Stay

4

trigger warning mention of abuse and panic attacks

I sat against the tub and clawed at my chest as I tried to breathe. I could here Colby outside the door. "Marissa are you okay what happened" he said with worry in his voice. I tried to answer but couldn't as I hyperventilated and sobs started wracking through my shaking body. I tried to stay quiet so Colby wouldn't hear. I knew he probably did so I just gave up and continued to sob. "Marissa Please open the door" Colby said with a shaky voice. Did he care why was he so worried. No he probably just wanted me to leave his room. "Marissa I'm Unlocking the door" He said. I opened my mouth to stop him but still couldn't breathe as I hyperventilated. A Couple seconds later the lock on the door popped and Colby swung it opened. He saw me in full Panic on the floor.  He quickly came over and crouched down reaching for my shoulders. I flinched at his movements as I struggled to breathe. He pulled his arms back and looked at me. "Marissa I'm not gonna hurt you ok" Colby said. I just whimpered and pounded on my chest and looked around cautiously. Colby grabbed my face gently in his hands and made me look at him. "Look at me your ok just breath your safe" he said and pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me as sobbed. "Marissa Tell me 5 things you see" He said calmly I shook my head not wanting his help I didn't deserve it. "Marissa you need to calm down ok let me help what are 5 things you can see" He said. I Took a deep breath and looked around the bathroom " The shower" I said in between breaths. "good what else" Colby said. "The.....the towel  a..and the sink" I said as my breathing started to slow. "Good ok 2 more" Colby said. "the door and you" I said quietly as my breathing returned to normal.

"Good girl your okay Marissa your safe ok I promise" Colby said. I nodded and looked up at him he brought his hand to my face I flinched a little. "hey your safe I'm not gonna hurt you ok" he said softly. I nodded as he brought his hand up to my face and softly wiped the tears away. I Shakily stood up but Colby kept his arms wrapped around me and stood with me. "I'm ok" I whispered looking down. "Marissa your shaking like a leaf your not okay how can I help you" He said as he put his finger under my chin and made me look at him. "What usually helps you stop shaking" Colby said as I sighed. "Quin wraps her arms around me and squeezes that usually helps" I said as he nodded. "Ok I'm gonna do that ok" he said I nodded. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tightly making me immediately feel the panic leaving my body and my body stop shaking. We stayed that way till I completely stopped shaking. "Thank you" I said and pulled away. "Of course" Colby said with a soft smile

We walked into the living room and sat on the couch. "Did you wanna talk about it" Colby said and put his hand on my shoulder I flinched but didn't pull away. "Hey your safe" he said. "I'm sorry" I said quietly as I anxiously picked at my fingers. Colby put his hand on top of mine to make quit picking them. "Why are you sorry" Colby asked. "You don't need to deal with me being a cry baby" I said. "Look at me" he said. I looked up into his ocean blue eyes and instantly felt calm and safe. "You aren't being a crybaby. you had a panic attack and you can't control when they happen. so don't blame yourself okay." Colby said. "Okay" I said.

"Colby can I ask you something" I said and looked down at our hands. "Sure" he said and squeezed my hand. "How did you know how to calm me down" I said. "Because I get them sometimes too" he said. "really I'm sorry" I said and squeezed his hand. He just smiled softly at me .

We sat there for awhile before I must've fallen asleep. When I woke up my head was on Colby's shoulder. I sat up. "sorry" I said with a small smile. "its ok" he said. "How long was I asleep for" i asked. "About 3 hours" Colby said. I gasped "Wait what. What about Sam and Quin we were supposed to meet them". I said. "Its fine I texted Sam and told him to come up here and they did 2 hours ago" Colby said. "What what happened what did they say did you tell quin what happened" I said. "Hey take a deep breath its okay when they came in I didn't have to say anything Quin saw you and just instantly knew all she said was how long was the panic attack". I sighed knowing she was going to ask me about it later.

"Where are they" I asked. "They went to grab food we didn't know what you would want so Quin went with" Colby said.  "Why didn't you wake me up" I said. "Because I know bad and tired you can feel after a Panic attack and I wanted you too rest" he said. "Why do you care so much" I said. "Because your different Marissa Your special" he said. I went to respond but was interrupted by Sam and Quin Walking into the room with Taco bell. 

"Hey you ok" Quin said as she sat in the chair next to the couch. "We can talk about it later" I said. As I started to eat my mind was racing. What did Colby mean when he said I'm different. What did he mean when he said I'm special. We've only met a few hours ago. Did he see something in me that I don't see in myself. No he just wanted to make me feel better.

"Marissa are you ok" Quin said pulling me out of my thoughts. "What, Oh yeah I'm fine" I said. We ended up not filming and just hanging out till around 2am. I yawned and stretched my arms. "We should probably get to bed" I said. When I looked over at Quin she was asleep with her phone in her hands. I laughed and went over to her shook her shoulder. she groaned ans stood up and followed me to the door. "thank you for earlier Colby" I said and Turned to look at him when I was in the hall. "No problem, Goodnight Sleep Well Marissa" he said before he closed the door.

When we got in our room Quin got in bed and instantly fell asleep. I changed and took my medicine and got into bed.