My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 229

BRIE'S P.O.V.

"It's been a week! Why the fuck is it taking them so long?!" Charlie just continues to – and I use this term very fucking loosely – 'dance' around my office in my new red bottom heels. I really wish we weren't the same fucking size, he steals all my fucking good ones.

"I don't fucking know!" He shrieks like the little fucking banshee that he is, laying down flat on my desk now with his heels pointed at the ceiling as he Instagram's my fucking shoes on his feet. "Josh has got this crazy fucking notion that they need space or time or something. I'm telling you, this is some straight people crap. Those two are such defective fucking gays, why can't they just bang and get it over with like the rest of the fucking community?! I want my J'Lo back!"

Don't we fucking all, mate.

I try not to meddle in my friends' lives...Okay, that's bullshit, but I try at least not to meddle to this extent. These two however, are getting on my last fucking nerve!

Me and Charlie have been playing background fucking Cupid since the day I knew that mini Thompson was coming home. They both needed it, they are so ridiculously in fucking awe of each other but are too much of pansy-ass bitches to do anything about it, so we stepped up.

I had high hopes in the beginning, but with every day that passes without them getting balls deep in each other... I'm just starting to think that maybe it's best to knock them both over the head with a brick and then lock them in the Paradise sex room until they come out a couple again.

Damn, Paradise... That was a good fucking night... Well after I fucked Connor's ex anyway.

Shut up you lot, I'm married not fucking dead, I can still re-live the damn memories. Anyway, back to the men in question.

Why are they making this so fucking difficult? It's so fucking obvious that they're completely fucking obsessed with each other, they've just got so used to trying to protect each other from the pain of what being in love could bring them again, that they aren't seeing that neither of them want to fucking wait!

"Maybe we need to go back to the drawing board?" And by that, I mean the literal drawing board.

Charlie skips from my desk over to the whiteboard in the corner, flipping it over to reveal my masterpiece.

Okay, it's mostly just a load of secret photos we've taken of them and post-it notes with words like 'trick them onto balcony' and 'why does Josh have note with GOT MILK?  on in his wallet' pinned together. The red string has absolutely no correlation to what's actually happening on it, but it makes Charlie feel like he's in MI5 so I let him fucking have it.

"How has Josh not fucked his face off yet? Look at him!" Charlie runs his fingertips down the poster of Milo from that charity gig he did last year, waiting until he thinks I'm distracted to whip his tongue out and fucking lick the boy.

He's my favourite creep.

"Fuck if I know, you'd assume after all this time his balls would be so heavy he'd be desperate to fucking empty them! Those things must be huge, you'd think he'd have to move around everywhere like a fucking slug, just dragging his giant balls behind him as he slithers along the floor on his fucking ridiculously ab'd stomach just trying to make it from place to place under the weight of his lack of sex life. You get anything off his phone at work today?" Charlie goes into his handbag, cat walking his way over to me before slamming down the printouts of their text messages from the last two days.

Don't you judge me, if Josh didn't want us to read them then he'd make his password a bit harder than Liam's fucking birthday.

"There's fuck all in them my delicious chocolate drop, not even a bit of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours'. Nothing that can help us, I could see on his call log that they're talking every night but they still haven't fucking seen each other! We need something they can't say no to, something to bring them together again... Oh I know, what about a glory hole? We could convince Josh to shove his –"