Roses & Ruin

Chapter 98 (Anthony)

Last night with Lexi was intense. I don't know what came over me when I decided to tell Lexi about that night where I almost...I've never told anyone before, and I was unsure how to feel about telling someone now. Her of all people. When did she become the person I wanted to tell things to? Deep things.

I won't lie. I was a little freaked out with how well we were doing together. The apartment isn't fully put together, but she's making an effort to keep things cleaner than she's used to, and I've made the effort not to be anal about it.

        We sleep in the same bed. Comfortably. We have toothbrushes next to one another's. I wake up to her tart apple scent every morning when I am inevitably pushed up against her, like I can't help myself even when unconscious.

I go to sleep usually after having great sex with her. In between all that we have our own stuff going on. Work and things. But we shared meals together more than once this week.

She reads, I read. She walks around half naked all day, and I watch with enjoyment. She goes to castings, I go deal with the Russian's and the Irish aftermath now that they've tucked their tails and run.

Then we come home to each other. Whether my knuckles are red from a fight, or I had a short day and I'm undoing my suit and tie, realizing I was looking forward to getting home to her. What the fuck is this? This isn't supposed to be real, so why is it working out that way?

Like a real married couple, doing real married people shit.

I'd been on my way home with a bottle of champagne, because Lexi called me earlier in excitement to tell me she got a job for the fashion week thing she'd been talking to me about. I know that's a huge deal for her career, and I was proud of her. So I bought champagne and I was gonna make us dinner...which feels very domestic.

I don't know why I'm bugging myself out so much. I should be happy things are running smoothly, seeing as we won't be getting rid of each other any time soon. But I'm not happy. Not exactly.

I'm not happy about actually being happy when I shouldn't be. We promised not to get lost in all this. To remember what this really is between us. A fake marriage contract. No relationship. NO feelings.

When I got home I noticed I was the first to get here. I knew she'd been with Mia and possibly that Karl fella. She'd told me she was on her way though, so I stopped for the champagne and now I guess I'll cook something.

I'm used to moving around my old kitchen, where all my things were put in the place they'd been for years and years. I moved easily because everything was familiar and everything was comfortable.

         Right now I have none of that. Half our stuff is still boxed up. We haven't figured out what goes where, so the seasonings for the meal are in one place, and I have to open and close cabinets all over to find it.

I know it's an adjustment, it's just been a really long time since I've had to do that. I've lived alone for so long, and in the same apartment at that.

Relax Rizzo...it's not real.

-

I heard the front door and glanced over my shoulder to see Lexi coming in, kicking off her shoes. She smiled when she saw me, but stopped short and looked down at her discarded shoes. "Uh, I'll put those away. Promise" she gave me an innocent shrug.

Before putting her shoes away though, she came to me to see what I was doing.

"That looks so good" she sniffed the air. When I turned to her she came up on her toes and pecked my lips hello. Again...too domestic. Like a habit. You can't make a habit of something you know is temporary. That's how things turn complicated. And I don't want complicated. I want simple.