My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 172

JOSH’S P.O.V.

That was too fucking much...

I nearly... Fuck, I nearly lost him.

I hold Liam to my chest, Xade follows me up the staircase and straight into my room. I appreciate what everybody downstairs has just done for me but I don’t want to have this conversation in front of all of them.

It isn’t until we’re inside the room with the door closed that I realise Liam has fallen asleep, I should really put him in his own bed but I don’t want him to be in another room from me right now.

Xade doesn’t say a word, realising my predicament as I try to pull the covers back on my bed without dropping Liam, coming over to peel them away for me before I lower my brothers little body into the sheets.

He’s so fucking small, too vulnerable. I couldn’t let them take him, I won’t.

I can’t believe Xade did this, he fucking saved him without so much as a question. We haven't spoken in weeks and I just suddenly ring him to ask for him to use all the pull he has to do me the biggest favour and he does it without fucking hesitation.

He’s a good person, a really good fucking person.

I don’t want to disturb Liam but I don't want to be far from him either. Nodding my head towards the walk in wardrobe, Xade follows me into the little space where we can talk. I wish I could just climb into that bed with Liam right now, my head is fucking pounding from all the stress that the last hour has brought and I know pain killers are going to do fuck all.

He glances around the room as we step inside. It’s very obvious which side has my clothes on which side has Miles’, mine is all ordered and colour coded, his looks like he just threw his clothes at the fucking hangers and hoped for the best.

“Your place is nice,” I try not to laugh, it hasn't really been a day for fucking laughter but it’s funny that he calls this place nice when he practically lives in everybody’s dream house.  “I just wanted to come and check that everything went okay, did they give you the extension to find your father?”

I nod, finding my father was the only fucking option. If I can get him to sign his consent for me to keep custody of Liam then they will extend my temporary custody order all the way until we actually go to court about me gaining full custody of my brother. Chrissy could still fight me but she wouldn’t have as much say.

“Yeah, I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to find him though. He hasn’t been in touch with any of us since Liam was born, nobody's heard a fucking word from him.” I sigh, resting back against the wall of the closet and letting myself fall to the floor. I’m fucking exhausted, I feel like I’ve done a four hour fucking gym session.

I need to call my therapist, this is the kind of emotional trauma she told me I have to fucking avoid.

It’s really weird, I haven’t been around Xade in a long time, and to be honest even when we were spending time together it wasn't a lot. Yet, I’ve always felt really comfortable around him. More so than a lot of people I’ve known much longer in many ways, he's a fuck lot more like me than most of the other people in my life.

He gets it, he understands why I am the way that I am, especially when it comes to Liam. He’s the same way with his niece and all the other kids he cares for, he could never see any of them in pain or distress, just like me.

He slides down the wall into the space next to me, putting his hand on my knee before hesitantly pulling it back as we both stare out of the open door at Liam sleeping peacefully on my bed.

I get why he’s hesitant, I think he’s a naturally tactile person just like me but after how our last chat ended I’m not surprised he feels like he can’t so much as offer me any kind of physical comfort. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind if he did right now, I could really fucking use it.

“Actually, I called the P.I. that I used when you discovered all that stuff with the business, he's already looking into tracking down your father and he didn't seem to think it would be that hard.”

He did that? He did that for me already?

I look at him, really look at him. I’m not sure I even took him in when I saw him in the doorway. He’s still got that thing... that... charm. Some stupid part of me has missed that.

“I... Thank you, you didn’t need to do that. Tell him that I don’t care how much it costs, I just need him found and fast.” It doesn’t matter where in the world he is, Kallie is in Oz and my mother is somewhere off the Pacific. Both of them would drop everything to go get him if they’re closer than me, either of them would hunt him the fuck down to the edges of the fucking earth when we get an address.

I just hope in some ways he isn’t too close, because Brie will probably have his testicles turned into a nice pair of earrings for good measure too if she’s the one knocking on his door.

“Don’t worry about paying for it,” Xade chuckles “I’ve already told him to use every resource and charge it to the company. It’s my last day there on Christmas Eve anyway and I’m not taking so much as a paper clip with me, so they can do this as my going away gift or something.”

He’s finally getting out... Going to live his dream. I’m so fucking happy for him.

“Xade, you can't fucking do that. I’ll pay for it, you’ve already done too much... I don’t know what would have happened to me or him if they'd...” I can’t even say the fucking words out loud, them taking him would have fucking killed me and he knows it.

This time he doesn’t hesitate, the pounding in my head slightly decreases when I press my skull back into the wall and absorb the cold feeling of the bricks behind, just as Xade places his hand on my knee and squeezes it reassuringly.

“It’s okay, you actually had good timing. I dropped off all the Christmas presents down to the head of the department two days ago so I was in her good books.” He giggles, lowering his voice back to a whisper when we both see Liam stir in his sleep. “I’m sorry it came to this, taking him from you should never have been an option...  this system is seriously fucking flawed... How is Milo coping with having all of this shoved on him?”

Miles.

Fuck, I didn’t even ask him.

I know he’ll be thinking that some of this is on him but it really fucking isn’t, it’s on me. I’m the one that should have told them all about us, I’m the one who made that mistake not him. Downstairs all I could think about was Liam, I just wanted Liam to be safe, I didn’t think about how this must be fucking affecting him.

I’m such a shit fucking boyfriend sometimes.

“I’ve still got to talk to him about it, he’ll be fine but I know this will hurt him, he loves Liam just as much as I do.” Xade nods with a slight smile, one I’ve missed. I know that Charlie isn't his biggest fan and thinks he's some kind of manipulative genius who wanted to keep me and Miles apart, but I never felt that way.

He was just a guy that liked another guy, in another universe I probably would have liked him back just the same. He’s very likable, he’s a safe choice. We weren’t meant for each other but I think he’s still the type of person who is happy to see other people happy, even if they hurt him at some point.

“Is there anything else I can do? I’m not sure that I can make your extension any longer but if there's anything else you need for him or anything I can find to make it easier than please just –”

I cut him off as I pull him into a hug, one he seems really caught off guard by. There's not a lot of people that would go out of their way to help you when it has nothing to offer them in return, it speaks highly of his character.

“You've done more than I thought you ever could, it should be me that’s asking what the fuck I can do for you to say thank you...” I hold him tighter through ever word, I need this. “I really don’t think there’s anything that will ever explain to you just how much this means to me... I’m so fucking grateful to you.” I can feel he’s reluctant to hug me back but I don’t give up, if anyone deserves a hug from me right now it's him.

Eventually, he slowly presses his hand to my back before we both break apart again.

We both just sit quietly for a minute, wearing identical smiles when Liam chuckles something incoherent in his sleep.

“How’s ’s Poppy?” Xade’s eyes light up at the mention of his little niece, I think if we’d been able to find a friendship after everything that happened, she and Liam could have been good friends too.

“Lucky to be alive,” He says with a slight hint of bitterness. I look at him with my brows pressed firmly together but he just laughs before laying his head back against the wall next to mine. “She tried to dye my hair when I was sleeping, with felt tip fucking pens! I looked like one of her fucking project Barbie dolls and it took me a week to get it fucking out.”

I burst into hysterical laughter, using my hand to muffle the sound that actually appears foreign in the air considering the circumstances of only a few minutes ago. I think lucky to be alive is an understatement, he definitely doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would take that lying down.

“I’m sure you could’ve pulled it off, called it the new Crayola style or something? Started a new trend.” Xade stares at me with nothing but evil intentions, before shoving my shoulders so hard that I almost fall straight into my shoe rack.

Oh it’s like that is it?

I jump up ready to shove him straight over to the other side, but the light seeping into the room turns to darkness as a shadow fills the doorway, a broken hearted face staring down at the two of us sitting together on the floor of the closet.

Miles.

Shit.

“Miles, we were just-”

“Mum has to go and Brie wants to get back for May, I was just coming up to see if you were finished and wanted to say goodbye? I can tell them you’re busy if you...” His words trail off as he glances between me and Xade. I know that he’s not a naturally jealous person, but he is fucking possessive, and right now I think this is the last thing he wants to see, even if it is purely platonic.

“It’s okay, I was just leaving, I’ve got to get back to the office anyway.” Xade prises himself up from the floor, offering his hand out to pull me up but I just push myself up instead, I’m not sure how Miles would react if I inadvertently held this guys hand in this moment.

Miles steps to one side to let him out of the closet, but Xade stops and offers him his hand instead, one that Miles takes with a slightly less forceful grip than the last time when he practically crushed the guys bones to fucking dust.

“It's good to see you again Milo, I saw the article they did about you in the newspaper, I think I’m one of the only people that still reads those things.” He chuckles, smiling sincerely at my boyfriend. “A lot of the kids my charity work with are kind of basketball obsessed, I think one day you’ll probably earn me brownie points with them, I’ll be able to tell people I knew Milo Thompson way back before he became a star.”

You’re wrong there, he’s always been a star. My stars.

Miles nods politely as Xade starts to walk away, but when I step next to him I can feel the tension radiating all over his body. I don’t know if he’s upset, pissed or just really fucking overwhelmed by everything that’s happened today, either way, he's not himself right now.

“If you get any more trouble over these two weeks then call me okay? I’ll have the P.I  get in contact when he finds something.”

“Thank you.” I whisper loudly at him, trying to make sure none of us wake Liam as he gently opens my bedroom door again and slips out into the hall.

Miles’ body is so fucking rigid, I’m almost scared to reach out and touch him. He knows that there’s fuck all between me and Xade right? Surely he has to understand why I had no choice but to call him when it came to Liam...

Gently, I brush my knuckles up against his just to try and gauge his reaction, but he gives very little away, just keeping his eyes focused on Liam’s tiny chest rising and falling below the covers.

“I had to call him Miles, I couldn’t let them just take Liam when I knew someone that might be able to help. I thought-”

“It’s okay Josh, I’m glad that you called him. I’m glad that you had someone who could fix what I almost broke.”

No, that’s not even close to what happened. It isn’t his fault, not at all.

“No Miles, it’s not like that-” He cuts my words off, reaching behind my neck and pulling my head down so his lips can press gently against it.

Why isn’t he kissing my lips?

“It’s okay Josh,” he mumbles, his lips still stroking at my forehead. “We were all willing to do whatever we had to do. I still am.”

What the hell does that mean? What was he willing to do?

The door shuts downstairs and I’m glad that Brie let Xade leave without giving him a full Oprah Winfrey style fucking sit down interview to get all the details of his life. She loves a good interrogation.

Miles steps away from me, walking over to the bed and tucking the quilt in around Liam before slipping the headphones out of his ears. When did he put those in?

“I’ll stay with him while you go say goodbye, just tell Dad that I’ll meet him at the van when you get back up here.”

Meet him at the van?

“You’re not staying here tonight?” Miles shakes his head and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel like a dagger to the fucking gut. He always fucking stays here now, I can’t even remember the last time that he slept over at the Manor.

This is his home...

“I think that you and Liam really need a night to yourselves, he’ll probably need some bro time after everything that happened today. I’ll be fine at the house, I need a little bit of space just to sort some shit out in my head anyway.”

Miles doesn’t sound sad, he doesn't sound heartbroken. He just sounds defeated, like he's retired himself to a fate that I don’t understand.

“Miles... I get it if you need space but I don’t want you to not be here, you're not responsible for anything that happened today, you do know that right?” He smiles at me but in no way does it reach his eyes, he’s going to blame himself whether I want him to or not.

I can’t force him to stay here, maybe it would do us both good too just have a night to come to terms with all of this...

One.

One night.

Only one.

Right?