SHATTERED

seventy-four

saylor

i stared at my front door, where alex stormed out less than fifteen seconds ago. my brows were furrowed deeply. i let out a sigh, and i propped my elbows on the counter. i held my head in my hands, and i closed my eyes.

seriously, what the fuck just happened?

i don't even know how whatever that was escalated into alex storming out like that. i tried to keep the whole thing calm, and i tried to actually talk through everything with them, but they just blew up on me.

i know that's not the first time alex has raised their voice at me like that, but why did it actually hurt this time?

i pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes as i still sat at the counter.

i wonder how long all of that has been bothering them; the fact that they used to be mean to me for no apparent reason. they only started to seem off since right before the conversation... but then again, alex has never been one to open up about anything, so there's really no telling how long this has been bothering them.

i let out a deep sigh, and i stood up. i walked to my room, and i slipped on a pair of pants, since i was still in just the t-shirt and underwear that i had put on after my shower last night. i put socks and shoes on next before i grabbed my phone, my keys, and my wallet. i then walked out of my apartment.

within no time at all it seemed, i was at miguel's apartment, and i was knocking on his door. only a few seconds passed before he opened the door.

"hey, saylor," he greeted, albeit a bit confused. "i didn't know you were coming over."

"yeah, me neither," i mumbled. i wasted no time in stepping forward and burying my head into his chest as i wrapped my arms around him.

he paused for a second before he pulled me closer and completely inside. he shut his door, and he hugged me close as he brought me over to the couch. i laid beside him, not once moving my head from his chest.

he held me tightly and comfortingly as his chin rested on the top of my head. his hand rubbed my back soothingly. neither of us said anything for a while.

after who knows how long, he moved his chin from the top of my head. "are you okay?" he questioned softly.

i shrugged.

he waited a few seconds. "do you wanna talk about it?"

i shook my head against his chest as i grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. he kissed my temple as he murmured "alright. that's perfectly fine, but i'm here for you if you do wanna talk about it, okay?"

"i know. thank you, miggy," i mumbled.

we were silent again for a long while. i still didn't move my head from his chest as i tried to relax in his hold and calm down. at some point, i reached for one of his hands, which he let me hold without complaints or hesitation. even though i tried not to, i couldn't help but think about mine and alex's conversation from this morning.

eventually, i sat up. i was still silent as i loosely fiddled with miggy's hand, which i was still holding. i then asked if he would go out to get some coffee with me, and he agreed.

roughly twenty minutes later, we're at some café. we're sitting in the back, and we both have a coffee cup placed in front of us. i was anxiously picking at the label on my cup, while he slowly sipped his and looked at me patiently.

"do you think i forgive people too easily?" i asked, just loud enough that he could hear me.

his brows furrowed, and he tilted his head. he eventually let out a small sigh. "there's been times where you've forgiven people that didn't deserve it, and i've wondered how or why you did. at the same time though, if forgiving them gives you peace, then that's all that matters, yeah? if putting it behind you, forgiving them, and starting anew is what eases you and makes you happy, then i don't see why you shouldn't; just as long as they don't continue to hurt you."