PART FOUR

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Wearing a mask wears you out

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Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren't.

— Rick Warren

Have you ever felt like drowning?

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Have you ever felt like drowning?

It's a horrible sensation, really. First comes a piercing pain through the ears and nose. Discomfort begins to rise up your chest, forcing you to open your mouth. The water rushes in, and then you give in. You inhale, the sharp stabbing pain reaching till your eyes. I don't know what will happen next. I pulled myself up from the water. Maybe I'd die if I was in there just a little longer, maybe I wouldn't.

I breathe heavily after it. I've tried this so many times just to make sure whether or not drowning is the way I want to die. It's not. In fact, despite all the thoughts I've had with me, I'm too much of a chicken to take a step and kill myself to make everything better for every single person around me. Who would miss me, after all? It's not like anyone cares.

But like I said, I'm too scared to die.

So if I ever think of dying, I'd run instead.

Run so far that everyone forgets me, run so far that no one ever finds me.

Running doesn't feel like drowning, after all, and in my opinion, the feeling of drowning is the most painful one in the entire world.

Running doesn't feel like drowning, after all, and in my opinion, the feeling of drowning is the most painful one in the entire world

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