My Professor's Obsession ENGLISH

Chapter 37

John's PO V

"Fuck life," I whispered and drank beer on can again.

I looked around my room. Full of scattered cans and items that I broke because of anger.

I lay down on the bed. I stared at the ceiling.

"Ah--" I graoned as my head hit a can.

I sat down and took it then threw it somewhere, I don't know what else to do.

"What if I just didn't live anymore? Should I just kill myself?" I whispered and lay down.

I looked at the ceiling once again.

"Maybe if I hadn't lived. Maybe Mom is successful now. Maybe she's a crowned Miss Universe," I whispered and laughed weakly.

"Maybe she's with my father, and got married."

I smiled but I could feel my tears falling.

"Maybe, if I didn't live ... Everything is fine. But what can I do? Here I am," I whispered and kept crying. "Hopefully, Mom just aborted me. Maybe I'm just an angel now. And at least I haven't done anything wrong. If I only knew how hard it is to live. If I only knew..." I said and covered my face with my two palms.

"JOHN!" Suddenly I heard Renalyn's voice.

I slowly stood up and walked towards the door. She never stopped knocking.

"Why?" I asked as I opened the door.

"John? W-why--- the hell happened to you!?" she asked.

I just shrugged and turned my back on her, I was about to go back to my room but she pulled my hand away.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE!? WHERE IS YOUR WIFE---"

"SHE LEFT ME!" I shouted full of pain.

She stopped in shock because of what I said. I removed her hands on me and walked slowly like a dead zombie.

"J-John! So, what the fuck are you doing? Why don't you go to her? Get her back!" she said as she followed me on foot.

I close my eyes emphatically.

"I FUCKING CAN'T!" I shouted.

I'm not really in the mood to talk to someone who doesn't understand my feelings.

"THEN TELL ME WHY!?" She shouted back at me. She's obviously fighting back.

"BECAUSE SHE'S WITH HER FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND! THEY ARE GETTING CLOSE TO THAT NEW ONE! THEN MY GODDAMN FATHER----" I stopped.

I gasped and stopped my tears from flowing again.

"Y-your father?-John... What about him?" She asked.

I stared at her, eye to eye.

"He looked at me. Like I'm not his son. I'm just a stranger that he passed by. Because... He's with his new fucking family," I said and forced a smile.

"J-John ..." there was sadness in her voice. She was about to touch me but I move backed away.

"Maybe I'm not destined to have a family. Maybe I'll just live alone, die alone..." I said sadly.

"John ... Don't give up! There's still tomorrow. As long as you live, you have to fight," she said.

I opened the bedroom door.

"That's why I want to die," I said softly and closed the door on her.

"JOHN!" she shouted and knocked on the door. I locked it up and took my beer again and drank.