it hurts anywhere near as much as my fucking fist does right now then I know I'm about ten seconds away from him beating me within an inch of my life.

Holy shit... You did it...

You fucking kissed him you faggot! You're fucking sick!

I need to get the fuck away from him. Now.

Slamming my arm into Eli's side, he winces and buckles over as I throw my body around him from the wall and race for the bedroom door.

The party is practically dead now, I remember how much of my blood is still pure vodka as I stumble down every step until I hit the bottom. Well that fucking hurt... There's a few passed out bodies on the floor and a couple of girls hanging out in the kitchen... Probably waiting for the idiot I just fucking kissed upstairs.

How the fuck could you do that? You were supposed to have this shit under control!

Yanking open the front door, I don't even bother to slam it behind me before racing out into the cool air.

Seriously, what the fuck did I just do? All these months of fighting the fucking urge to touch him and then I go and fucking kiss him!

You need help Luke. You need to fucking fix this before you turn into a fucking fairy too.

You aren't one of them. You're fucking normal! You can't be one of them... Not like him. Not like his little fucking friend slamming a man against a car like it isn't revolting. You aren't one of them.

Which way is fucking home? I knew I should have brought my fucking car, I wouldn't have got myself into this fucking mess if I had. I'm not some cunt that drives drunk like that twat back there... How the fuck did he get me to kiss him? Why the fuck did I like it so much...?

Probably because it's the only thing you've been able to think about for the last six fucking months.

Doesn't make it right though.

Why would God do this to me? What the fuck have I done to deserve this fucking life? He hates me... but that should've been obvious really. Good people don't live like you do Luke, you're a useless piece of shit just like Dad always says... You're evil. That's why you're being punished. You're ill.

I try to follow the path that I'm pretty sure will kind of send me back in the right direction but become disorientated when a blinding light smashes its way against my irises. Why is it getting closer? A sharp twisting pain pulls at my injured wrist as my body is torn from the road moments before I'm hit by the car I couldn't even see, the blaring horn ricocheting around my skull and only increasing my impending headache.

Will you fuck off!

"Luke! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" I look down at the hand on my wrist, following the delicate thin arms up to meet her face. Zoe stands at the bottom of her driveway, a garbage bag still in her other hand and her mismatched pyjamas doing little to cover her trembling body in this chill.

Why the fuck can't I feel anything when I look at her? I should. I tried.

"Jesus Christ Luke, how much have you had to drink? Come on, I'll give you a lift home." I'm not sure which one of the two Zoe's I can see is trying to pull me back up the driveway but I don't fight her, I don't know why she continues to try and be nice to me considering what I did.

She could fix me. It didn't work the last time we tried but maybe now it will?

"Luke!" Zoe pauses at the sound of a voice shouting from behind me but I really wish she fucking wouldn't, I don't want to see him. "Luke, wait!"

No. I can't fucking wait to get better, I need to do something to fix me now... I don't want to fucking see him and feel this way anymore.

Zoe glances back over my shoulder and smiles, he's right fucking behind me isn't he? You'd think my fist connecting with his jaw would have been enough of been a strong enough sign to tell him to stay the fuck away from me.

I can't do this. I don't want to be this.

As soon as I feel his body heat gain proximity on my back, I reach out, cupping the back of Zoe's head and slamming my lips down onto hers.

Nothing. I feel nothing.

But I need to, Zoe is fucking perfect and it should be her that I want to kiss so badly. I just need to keep trying.

Zoe slams her fists into my chest, quickly detaching herself from the kiss before her palm slaps directly against my cheek... Guess I deserved that.

"What the fuck are you doing Luke? Idiota!" She's kind of scary when she's mad. "I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you can't fucking do that to someone... Luke, what's going on with you?" We aren't friends, so why the fuck is she looking at me like she gives a shit right now?

I can't fucking deal with this.

The park that flows through from the Eastside to the South sits just across the street and I don't wait around for anymore of Zoe's fake sympathy before racing for the gate.

My legs really don't want to fucking cooperate with me right now but they are going to fucking have too because I need to get the fuck away from here.

I can hear footsteps racing behind me, but I don't stop, tripping and stumbling with each movement but still pushing forward until I come to the woodlands by the lake. Only to feel myself thrown backwards as a strong hand grips the back of my shirt.

Eli grips my shoulders to stop me from completely hitting the floor, but I quickly shove my body weight into him and sent him flying backwards so he can't get a decent hold on me.

So kissing Zoe in front of him wasn't good enough? What the fuck do I need to do to keep him away... It's fucking easier when he's far away from me...

I try to take off again but he is obviously not got the level of spirits in his veins that I have because for once in his life he's actually fucking quicker than me. I don't even realise what's happening until my biceps are completely held by his two giant hands and my back is pinned harshly against the trunk of a tree.

"Luke! For fucks sake, will you stop trying to run? You look like a dick and you are way too drunk to be out here alone. Just come back to the house, you can crash at mine or I'll get someone to take you home, just don't go walking around this fucking park in the dark drunk." The pressure he applies to my arms isn't painful but the dagger it's shoving into my heart really fucking is.

He needs to stop touching me. Every time he does it makes me want to scrape my skin clean with a fucking razor blade just to get rid of how it makes me feel.

Why does he give a fuck? I fucking hit him! Stop touching me Eli...

"Stay at yours?" I scoff, none of the pain I'm feeling inside evident in my vicious tone towards him. "So you can wait until I fall asleep to rape me bum-boy? Fuck no."

The swelling I've left on his jaw becomes that much more evident when he clenches it, right before hurling me back against the tree trunk and stepping in even fucking closer to my body.

Stop. I need you to fucking stop.

"You kissed me Luke." He's so much stronger than me, even with all the work I've done I still wouldn't be able to escape him if I tried right now. "And you really fucking wanted to. It wouldn't feel like that unless it was something we both wanted."

Both wanted? He wanted to kiss me back...

Eli's voice is soft, it's always been such a contradiction to his hard body. I could listen to him talk about nothing for hours... I have for every class we've shared since I first saw him at try-outs.

I wanted to kiss him. I want to kiss him. I just don't want to want to kiss him.

He can never know any of these things.

"Get your fucking hands off me! I don't know what you thought that was but it fucking wasn't, I'm not fucked up like you. I'm fucking normal." How the fuck is he so okay with this? Doesn't he realise that we're fucking sick? That we need help to stop this, because this isn't who we were born to be.

We're defective.

Eli drops his piercing glare from my eyes down to my lips, the white puffs of exhaled breath that coat the cold outdoor air are sucked away between his own perfect parted ones. His vision bounces all over mine until he begins to lean forward again.

"There's nothing wrong with you Luke..."

I press my head back into the tree as far as it will go but he doesn't stop, loosening the pressure he has on my body when those sweet lips lightly press against mine.

Tears threaten to form in my eyes at just how fucking good this feels, how it's better than every stupid fucking dream I've had about being in this position with him. I hate this, I fucking hate that I don't hate this.

His grip on me loosens completely, letting go of my arms and slipping one of his hands behind my neck to try and deepen the kiss.

It's then, for a brief fleeting moment, I realise I'm kissing him back.

No.

You'll burn for this Luke...

Shoving both my hands into his chest with every ounce of energy I have left, he stumbles away from me so that I can escape the clutches of this oak tree and step over towards the bridge. He looks back at me in disbelief, his thumb gently stroking across his bottom lip... Why is he hurt? I'm doing this for both of us, we shouldn't do this stuff together!

"Stay the fuck away from me Eli! I swear to fuck, if you ever tell anyone that this happened-"

"Luke," Stop using that voice... please. "I'm not going to tell anyone but you shouldn't be so afraid of who you ar-"

"I'm not!" I try to scream but my voice breaks, all the crap in my head taking over my body. Slamming my foot into a rock through frustration, I snap back to face him, channelling the pain into being strong, just like always. "I'm not... this! Just stay the fuck away from me, say anything to anyone and you will fucking regret it Elijah. You can tell your little wannabe boyfriend the fucking same, if you tell him what happened tonight or if he tries to go to his cop friend about my dad, then I will tell them about the fucking crash." Eli steps back, almost as if my words hit him harder than my fucking fists did.

"Luke." His tone changes in an instant, all the softness that was there moments ago quickly replaced when it comes to protecting his precious fucking Milo. "You can't-"

"Yes I fucking can. Stay the fuck away from me and tell him to do the same. There's got to be some serious fucking charges that come with making a false police report and fucking with insurance companies, you two are fucked if I say anything so you'd better fucking listen to me...