My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 26

My body is beyond exhausted, everything in me crying out to just keep still after Coach made sure we’d never forget that final practise, even if it meant killing us in the process. Yes, fine, I ran fucking laps! The guy has a little masochist buried deep inside him I can’t say no to. Instead of laying and welcoming death though, I’m just trying to keep my eyes off Miles and pack my case, as Eli sits on the end of the bed chatting some shit about cars I couldn’t give a fuck about.

Miles is pissed too, he’s too nice to say anything but Eli is basically a handsome and charming, but very annoying, cock-block right now.

It’s probably a good thing, I know I need some time to get my head around this. Not that it’s fucking easy when I haven’t got a clue what to think myself, it’s not like I can call Aleah like I usually would in this kind of situation and get her advice.

It’s like my mind is at war, I can’t seem to match the two very different people that exist in my head. On the one hand is Milo, the lovely sweet kid that wanted to make everyone happy but really just desperately needed some attention of his own. A kid that I used to build Lego sets with and practice his jump shot in the backyard... Then there’s Miles, Miles the fucking gorgeous man who makes my heart forget to pump blood around my body with a single glance, a man who has to do nothing but smile and I fucking melt. A man who I want to get to know in a whole other way, a man I want to hold and kiss and fu-

Yeah, a man who makes me a whole different kind of happy. A guy who for the first time in so fucking long has sparked a fire in me again, one I thought was a lost cause.

It’s like they’re so contrasting beings that I can’t even identify them as the same person, but that doesn’t change the fact they are.

I’ve also got to remember the circumstances here; we’re away from home, away from all the people who know us. It’s easy to feel like you can do anything inside the safety of a bubble, here we’re just two guys behind a closed door. Out there, it’s a really contrary fucking story.

He likes me, I know that, he hasn’t exactly made it a secret. That could all change when we get back to reality though, he could wake up in his bed tomorrow morning and realise he was just caught up in the moment of something being driven by his hormones or emotions. He could step foot on his bedroom carpet, realise he’s straight and literally never talk to me again. I have to prepare for that, it happens all the time.

He has some stuff to figure out, I probably shouldn’t be there while he does that.

“So yeah, now I’ve got to drive the 1.6 instead of the 1.8 because some guy, who’s probably never raced a day in his life, decided the under twenty one teams can’t have anything over that! Half the guys at the grand prix were under twenty one their first time out! How do they expect us to progress with this type of shit?”

Eli has been like this for a while, but from the way Miles is just nodding and agreeing with everything he says, I’ll guess this isn’t an irregular occurrence.

“Sucks man.” Miles keeps shoving everything he can find into his suitcase, I really want to tell him that it would probably all fit better if he made an attempt to fold them but then I’d definitely sound my fucking age.

His phone rings suddenly, glancing over at him I can see the hesitancy in his desire to answer it as he continues to just stare at the ringing screen. My heart falls into my stomach as I think back to last night - Zoe? Shit, does he not want to answer her call in front of me? Did he even tell her anything before he rushed up here? We haven’t exactly talked about it.

I slip into the bathroom to make sure I haven’t left anything, and to give them some privacy to talk, but when he answers the phone it’s actually much much worse than I originally thought.

“Hey bro.”

Oh fuck.

Please be like a mate bro, not his 6’8 basketball player bro who would happily have me fucking shot if he knew I kissed his little brother last night.

“Hang on Jayce, signals shit, let me get out on the fire escape.”

Nope. Of course it’s fucking Jayce.

Miles isn’t going to say anything to him right? About what we did? I mean, we haven’t had that conversation but it kind of goes without saying surely.

My hands are sweating so much right now you could have a fucking bath in them. Jayce is going to kill me, he’s still considering taking out May’s junior high prom date and the poor boy only tried to hold her hand.

There’s fuck all in this room and I can’t hide forever. Or could I? It’s got a lock, running water. There’s worse places to hide from murderous NBA players... For fucks sake Josh..

Stepping back out, I see Eli has now made himself very comfortable on my bed and appears to be looking through.. my fucking toiletry bag?

“What the fuck are you doing?”

He doesn’t even look up at me, just keeps searching through and glancing at all my stuff without a care in the world.

“You always smell really good, I just wanted to see what you use. Can I have this?” He holds up the almost empty bottle of aftershave Al got me for Christmas last year. I’m not even sure I like it so I nod and try not to laugh as he smiles widely.

“Anyone ever told you that you have personal boundary issues?”

He smirks to himself, throwing on the aftershave until the bottle doesn’t have a drop left and I begin choking on the stuff.

“I actually hear that a lot. It’s probably because I’m an only child, nobody around to tell me when to back off and three parents that just wanted to make me happy. Why does this small better on you? Come here, let me smell you.”

He jumps up from the bed and I leap back, maybe his parents didn’t give him limits but like fuck is he testing mine. I swear, it’s like having a British fucking Brie substitute around.

The window that leads out to the fire escape opens behind me, Miles’ hand coming in and resting on the desk as he shoves a phone in my face, thankfully allowing me the opportunity to escape the Englishman.

“Jayce wants to talk to you.”

On second thought, I’m actually really happy for Eli to sniff me like a fucking hound-dog if it’ll get me out of this conversation.

My blood runs cold and Miles’ little smug face isn’t helping. Please tell me he didn’t say anything to him...

My trembling fingers reach for the phone and lift it to my ear.

“Jayce?”

There’s heavy breathing from the other side of the line, but no words. I can’t break my frozen stance, actively trying to figure out how much I would need to pay to convince Chrissy to skip town tonight with me and move with Liam to Oz. Kallie would take care of me, I’m pretty sure Drew could stop Jayce long enough to at least give me a head start if he found me there. Helena is still in Paris too right? I have options..

“Sorry man, Chase just fell asleep and if I say one word before I get that door closed he’ll wake straight back up. Lee pumped before she left, but he prefers it direct from the source and I’m not exactly built to provide that, so I need him to stay down until she gets back.” He chuckles.

Oh thank fuck, he doesn’t know. He definitely wouldn’t be this cool if he did. I slip out onto the fire escape and meet Miles’ eyes. That taunting little smile even wider than before. He knew exactly what he was doing. Fucker.

“Anyway, Lee’s been called into work for a patient that’s not in a good place and I don’t know how long she’ll be. She was supposed to pick Milo up after he gets back and I’m not allowed to drive on these new meds for my shoulder, I can ask Cole to come get him but I know you took your car up, any chance you can drop him home? I know you’ve already spent a week with him and you’re probably sick of the sight of the kid so you can say no. I just wanted to ask first.”

Miles’ comical persona is gone, everything in him rigid at his brothers words. Why do they all still treat him like this? Like he’s an annoying little twelve year old or something. Why can’t they all see the man he’s become?

It’s pissing him off, and it’s not hard to see why.

“Um yeah man, no problem, I’ll drop him back.” Miles relaxes slightly, although the tension in his muscles is still clear and his smile has vanished. He loves his brother, I know that, I just don’t think either of them quite get how to express it anymore. They’ve both changed and grown as people, but their relationship hasn’t come to match that growth.

“He’s been amazing Jayce, he’s so fucking talented.” Miles’ eyes finally leave the ground and find mine. There’s that fucking smile. “You’d be so proud of him, he’s probably going to get offered a place at every school in the country. He might outmatch you soon.”

He can’t even keep eye contact now, turning to grip the balcony railing and looking out over the forest instead. His smile is small, but at least it’s there. I wonder when the last time someone told him they were proud of him was? From his reaction right now, I’d guess not recently.

Jayce scoffs. “Maybe. Hopefully he won’t fuck it up again this time.” Miles’ shoulders sag and the wave of vulnerability that washes over him is drowning. As if he doesn’t feel shit enough about what happened with the crash, they all still shove it in his face every opportunity they get. “Thanks man, we owe you one for this. When you get back I’ll sort something. You still bringing Liam over later?”

Shit, I’d almost forgot. “Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

I hang up quickly, checking that Eli isn’t paying attention before walking over to a clearly upset Miles. James Bond in there is too preoccupied trying to unsubtly look through my case to notice what the fuck we’re doing anyway.

“Hey,” I move into the spot next to him, mimicking his position of resting on his elbows and looking out over the trees. The sun is high but it’s still freezing out here. “You okay?”

He nods, resting his arm against mine, then glancing behind and checking on Eli before letting his fingers stroke at the inside of my wrist. It’s such a small gesture, but the fact his instincts are still to touch me even when I should be comforting him makes my stomach flutter.

“I’m fine, kind of used to it at this point. That’s the problem when you’re the good brother, whenever you fuck up they act like it’s a hundred times worse than it is just because they weren’t expecting it from you. You’re not allowed to make mistakes when they think you should be perfect.”

I’d never thought about it that way, but he’s right. Jayce did some pretty stupid shit when we were growing up but nothing that got held over him like this. I remember at one of his secret party’s I threw up in Tara’s grandmother’s vase and didn’t tell anyone. They didn’t find it for like a week and all Tara did was tell him he was cleaning it. He always seemed to get a pass, for everything. I know when they first found out about him and Al it was rough but that was more from Cole, Tara was just heartbroken.

Miles fucked up, but nobody got hurt. He’s being punished for what could’ve been despite how clearly sorry he is, it’s not right. He already feels like the second class family member behind his siblings, this isn’t helping.

“So, you think I’m good huh?” A smile spreading on my face as he decides to just deflect this whole situation with his charm. I’ll let him, we can talk about all the heavy stuff another time. He’s got enough going on.

“You know you’re good. In fact, you know you’re fucking amazing. There isn’t a guy here that could touch this week.”

He sniggers. “Actually, I’m pretty sure there’s one guy that touched me this week.”

Oh that little...

He bursts out laughing. I shove him so hard he almost tumbles over the edge, he’s still in hysterics as I manage to grip the front of his t-shirt and rip him back towards me. That joy of his is fucking contagious, even I’m laughing when a few seconds ago I was ready to push him over the balcony.

I don’t know how I should feel about him taking all this so well? I sure as fuck wasn’t this confident my first day after kissing a guy. Shit, am I the first? Maybe I’m not, maybe he... No, he would’ve told me if there was anyone else, he knows that probably would’ve relaxed my head a bit.

We stop laughing slowly, I didn’t realise he was this fucking close until the deep breath he just took made me want to get pulled in with it. We both know we can’t do anything here, there’s a load of people on the ground below us taking their cases to the bus and we’re in broad daylight. Doesn’t stop either of us thinking about it though...

Glancing across at the forest and trying not to draw attention, he slowly let’s his hand fall against mine. From the outside looking in it appears completely innocent, but as his fingers run themselves along my own I know it’s anything but. The smile on his face tells me everything, even if he can’t look at me right now, we can both feel those fucking sparks.

“I’m gonna miss this place, I’ll probably never see it again. It’s like my third time here but this one has been.. um.. special. Unforgettable actually..”

Now I can’t look at him either. Fuck, am I blushing? Jesus Christ Josh, pull yourself together, you’re a grown ass man!

“You don’t know that, I never thought I’d come back here – yet here I am. Maybe you’ll come back with your kids one day, be one of the dickhead dads like Scott that thinks being good back in the day still makes you relevant.”

His glee is evident, a small chuckle leaving his lips as his eyes flicker with an imagination of the future. I guess he’s so young he’s never even thought about stuff like this before... about the stuff that I’m so desperate for.

“Yeah, maybe.”

I pull my hand from his gently, taking one final look out at the view I was captivated by moments before that man made me surrender all my attention to him last night. I soak it all in, the memory and the place, before stepping away and going to the window before he can stop me. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about his future, but it’s just another reminder of how we’re in totally different places in our lives.

Eli appears to have returned all my possessions to the case now but I will be checking when I get back to make sure the little shit didn’t take a souvenir of our time together.

“You need a hand getting your stuff to the bus Thompson?” Eli jumps up, stretching his incredibly long limbs. “Or you good?”

Miles locks the window behind him when coming in, giving his own final look to the balcony that has become even more significant in our lives than we ever realised it could be.

“Actually man, I’m going back with Josh. Jayce asked him to drop me off. You good to take care of the guys for Coach?”

Eli nods but I can see he’s not happy, he’d probably rather my Bentleys air con over breathing in week old farts on that bus too.

“Yeah man, no worries. You sure that’s the reason you’re ditching though? You can’t avoid her forever mate, you ignored Zo at breakfast and now the bus too. I know she shouldn’t have thrown herself on you like that man but I’m pretty sure it was her aunts idea. You almost broke her in half shoving her off you last night, she probably feels like shit.”

Zoe. Shit, I can’t even think about her. I don’t know what happened between them after I left, she clearly caught him off guard with that kiss but I think her feelings just got the better of her. If she found out that when he ran from her he came up here and kissed me she’d be fucking heartbroken.

Fuck, nothings really even happened with us yet and this is already too complicated.

Miles looks at me, the guilt on his face is enough to tell me he’s thinking the exact same thing I am.

Fuck. We really shouldn’t be doing this.

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