Lonely Tears S2: My Beginning, End and Ever After

PART 23: Perpetually

WAR POV

The hardest part of life is simply getting out of bed, living through the day, holding on and spending today or the next few days, just trying to survive.

Time passes. It's been a week since I last self-harmed and the wound on my hand is still visible and every time I look at it, I feel like it's not enough to compare the suffering I caused him.

I tried to gather my mind and focused on studying but it didn't help me as Yin's face kept repeating in my mind. I know at this point I should let him get the happiness he deserves but it's so hard to do so.

I know Yin deserves better than me and I myself realized that but my selfishness also wants to be the better person that he deserves. He used almost two years of our separation to be a better person and supposedly I also needed to do the same but because I'm in a comfort zone and I always have friends that support me, I think that I'm already good enough.

And he wishes for me to always be happy but now I'm at my lowest and the only thing I could do is keep blaming myself over and over again.

I walked to my room after my class finished because that's what I've been doing these past few days, being alone and reflecting on myself.

I noticed Yin kept looking at me while we were in class, maybe he also felt weird why suddenly I became so quiet and when I told them I wanted to go back to my room, he also seemed like wanted to ask if I'm okay or not but I just gave him a tiny smile to tell him I'm fine.

"War," Pack grabbed my hand and made me stop walking.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied briefly and removed my hand from his grip.

"Are you still mad at me because of what I said about Yin?"

I sighed and wanted to walk away but he stood in front of me, blocking my path.

"Do you realize every time I talk about that asshole you will be mad at me?"

I clenched my fists and tried to hold back my patience, looking him deeply into his eyes. "He's.not.an.asshole," I said.

"So what is he? "A jerk?

"A dickhead?

"A–"

"You're son of—!" I grabbed his collar and raised my fist, almost punching him but my action and words stopped as I could feel my body tremble because I tried so hard to control my emotion.

I pushed him and let out a sigh.

"War..."

Pack walked closer to me and I backed away, the shocked expression obvious on his face because that's the first time I'm being like this and I was also shocked with my own actions.

I covered my face with my palm and let out a deep breath before looking back at him. "I just say it one time, Pack."

"Please listen carefully."

"If you talk shit about him again–"

"it's not hard for me to cut you off from my life."

"War...I'm–"

"Don't say you're sorry to me. Say to him."

"We owe an apology to him," I said and walked away, ignoring him that still called me.

..................................................

It's been more than three hour since I went back to my room and tried to do the same origami flowers that Yin gave me but it looked so bad when I made it.