Chapter 133

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It took me a solid three minutes of listening to him before I even realised that Zoe was on the same stage. I’m pretty sure Eli has tried talking to me five times already but I can’t hear him.

As the song they were performing comes to an end, Zoe slots herself from by his side into the middle of the stage, this must be the moment for her to go solo. Miles slips off the stage behind her, disappearing through a curtain as Zoe breaks out into a song I’m pretty sure is from one of the musicals that Charlie is so fucking obsessed with.

She’s good, she’s really good but she’s not fucking magical like the guy she was just singing with was.

“Josh dude, are you okay?” Eli smacks my arm and pulls me back into the room, handing me a glass of coke that I didn’t even see him order. “He's good right? He used to do these open mic things in the next town over but he hasn't done anything for a while.”

Why the fuck would he hide this? He’s not just good... He’s incredible.

“Fancy seeing you here.” I turn to come face to face with that voice, Miles standing behind me leant against the bar, dressed in the tightest black button up shirt and those jeans that should be fucking illegal.

“You were... I mean... I didn’t know that you could...” Words Josh, try some actual fucking words.

The heat rises up his neck so quickly that his cheeks immediately turn from their usual caramel tan to a deep rouge and I don’t think me stumbling over my fucking sentence like this is helping.

“Dude I wouldn’t have told him if I knew you were keeping it a secret, sorry.” Eli says over my shoulder, immediately turning back to the nice girl behind the bar the second that Miles gives him a nod to say it’s okay.

“I’m sorry,” He steps in closer, his body coming into contact against mine as he looks up at me with those fucking puppy dog eyes that just make me want to give him my internal fucking organs if it would make him happy. “I wasn’t lying to you or anything, I just haven’t let anybody that wasn’t Zoe or Eli hear me before. I was embarrassed that you’d think it was really stupid or that I was really bad or somethi-”

I lock my hand at the back of his neck and bring my lips straight down onto his to stop what was clearly a very ill-rehearsed ramble. I totally get why he wasn't ready to have everybody come see him, if Al found out about this then she would definitely make us all sit in the front row and probably wear shirts with his fucking face on.

He smiles into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me in tightly. He really is so fucking special, he's kind and compassionate yet strong and confident. He can turn his hand to anything, he makes the best blueberry pancakes, his skills with a ball are unmatched and now he’s got the voice of a fucking angel on top of it.

Who made this fucking man? How can one person have so much fucking going for them, in a seriously gorgeous package too?

I know he’s had a lot going on this week, all the shit with his mum and Jayce, getting that huge offer to go play at LSU he doesn’t want to talk about yet and dealing with coming out to everybody at school about us...  I can’t believe he’s found the time to make this happen as well.

He pulls himself away from the kiss, but stays close enough that his head can rest against mine. “I’m actually really fucking happy that you’re here.”

He is, I can feel it in the way he’s holding me.

“So am I. Have I already missed everything?” He shakes his head, glancing over at Zoe as the audience applauds the end of her song and she quickly sets up to transition into the next.

“We still have a few to do together but I’ve only got one solo at the end now. I actually did... this one first...” His hand trails up until his fingertips are brushing over the tattoo along my arm.

Oh fuck, he sang this song already?

“I can’t believe I missed that..” I’d be lying if I said my heart wasn’t just a little bit broken right now.

Miles smiles, pressing his lips gently to mine. “I can do it for you whenever you want.” I’m going to hold him to that.

I know he has to go back up there, and I’m kind of excited to watch him again anyway. Eli throws his arm around Miles’ shoulder, giving him his own weird version of a pep talk that involved something to do with getting a better final act than he did the first time over a desk, I don’t know what he’s on about but I’ll leave it for now.

Miles kisses the top of my head before turning to walk back to the stage, hesitating for a moment before turning back to face me. Why does he suddenly look very nervous?

“Can you do me a favour?” Oh God look how cute he is. “I’ve umm... Me and Zoe have done the duets a load of times so I don’t really care about them, but the last song, I only actually found it last week so I haven’t rehearsed it a ton... I kind of need you to not be looking at me when I sing it. I’m not sure I could get all the way through it if you do... Just listen to the words.”

I want to reach out and kiss him again but he quickly runs off to the backstage. He’s always discovering new music, putting together playlists and scribbling down lyrics in his little notebook. I just assumed he was really into that stuff, I never really thought that he was doing... research.

If he doesn’t want me to look at him then I won’t but you can bet I will be soaking in every fucking word.

Me and Eli settle in on the bar stools, he’s already developed a bit of a following so I just leave him to it and focus on Zoe for now. Miles told me what she did for him, all this week her and Eli have been like his shield for every day he’s had to walk through those fucking halls.

Not a lot of people would continue to care about him the way that she does under the circumstances, Miles has never given me any reason not to trust him and if he says that she doesn't have those feelings towards him anymore than I believe him.

She’s a good singer, you can tell she’s been at this for a while. Miles mentioned that she’s a bit of a drama student already, I could definitely see her on Broadway or something if she set her mind to it. She catches my eye as she finishes her song, slipping down from her stool to get some new music sheets and giving me a small wave. Eli of course assumes that wave is for him and starts waving back fanatically.

When her and Miles start their first duet it's kind of impossible not to just look at him, he was nervous standing here next to me but you’d never know that looking at him on the stage.

Rewrite The Stars is actually one of my favourite songs, it should be considering how many times Al made me watch The Greatest Showman on Skype when she was pregnant with Chase, it became our little Saturday night tradition.

The way that Zoe looks at him, it’s not the same way she did back at camp. Even when the words leaving her lips are ones of love and unrequited feelings, she still just looks at him with nothing but admiration. She didn’t need to be nice to him that day, there's a lot of ex girlfriends that would have left him to suffer. She’s shown him nothing but love and support, she will always have my respect for that.

I think as we get older we’re fooled into believing that maturity is based on age, she’s proven that’s far from true. She’s shown that she’s developed more compassion and understanding in her eighteen years than most people do in their whole lives, she deserves credit for that and I’m happy to give it to her.

I order another set of drinks for me and Eli, refusing to get him a beer no matter how many times he tells me that his mum would be cool with it. That guy is going to be a force to be reckoned with in college.

It becomes blatantly obvious as they go on which songs Zoe picked and which ones are Miles, that girl really loves a show tune.

When Zoe stands I realise that they’ve already finished their duets, I’d become so hypnotised watching him that I hadn’t realised how much time had passed. Miles pulls his stool into the middle of the stage, resting the base of his guitar against his thighs whilst Zoe taps his arm and gives him a look of encouragement as she leaves him.

When she approaches the edge of the stage she looks over at me, then back at Miles, smiling like she’s in on something I’m not aware of yet.

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, this will be our last song of the evening... Although when I picked to sing it I didn’t realise the person I wanted to sing it to most would actually be sitting in this room.” My heart really needs to stop pounding like this, I’m sure he can hear it across the room. “Last week I was laying on my bed, doing my usual routine of scanning through music when I stumbled upon this song. Something just clicked when I listen to the lyrics and I’m really excited to share them all with you now.”

Miles looks over at me and my body becomes stiff from the lack of oxygen I’m allowing into it. Fuck, he’s going to do this... He just keeps staring at me, like he's waiting for something, but until Eli grabs hold of my arm and twists my entire body to turn away from him, I'd completely forgot what I’d promised to do earlier.

It feels really odd to be facing away from him right now but I can still feel him looking at me, like he’s standing right next to me, his breath on my neck...

The poor girl behind the bar is running around trying to get everybody’s orders ready, but I don’t want to be distracted so I let my eyes close as he hits the first note on the guitar.

I don’t recognise the song, but I have a feeling that won’t matter once he gets started.

🎵"I was a boat stuck in a bottle,
That never got the chance to touch the sea,
Just forgot on the shelf,
No wind in the sails,
Goin' no where with no one but me"🎵

That’s exactly how he felt before we were together wasn't it?

🎵"I was one in a hundred billion,
A burned out star in a galaxy,
Just lost in the sky, wonderin' why,
Everyone else shines out but me"🎵

I hope he knows now that he shines brighter than any as a star in the fucking sky.

He takes a beat, I can almost feel the intake of breath from the room before all his power seeps out into the emotion of his words.

Fuck...

🎵 “But...
I came to life when I first kissed you,
The best me has his arms around you,
You make me better than I was before,

Thank God, I'm yours.”🎵

He’s mine... he’s fucking mine...

I recognise the song now... I’ve heard the Russell Dickerson version of I’m Yours but the way that Miles is singing it, the heart wrenching, roar break in his voice as every word seeps deep into my soul... I’ve never heard it sound like this.

I’ve never felt it like this... I’ve never had anyone sing to me... It’s like the words are burying their way into my shaking skin further than any tattoo could reach.

The room seems so empty, like if I turned around right now he’d be the only one in it. This is how he feels about me? When he heard this song this is what he wanted to say to me...

God... I’m so in love with him.

And now I’m starting to think he’s just  as in love with me... Who else would you sing this song to but the person you’re supposed to end up with?

How could someone like him be in love with someone like me?

He continues to flow through each line, each one drawing me closer and closer until I just can’t fight it, turning in my seat to face him when I realise it’s the last chorus and I could never let it pass without seeing his face as he says the words.

🎵 “I came to life when I first kissed you,
The best me has his arms around you,
You make me better than I was before,
Thank God I'm yours.

The worst me is just a long gone memory,
You put a new heartbeat inside of me,
You make me better than I was before...”🎵

The final words sit on his lips, there's no nerves or hesitation in him anymore, instead he looks straight at me, every emotion I’ve ever felt for him pounding and beating its way from my heart trying to rip through to the surface.

Then he says them, my eyes blur and I just hope to fuck that he knows I’m saying them right back to him.


🎵“Thank God, I'm yours.”🎵

I’m his.

The room is erupting with applause but it's just sounds like a low hum in the back of my head, both of us lost in a world of our own creation. I never thought I’d have this, never find somebody who could take away all the hurt and all the pain. It’s just a song...  but it said everything that both of us have been too fucking afraid to say out loud.

Zoe slips his guitar off his lap, beginning to chat with a few people who’ve come to the bottom of the stage, but he never breaks his eye contact with me. Stepping down off the edge and walking straight through the parted crowd, my legs moving faster than my brain can process until we meet in the middle of the room.

No words. I don’t have any and I don’t think we need them.

Instead, we have the thing that started this all.

A kiss.

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