SHATTERED

thirty-six

alex

while saylor was in the shower, i sat on my bed and scrolled through my phone aimlessly. i checked instagram. like every other time i go on there now, i saw several posts about me and saylor that were either saying how we should date or that we already are dating. after the fifth one i saw, i turned my phone off and set it to the side.

i looked around the room blankly for a while. i then glanced over at my suitcase, which was laying in the middle of the floor. i thought back to the other night, when saylor had woke up in the middle of the night and tripped over my suitcase. i stared at it for a few minutes before i let out a deep sigh and got up.

i walked over to my suitcase, and i zipped it up. i then stood it up, and i rolled it over to place it against the wall, next to saylor's. as i was doing so, the bathroom door opened.

i looked over towards saylor with a small smirk played on my lips. "maybe you won't trip on it this time," i teased.

"ha. ha. so funny," she rolled her eyes. "i bruised the shit out of my leg because of that, you know? and all you could care about was going back to sleep!"

"kick me in the shin, so we'll have matching bruises," i gave a fake smile. "a little bit of payback."

she glared up at me. "don't test me."

i stepped closer to her, and i looked down at her. i glanced at my leg, then back to her. "go ahead, angel," i challenged with a slight rasp in my voice.

she swallowed, but she continued to glare up at me. she looked down at my leg as well, then back up to me. she sighed as she shook her head. "i'm not kicking you, alex."

my smirk returned. "i knew you couldn't do it," i poked her forehead with my index finger and shoved her back a little bit. i walked past her after i did.

i turned to face my bed as i reached it. i looked down at my hand, the one that i had poked saylor with. my brows furrowed as i looked at it.

the fuck was that?

i could've pushed past her and shoved my shoulder into her, like i've done plenty of times before... but i poked her. since when the fuck have i done that?!

what the fuck is going on with me?

instead of getting into my bed, i grabbed my pack of cigarettes and my lighter off of my nightstand. i grabbed my hoodie as well, and i pulled it over myself. without saying a word or even looking at saylor, i walked out onto the balcony. i closed the door behind myself, then pulled a cigarette out of the pack. i placed it between my lips, and i lit it. i then leaned over the railing as i took a drag from it.

i don't know what's happening, but i don't like it.

•

the day after our seventh show, we have a free day in the city. laura thought it would be nice for us to have a little break. we're having a picnic in some park.

i've never been the type to go on picnics, but it's nice out today, and i don't really have anything better to do... so why not?

"look what i saw on insta earlier," jessie laughed as she showed me her phone.

i looked at her screen. it was some post by a fan account. it was a picture of billie eilish and her boyfriend... except jessie's face had been photoshopped over the guy's face. i raised a brow as i looked at it then to jj. "you didn't make that?"