My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 84

JOSH'S P.O.V.

By the time I get back to the car with Liam in my arms, I already have another four missed calls from Brie.

I know she's really angry at me but this feels a bit fucking excessive.

I'm a coward. A fucking coward. It's been a week since what happened with Xade, and me coming home to see that message from Miles, but I still haven't spoken to either of them, hell I haven't spoken to anybody.

There's been at least fifty seperate times where my hand has hovered over that green call button next to Miles' name but every time I think about telling him what happened, my whole stomach feels like it's filled with razor blades that are slowly shredding me from the inside out.

It's not just the kiss, it was everything that came before it too. I fucking doubted him, doubted us and our potential. Now I don't know if I was right to feel that way or if it was just my anger manifesting as self sabotage, but either way, I felt it.

It's been easier to pretend that we are just better apart, as long as I don't see him. Every time I go to pick up the phone to him or find my car inadvertently pulling up outside the fucking Manor, I just asked myself one question:

Is this really what he wants?

And when I realise that those nagging doubts I put in my head at Xade's are still there, I find myself driving away again or shoving my phone back into the drawer.

Charlie was so angry when I told him what happened that he practically threatened to burn Xade's fucking house down, no matter how much I try to explain to him that it wasn't entirely his fault, Charlie seemed pretty adamant that this was some big conspiracy by the tall blonde guy to get me away from Miles.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered the same thing, but too much didn't add up. If he really just wanted me away from Miles then he could have just dragged him under the bus the moment I told him about what happened on the court, but he didn't, instead he tried to give him an out - saying that it might have just been caused by immaturity rather than actual viciousness.

There's no way for me to know for sure without talking to Xade and getting an honest answer, but my instincts tell me that him kissing me that night wasn't as much of a shock to him as it was to me, even if he didn't expect it to happen in that moment.

Reading that message from Miles, knowing that he was waiting for me and I never showed up, it really made clear to me that I never fucking deserved him in the first place. I'm better with him than I ever was without him, but I'm still really fucking damaged and he doesn't need that bringing him down.

He might want me now, but there are no guarantees that it will last and very soon our lives are going to be travelling in very different directions, so it would be better if we both just called it here before too many feelings get involved.

However, no matter how many times I keep telling myself it's for the best, I just can't find a way to make myself actually fucking end it...

I miss him so fucking much it hurts.

Just the thought of never touching his lips again with mine makes my eyes begin to fucking leak. When I saw that message from him in the week saying that he missed me I just crumbled, I thought he'd be angry with me for not turning up but of course he fucking wasn't, he just fucking missed me too.

I get Liam settled in his seat, my head still spinning as I lean over to plug in his belt, only for him to immediately wrap his arms around my neck and pull me down into him.

"It's going to be okay." He whispers quietly in my ear before I pull back to look at him.

"What's going to be okay little man?"

He reaches up and rubs his tiny thumb against the dark bags that hang under my eyes, sleep has not been my friend this week.

"Whatever has made you sad, it will all be okay in the end."

He truly is too fucking precious for this world.

I turn on the engine and make my way out of the parking spot, but as I spin the wheel back to straight, Brie's name lights up the screen and I inadvertently hit the answer button with my thumb.

Shit.

"Joshua Elmo Jones!" Will people stop fucking calling me that! "Where the fuck are you? I'm done with this disappearing act so you'd better get the fuck over here right now."

I thought Brie sounded pissed when I ditched the suit fitting to avoid Miles, but if it's at all possible she sounds even worse right now.

"Brie can you reign it in a bit? I've got Liam in the car and you're on speaker."

Brie's tone completely changes when she realises that Liam can hear her, although it's one that sounds sweet to most people, I know her well enough to realise that this tone is no fucking safer than her last.

"Liam, my gorgeous little man, tell that annoying older brother of yours that you want to come to the family barbecue we're having right now. Heather is here and I think she's getting ready to create another masterpiece."

She's fucking ruthless. Of course Brie would use my own fucking brother against me to make me bend to her fucking will.

"I've already told him that we'll go to the gaming diner for food, I'll bring him over to see Heather tomorrow." I say trying to force her into submission, but as usual it's completely fruitless.

"Oh fuck off about your fucking diner, we've got enough food here to feed the fucking army so get over here now. Steve wants to see his brother and everybody wants to know why you've been MIA for the last fucking week. You're coming, unless you want me to tell Heather that you didn't love her enough to bother showing up."

That's low. Even for her that's fucking low...  but it's effective.

"Fine, will drop by for ten minutes but we aren't staying. Who's there?"

I can practically hear her gleaming with fucking pride that she's managed to wear me down, yet again.

"The usual crew, Elizabeth can't stay much longer but Hannah and Lisa are back for the weekend, although we've only seen them in person for about three minutes total since they got here an hour ago." That's pretty standard practise for those two, I've never seen two people so completely enamoured with each other.

"Is May there?" I know that if May is there then Miles won't be far behind.

Brie lets out a frustrated sigh, whispering something to Lee about another hot dog before returning her attention to me. "Yeah both the Kray twins are in tow as well, how far are you?"

Miles is there...

"We're at the crossing so we won't be too long. I'm not staying Brie, in and out." I hung up on her before she can say anything else, or have the shake in my voice give away that I'm hardly able to breathe right now. "Are you sure you want to go to this thing little man? I can ring her back and tell her no if you'd rather go to the diner."

Liam shakes his little head, he's trying to hide it but I think he's quite excited to go and see Heather for a while, she is one of the only friends this kid has.

"Will M-Milo be there?" Oh good God, there's so much hope in his voice for the answer to be yes, he really fucking likes that man.

Why wouldn't he? He's fucking perfect.

"Yeah little man, he's there."

My answer seems to satisfy Liam because he doesn't say another word all the way to Lees place, just smiling and glancing out the window to try and figure out how far away we are from the recognisable houses.

There's a space next to Jayce outside the Manor, so I pull in and weakly try not to let my door slam into that fucking Mustang of his as my own personal revenge for what happened that day.

Lee has sent me a few messages over the week, trying to smooth everything over like the little peacekeeper that she is, but I don't think she realises that for some of us it takes more than a wink and a smile from Jayce Thompson to make everything okay again.

I guess him and Miles must have come to some kind of agreement for them all to be here together though.

With every step that I take towards the backyard, the elastic band that has situated itself around my chest seems to tighten and tighten. At this point Liam is just dragging me along with him, but even he pulls back as we turned the corner and see a yard full of happy faces.

"Yeah, I was thinking of getting a seat or maybe a swing or something? Jayce said we should just put a hoop here but like fuck is that happening." Al notices our approach, her and Brie thankfully both turning and blocking most of me from the view in the yard. They begin to try and talk to me, attacking me with questions, but I can feel the trickle of sweat running down my neck from the pressure it's taking to keep me from running my eyes all over the place until I find him.

He's here... Even if they hadn't told me, it's like my soul can fucking sense him.

They both wave at Liam, which he returns before pulling on my hand to get my attention and looking up at me with those big beautiful eyes of his.

"Can I go see Milo please?" Brie and Al both look at each other before stepping apart and turning to face the back corner of the garden.

I lose all my ability to keep myself at bay as my head shoots up to follow the direction and my eyes almost instantly fall on him.

Oh fuck... God I forgot how beautiful he is... It's like the images I keep of him in my head don't even come close to what it feels like to see him in person.

May drops her hand down onto his leg again and that's when I realised that it's bobbing up and down like crazy, she looks at me like she's questioning my very existence but it doesn't take any of my attention away from him. I nod my head at Liam and he quickly lets go of my hand before scurrying as quick as his little legs can carry him towards where Miles sits.

I can't stop looking at him, it's like I'm seeing him all over again for the first time and I can hardly fucking cope with the emotions that are smashing their way through my bones.

He needs to stop looking at me like that... I want to go over there and fucking kiss him so fucking bad...

He only pulls his view from mine when Liam approaches, quickly wiping away the look of pain he had when he was staring at me and quickly replacing it with one of pure joy as Liam bypasses his high five and immediately wraps his arms around his neck.

"Holy fuck, is Liam actually hugging Milo right now?" Al asks in total disbelief at the site before her. "Liam never hugs anyone but you... I didn't even realise that they knew each other that well, when did they even meet?"

Al looks at me wanting an answer but I just can't stop staring at the two of them together - it's like they were born to be in each others lives. Liam recognises something in him that he doesn't easily recognise in other people. It's fucking beautiful to see him like this.

Brie taps my shoulder and I realise they are both still waiting for an answer.

"We've seen him a few times at the diner, him and Liam play games and things." I'm incredibly grateful when Elizabeth comes over and pulls me sharply into a hug, beginning to chat immediately about all the lovely things Coach has said to her about me since camp, but I just smile and nod along, keeping one eye on Liam as I feel my resolve crumbling from within me.

You can't be together Josh. Being with you, he'd be forced to make choices he's just not ready for. No matter how much you... You're not what he needs.

Heather pulls Liam away to join in with her crafting, and Elizabeth seems to finish whatever story she was telling with a big laugh so I chuckle along even though she could be speaking Portuguese right now for all I know.

Tara smiles at me as she strolls around the garden trying to get Chase to sleep before Elizabeth walks over and steals him from her arms, claiming that all babies love her ample bosom for a pillow.

It's then that I realise I'm alone with nothing to guard me, and so is he. Our eyes become joined again and the force between us is so strong that I almost just stepped towards him on fucking instinct. Everything in me is crying out just to run and fucking kiss him but I know I just fucking shouldn't.

Hannah and Lisa spill out from the back door in a fit of giggles and it all hits me so hard this time that I know I just need a fucking minute to make myself stronger again.

I check Liam is happy before making quick work of the steps and throwing myself into the house. It has never really occurred to me before how similar the layout is in here to the one back at the Manor, and without thinking I dodge myself around the kitchen unit and swing into the downstairs toilet.

However the second I get the door closed it's ripped back open, Miles standing there, his face burning with anger and hurt.


He forces me backwards as he steps inside, he's so fucking furious and I can't blame him.


"You're avoiding me."