My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 224

My legs start moving before my mind has a chance to catch up, an unsettling amount of happiness spreading through me the closer I get to him. I'm coming.

"Josh!"

But he doesn't turn, instead as I reach the doorway my happiness evaporates instantly. He's far from alone, the face of the person that makes all Brie and Charlie's words disappear poking out from over Josh's shoulder, he's sad green eyes making the guilt return with a fucking smack.

He wasn't waiting for me, he was with him.

"Of course... I should have fucking known." Xade stares straight at me, pain spreading all over my body under the weight of his hurt. He's trying to let his anger roll off him but it in no way reflect in his eyes, in them it's just pure fucking agony.

Josh never turns, he knows I'm here but he makes no effort to even look back. I don't blame him, I walked back into his life yesterday and look what the fuck I've done already.

Maybe May was right, maybe Thompsons really are just walking fucking destruction.

Josh pleads with Xade to listen but the guy is too fucking pissed right now, too fucking hurt. He doesn't seem like the type of person that would normally even raise his voice, not that he's really shouting back here, but his tone is so fucking sharp that it's cutting Josh with each word.

"I think I've been pretty fucking understanding all things considered. You've been off ever since Brie told you that he was going to be at that party last night. I'm not stupid, I could see it. Everything was fine between us, great even, but one mention of his fucking name and everything changed..."

I shouldn't be here for this, I know I shouldn't be fucking listening but as Josh's shoulders start to shake all I want to do is run up and wrap my arms around him, apologise to the poor guy who is getting his fucking heart broken right now because of me and tell him that I'll stay the fuck away from... his man.

"...I saw the way you looked at him Josh, I could feel it in your fucking pulse when he walked in!"

His heart was racing when he saw me... Josh please turn around... Tell me what the fuck you want from me, what do you want me to do here.

I can't move, all I can do is fucking listen to Xade tell me that even he can see what's between me and Josh, even if it's fucking killing him. I don't want this for him, I don't want this for them.

I'm so fucking selfish.

"I went up those stairs and you were smiling at him in a way that you've never smiled at anyone else... like you've never smiled at me. I shouldn't have told him the way I did, but then walking into your house last night after you said you wanted to be alone just to find him there? Yeah, that fucking hurt, but I didn't say shit because you've never given me a reason not to trust you..."

You can trust him... he's the best fucking man I know... it's me that's the fucking problem.

When me and him were on that balcony, the way I felt... it was like being reanimated after spending the last four years dead inside. His smile, his eyes... his fucking touch.

All of it was so beautifully familiar, we slipped back into us so fucking naturally because it's exactly who we're supposed to be.

A star fell from the fucking sky... Even they know what he is to me.

I shouldn't have let it get this far though, I took such an important decision away from him once and tonight I've done the fucking same.

It's not good enough Milo, no matter what Brie or Charlie or anybody else thinks or feels, it's not fucking good enough.