Your Highness

HUNDRED AND THIRTYTHREE

"You should get some rest," she said.

Hayoon stretched her hand and reached for the bottle in his hand, but before she was even close to touching it Han immediately pulled it away from her. His brow furrowed, showing sign of discomfort, as if he didn't want physical contact with her.

Hayoon understood that he was uncomfortable. After many days of keeping her distance, Hayoon suddenly showed up as she pleases, so it was understandable that the mood wasn't light between them.

"If you don't want me to help, I can call one of the servants," Hayoon said.

Han looked like he could need all the sleep he could get. It seemed like he drank the wine on an empty stomach, his eyes looked drowsy and his neck was just as red as his eyes.

"That's very kind of you," Han said, sarcasm ringing from his words.

A smile graced his lips as he stared into Hayoon's eyes, a soulless smile. Hayoon could tell that he was mad at her. Hurt might be more precisely.

After countless of rejection, it is only normal that one would feel dejected and hurt. But it wasn't easy for Hayoon either. She couldn't just face him, and pretend like everything was fine. She could let slide once and twice, but she wouldn't be able to play deaf and blind forever. Some trivial matter would eventually became something bigger like a snowball running down a hill and it was just a matter of time before the problems would create a friction between them.

"Are you mad at me?" Hayoon asked.

Han shook his head lightly.

"Then why-"

"You might disappear," Han replied.

Just like dust, he was afraid her image might disappear if he was to touch it. It happened a lot before. Whenever he tried to grasp her image, she would vanish like dust in the air.

At first Hayoon didn't understand his words, but realized that he had probably taken more wine that she had imagined. Han must think he was seeing things.

When Hayoon drank beyond her limits, it was normal for her vision to be unclear, and she might mistake one person for another.

It would be normal if Han mistook her for Ailee, or another woman, but why would he think she would disappear? As he knew the person he was seeing wasn't real? Didn't that mean that he was sober enough to differentiate a real person from a hallucination?

Han wasn't be drunk.

"Han, does this happen often?" Hayoon asked with a serious voice.

"What?"

"Seeing people like this, does it happens often?"

Her words was like a bucket of ice, awaking his mind and senses. Han realized that the person stepping into this room wasn't an image from the corner of his mind, but a real person.

"When did you come?" Han asked with a voice that was just as surprised as his expression. Han couldn't hide his irritation from the thought of the servants not announcing her arrival.

Han buried his face inside his hands as he let out a heavy sigh. How he wished that he could just disappear like dust.

Hayoon took a step closer and carefully she reached for his arm. Giving in to her pull, Han eventually let his hands fall and was forced to face her.

"Shouldn't we talk about this?" She spoke carefully as if asking for permission.

Although Han had wished that Hayoon wouldn't know to this side of him, there was nothing he could do anymore. It was just a matter of times before he would be exposed, when trying to hide one flaw he would miss to cover the other.

"It happens from time to time," Han answered her question.

"When did it start?" Hayoon further asked. It was obvious that he wasn't happy to talk about it, but at least, he tried.

"I don't remember," Han said.

It made her sad to hear.

"Who do you see?"

Han looked like he hated this question, more than the previous one. He didn't look at her while answering the question as if he wanted to hide.

"Different people. Royal mother, the head monk, you. I don't remember..."

It didn't sound like ere was a specific pattern judging from the way Han described to be very randomly.

Hayoon placed her hand around Han's hand and held it softly. Han didn't seem to reject her this time. His finger naturally intertwined with hers, as he let his hand fall to his laps, not intending to let go.

"Things like this..." Hayoon carefully said.

"You can share them with me,"

"It's so difficult," Han said in a small voice. For Han, sharing his concerns was the most difficult thing he had ever tried. Life had taught him to hide his weaknesses and endure things on his own. That was the weight one had to bear in order to appear strong and unbreakable.

The concept of sharing one's concern, was foreign and strange. Personally, Han didn't felt comfortable at all. It made him feel pathetic and miserable.

"I only want to show you the perfect version of me, my ugly side will only ruin everything,"

"The perfect version is only an illusion we make of ourself. How can people be perfect all the time? You were the one that taught me that," Hayoon wrapped her other hand around Han's.

"I also only wanted to show you my perfect side, but I was able to show you my weakness because I that's how much I trusted you. Don't you trust me?"

"I do, but I fear," Han couldn't finish his sentence.

"What do you fear?"

Han swallowed. It felt like a big stone was placed on his chest. It wasn't easy for him to find the words and the truth might turn things even uglier. There were so many risk, but it felt like his chest was going to burst if doesn't say it.

"I'm afraid you want to me, Hayoon-ah."