SHATTERED

five

alex

i pulled into my parent's driveway, but i made no attempt to immediately cut the engine of my car, unbuckle my seatbelt, or get out of my car. instead, i sat there for a moment with both of my hands gripping the steering wheel as i took a few, deep breaths.

it's currently thanksgiving day. i just made the two hour trip from my apartment to my parents' house, where most of our family goes for thanksgiving.

i cut the engine of my car, unbuckled, opened my door, then reached over to grab the pan of food that i brought. once i had it, i got out of the car, and i walked over to the front door. by the time i reached the door, mom had opened it. she smiled brightly as she saw me.

"isabella, my love, i've missed you so much," she smiled up at me as she lifted her hands to place them on my cheeks.

a small frown formed on my lips at the use of my deadname. it took her a moment before her eyes widened.

"alex. i'm sorry. you know it's—" she started to say.

"it's fine," i forced a small, fake smile. "i missed you too, momma," i mumbled before i stepped past her to take the pan of food i brought to the kitchen.

i walked to the kitchen, and i sat my pan down. i started to walk to the living room, but i was stopped by a few family members that wanted to catch up. of course, i got the same, usual questions.

have you thought about going to college?

have you got a real job?

do you have a boyfriend?

the last one always annoys the fuck out of me.

i'm unlabeled, but i'm pretty much attracted to anyone. i don't care what they identify as.

it's just that they won't accept that i'm anything but straight. they always ask if i have a boyfriend, and not if i'm dating someone.

i hate it so much.

not only did i get asked those annoying ass questions several times, but i was also misgendered and called by my deadname a handful of times.

fun.

i was eventually able to make my way into the living room. almost immediately, i was able to spot my favorite cousin. he spotted me too, and he gave a grin before he walked over to dap me up.

"what's up, man?" he asked.

"'sup?" i gave him a once over, and i then sucked my teeth. "damn, you still haven't got your growth spurt?"

he's 5'6 and has been since he was fourteen. he's twenty-six now.

"it's been literally fifteen seconds, and you're already coming for my neck; pipe down," he rolled his eyes as he shoved my shoulder, which made me laugh.

"nah, you know i'm fucking with you," i chuckled. "i support short kings," i rested my arm on his head. his kissed his teeth as he pushed my arm away.

we walked over to a couch, and we took a seat. i sat man-spread with my arms crossed over my chest. he propped his arm on the armrest of the couch, and he propped his head in that hand.

"so, you're still in that band, huh?" he raised a brow.

"yeah," i nodded. "fuckin' liam left last month," i rolled my eyes.

"no shit?" his eyes widened. he sighed. "i never liked him anyways; he was a dick."

i laughed at that. "he was a damn show-off."