My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 15

Neither of us have said anything since we decided this wasn’t a talk for a dirty locker room and settled for the bench next to the outdoor court instead. It’s colder this evening than it was last night, or maybe it’s just because I’m fucking sober now.

The wind hits my face uncomfortably but as I look over at Zoe I realise she’s shivering under it, her cheerleader uniform doing little to protect her.

“Put this on.” Unzipping my hoodie, I wrap it around her shoulders hurriedly. She doesn’t fight it, just smiles and slips herself inside the fluffy fabric. I catch her out of the corner of my eye take a deep inhale of my scent from it but I don’t say anything, clearly she misses me as much as I miss her.

“Thank you.” I’m quickly realising that neither of us really know what to say here. I’m not sure if I even really want to hear what she has to tell me, I just want to know the truth.

“Was it really just one time?”

A single tear rolls down her cheek as she nods at me. The worst feeling washing over my body as for the first time in all the time I’ve known her, I realise I don’t trust if I can actually believe her. One of the things I liked most about Zoe was how honest she was; she was the girl that would tell her mate if she looked awful in a dress or let you know the truth about your performance. I respected that honesty, I never thought I’d ever need to doubt it.

“I swear to you it was. It was the night of Courtney’s party. We had that big argument because you said you wanted us to be exclusive but I was still having doubts, it feels so stupid now. I really wanted to be your girlfriend but it felt like something was holding me back.” She brings her knees to her chest, wrapping the fabric of my hoodie all the way around her body.

“Then when I went to find you to talk about it after I calmed down, everyone told me you’d left with Eli without even saying goodbye. I was upset, not just about that but everything. I was pissed at myself too for not just saying yes and running scared. I was sitting on Courtney’s bed, just crying, when Luke came in. I know it doesn’t mean much now but I didn’t fuck him if that’s what you think.”

She’s right, it doesn’t make a difference. It’s not what she did that hurt, it was the lie she told to cover it up.

“He wasn’t being like Luke usually is, he was actually really kind to me. I didn’t mean for anything to happen, one minute I was crying and the next we were kissing and before I knew it-”

“His head was between your legs.”

The tears fall freely down her face now, her once long nails almost bloody stumps with the way she’s been chewing them.

“Yes. That was it though, I didn’t even touch him. If you want me to be completely honest I did try but he wouldn’t let me, in fact after he was done with that he was pretty much over the whole thing and left. I didn’t know he took a picture, as soon as I saw it I realised that was all he really wanted, it was never about being with me.”

She turns to face me, her cheeks dripping with tears. “He just wanted to get one over on you. I’m so sorry Milo. I felt awful about it the second it stopped. Then the next morning I woke up and heard about the crash, I took my mums car without even asking so I could get to the hospital. The moment I saw you I knew I’d made the biggest mistake of my life that night, I knew I wanted to be yours.”

Looking back on it, everything really did change that day for us. She was all in, she treated me so fucking well. So many of the guys would bitch about their girlfriends but I couldn’t add anything to the conversation, mine was perfect.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. We weren’t together when it happened and I tried to convince myself that meant it wasn’t really cheating but I know that’s bullshit now. Luke said he wouldn’t tell anyone and I kind of forgot it ever happened most of the time. I should’ve told you, I never should’ve lied to you when you asked Milo. I’m so sorry. I swear to fuck, give me another chance and I will never do anything like that again.”

Any other guy would probably take her back without a second thought. This doesn’t change my opinion of her, I still think she’s fucking special, but I heard my father make those promises to my mother so many times. I’m not built to forgive this, once trust is gone with me it’s gone forever. There can’t be a relationship without it.

Then it hits me that something else changed then too.

“After you were with him, you liked things different, rougher and harder. Is that because that’s how he did it?”

She freezes. “I-I ummm..”

“It doesn’t matter.” It really doesn’t, I just wanted to know. It gives me a bit of peace actually, knowing that maybe she wasn’t always thinking of me the entire time either.

I turn to look at her, the pain clear on her face but I can’t just pretend everything is okay because of that, I don’t want to give her false hopes or false promises.

“Zo, I really care about you and I won’t hold this against you. We weren’t together and I don’t think any less of you as a person, okay?” Her eyes light up but I can’t let it stay that way. “But, I don’t trust you now. Not because of what you did with Luke, but because when you were given the opportunity to tell me, you lied. If he didn’t have those pictures, you would’ve let the whole world believe he was making it up to protect your own neck. I can’t be with someone like that. It’s not who I am and it’s not what I want.”

Her whole body is shaking and it physically fucking hurts me to cause her pain like this. She isn’t a bad person, she’s just not my person. Her arms swing around my body, her face buried into my neck as she nods through her sobs. My arms wrap around her on instinct, pulling her close and rubbing her back trying to give any kind of comfort. I can feel her heart breaking through her skin, my eyes filling so much I’m having to breathe deeply just to keep it all in.

I tried really hard to fall in love with Zoe, whatever stopped me I’m grateful for it now because I can’t imagine how painful this would be if I had.

“M-Milo... We’re still f-friends, right?”

I hold her close, as tightly as I can without crushing her tiny frame. She acts so fucking tough but she’s so much more vulnerable than people realise she is.

Planting a kiss on the top of her head, I let her continue to cry into my shirt.

“Of course we fucking are.”

We sit there for a while, her tears eventually drying and body stilling from the quivering enough I can walk her back to her dorm. There’s a few of the girls outside when we get there so I just give her a quick squeeze goodbye and make my way over towards the cafeteria, stopping when I see Josh and Eli lent against the car with eyes glued on me.

“What are you two doing?”

Eli smiles widely. “I managed to talk my man here into taking us with him.”

Josh rolls his eyes before pulling open the car door. “You didn’t talk me into it Eli, you emotionally manipulated me with Milo’s broken heart. Also, stop calling me your man, I barely fucking know you.”

I burst out laughing at Eli’s genuine look of hurt. The guy tends to have a monthly dude-crush and this month I have a feeling it’s Josh. “Come on Miles, we’re going to eat something that can’t pass for prison slop.”

Eli opens the back door for me but I just shove him inside, despite his protest about calling shot gun, and take the front seat, causing Josh to smile at me with a mixture of humour and pride. That fucking smile...

Damn this is a nice fucking car. It’s even nicer than Jayce’s. When I get my licence back I’m getting one of these.

“So where are we going my man?”

Josh attempts to glare at Eli through the rear view mirror, but we’ve lost his attention completely as a group of cheerleaders from another school walk past. Eli tries to gather their attention with that beacon of a smile of his, but none of them even notice him with Josh in the same car.

The guy would draw light from the fucking sun.

It was right here in this moment I feel something I realise I should’ve felt last night seeing the picture of Zoe with Luke but didn’t, I feel something I really shouldn’t watching a group of girls look at a guy that I can’t take my eyes off of, I feel something I’ve never felt before.

I feel jealous.

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