Roses & Ruin

Chapter 92 (Lexi)

         The wedding was in two days. I've had this anxious flutter in my gut that I'd call wedding jitters. Tonight my family from Russia will be arriving as will my best friend. I was excited on some front's, like seeing the girls. My feelings towards my wedding were now complicated ones though.

I hated the fact that this wedding was beyond my control, that I wasn't marrying for love, but for their benefit. But at the same time I enjoy Anthony, and I favor the idea of him being handcuffed to me over Enzo who I had no connection with. 

But at the same time Anthony agreed to a promotion, and me as the new weight around his ankle to carry. Yet, he says he did it for me. He called it my freedom.

        I'm not the kind of girl who played dress up pretending to be a bride when I was a little girl, planning my wedding at a young age. I didn't really think much about it at all. Before knowing about the arrangement we ran from, a marriage was just something I knew adults did, but that mom didn't. I figured if mom had to leave her husband it couldn't be all that great. That's what I grew up thinking about weddings.

I came to resent the idea even more when I found out what Vitaly wanted from me. My mother always wanted me to get married, but for love. That's another complicated feeling. I think she would've really loved planning my wedding. 

She wanted to walk me down the aisle as my only parent, and I told her one day she would. That stings deeper than you could think possible.

I miss her. God, do I miss her. I try to picture her face, her voice, her smell. I never want to forget them, but the image can distort with time. I never wanna let that happen. With the few photos I have of her and I, I look at them often. I have some of her clothes I try to smell, but the scent has faded away. 

I know a piece of me, a very large part was buried with her. Something I won't get back. Ever.

-

        I heard Andrei calling for me, but I ignored him. If he wants me he can come to my room. I was giving the Petrov men a bit of a cold shoulder now that the wedding was so close and they were smug about it. Still I heard my brother calling for me until finally he just filled my doorway. "Are you deaf?" He huffed. "Are you crippled?" I retorted.

When Andrei walked into my room I couldn't decipher the look on his face, but when he placed a present in front of me I was surprised. And confused if I'm being honest. Since when does Andrei buy me presents? I figured it's some gag gift to piss me off or something.

        "It's my wedding present to you. I figured I'd give it to you a few days early so you don't puff up with tears" he told me. Yup, he's definitely being a dick. I rolled my eyes, but grabbed the box anyway. Andrei came and sat on the end of my bed to watch me open it. 

I gave him a suspicious eye, but when I removed the silver paper it was a plain box underneath. Then I opened the box. My hand hesitated over the item. It looked like a photo album. 

When he waved his inked hand for me to hurry up and take it, I pulled it out of the box and studied it a second before I opened to the first page. 

        Immediately something sharp pierced through my heart and my chest swelled something fierce. The very first picture was of my mother, young, before marriage. A photo I've never seen before. Any photograph of my life before I left Russia was left behind at the Petrov house the night my mother took me and ran away. 

I've never seen any, aside from the other week when Andrei had our housekeeper in Russia send pictures of him and I when we got along as small children.