SEASICK

77- To Have and To Hold

"Oh... Hello, Ivo." Alana sits straighter, alarmed by his sudden visit.

Ivo does not speak, instead, he enters the room slowly, the clicking of the shutting door sends an uneasy vibration through Alana. Ivo's hair is held up in a bun, capturing his bangs out of his face, with only a few baby hairs wisping over his olive forehead. Ivo appeared to have changed into nightwear, wearing a billowy sage top that loosely laced down the front, and a pair of beige loose trousers, cuffed at his ankles. The pattering sound echoing from the soles of his leather lounge shoes echoed through the small ship cabin as he approached her bed.

Alana's chest constricted when he halted at the foot of her bed, still not saying a word.

Ivo places the lantern atop her clothing chest before moving to sit on the edge of the mattress. His position is stiff and awkward, resting his elbows on his knees and keeping his eyes locked onto his intertwined fingers.

Alana looks over his side profile with concern tailing the end of hope. She had not spoken with Ivo in what felt like an eternity, at least he has not spoken to her. This late meeting had thrown her off, but hope blossomed in her chest spreading out in a buzz to her skull. But somewhere between the vibrations, there was fright, worry that he was not there to make up.

Ivo's features were washed in sorrow, uncertainty, and oddly without with a smile. Alana wanted to ask a million questions, say ten million things, but she bit her tongue and refrained from pushing the man to speak before he was ready. Alana could see that he was uncomfortable in her presence.

The waves crashing against the side of the ship and the creaking wood resonated through the room, mingling with the tension that wrapped around the two unmoving figures. Alana was unsure what to do with the tense silence, to confront him might push Ivo too far, and to ignore would only suffocate her more. Her chest thumped regarding the unspoken way Ivo let his emotions bare, knowing that without his faux smile he was as genuine as he could.

"I..." Ivo's voice abruptly cut through the silence, almost startled Alana. "I don't know why I came here." He admits as his fingers tighten around themselves.

"I am happy that you are." Alana softly assures him.

Ivo gently bites his bottom lip in thought before he continues.

"I suppose I came for your help." He keeps his eyes on his hands. "I have been troubled by a thought."

Alana tilted her head quizzically, the ends of her short dark hair tickled against her shoulder.

"What thought?"

"I... am terrified that if I get too close to you, I will break you."

Alana's stomach winds itself into a whirlpool, pulling her heart down into the pressure.

"I can still feel you, your neck, in my hand. Every moment, in every second, every single day... your pulse was disappearing... in my hand." Ivo's voice cracks. "I promised myself I would protect you and yet it was me who almost killed you."

Alana shakes her head quickly. "I don't remember you being there, Ivo."

For the first time since he has sat Ivo peered over to the girl with slightly furrowed brows.

"I know Ivo, I know him well. He is kind, he is always gentle with me, he takes care of me just as everyone else does." Alana explains as if he was not the one to whom she was speaking. "That night Ivo, you, were nowhere near me. I know you. And I am not afraid of you, I am not afraid you will hurt me."

Alana's countenance is genuine and pleading for him to believe her. Ivo shakes his head once and places his sights back on his hands.

"I know the others adore you as I do," He continued. "I have been so worried you would hate me... with what happened. I could not bear it if I were the reason for your unhappiness here or if I were the reason that the others suffered your absence. I have been avoiding you, hoping that you will feel more comfortable without me nearby. I am afraid that the sound of my voice will scare you, so I have refused to speak."