SHATTERED

thirty

saylor

a few weeks later, we have the ep mastered and announced with a release date. we're currently at a tour rehearsal. the tour is set to start just a week after the ep is released.

i looked up at alex as they stood in front of me. they stared down at me as they strummed their guitar. there was a mic to their right that they were able to sing into, even as they looked down at me. they sent a small smirk as their verse ended. it was a just an instrumental now, so they turned around and walked towards jessie, as they played. once they were in front of jj, they started to obnoxiously head bang.

alex has, surprisingly, been very tolerable lately. granted, they still have their moments, and they're still a childish asshole, but i haven't had the urge to slap them in a good week or so, which has been nice.

i don't know what's caused them to be more tolerable, but i'm definitely not going to complain.

the day jessie got back from los angeles, and we were in the studio, alex had given me one of their cigarettes and even lit it for me. i'm honestly still surprised about that.

i mean, seriously.. alex? sharing? with me?

what shocked me even more was when they said "you're gonna get sick if you stay out here long, you know? you should come inside." it was just so unlike alex to say.

though they did get a little pissed when i didn't immediately come inside, and they got even more pissed when i came into the studio the next day with a bit of a cough and a runny nose.

"i told your ass to come inside, but no, you didn't wanna listen," they rolled their eyes. "now you're all sick and miserable. stupid ass, for real," they shook their head, but let out a barely audible chuckle.

to be fair... when alex was showing me how to play what they had come up with, it made me think back to when arlo was teaching me the guitar. i just needed to be alone for a while, and being outside on the roof was the best place for that.

god, i miss arlo. every day, i regret not telling my parents that he had left and that i didn't try harder to stop him.

now, there's no telling where he's at or if he's even alive still. as i got older, i realized he was on drugs that night. for all i know, he could've overdosed somewhere. i'd never even know; he went completely ghost after he left. i've tried finding him, but i've had no luck.

i just hope he's alive and okay.

after a while, we finished up tour rehearsal. i sat on the edge of the stage, and i drank a bottle of water. miguel sat next to me and ate a bag of chips. jessie and alex were standing somewhere behind us, talking to each other.

miguel pulled his phone out of his pocket. he stared at his lock screen for a moment before his brows furrowed. he turned his head toward jessie and alex. "hey, alex, isn't today your birthday?"

"i don't know," they made a face. "what's today's date?"

"april eleventh."

"oh. guess it is," they shrugged.

my brows knitted together. "okay, first off, how did you not know it was your birthday?!" i looked at them, bewildered. "and two, why do you not even care that it's your birthday?"

"why should i?" they raised a brow. "i don't see the big deal. like, why should i be excited that i'm one year closer to my death?"

"don't look at it that way, damn. think about it as 'i've made it another year in life.' that's something to celebrate," i explained.

"nah. i really just don't care to celebrate my birthday," they lifted their arms as they stretched their back. they seemed to be in thought for a moment. "ew, i'm twenty five now. i'm not as old as you yet... but still."

"okay, nah, we've gotta throw hands now," i started to get up.

"alright, let's go," they nodded.

before either of could make it to the other, miguel wrapped his arms around me to keep me on the ground, while jessie snatched alex back. we both narrowed our eyes at each other.

i huffed. i then thought for a moment. "so, you're an aries?"

their face scrunched up. "oh, don't tell me you're one of them fucking astrology bitches."

"no," i denied as i shook my head.

"how else do you just know what my sign is?" they raised a brow. "only an astrology bitch would know that!"

"i knew that, and i'm not one," miguel said.

"see?" my eyes widened a bit. "i'm not one. i don't understand that shit."

"i don't trust them bitches. this girl i was hooking up with asked me what my sign was and then tried to use crystals on me! a crystal is not about to fix me," they huffed, which caused the three of us to laugh loudly.

"this girl asked me what mine was, and when i told her gemini, she said 'that makes sense.' then i was, like, 'sike, i'm an aquarius,' and she said 'i knew it,'" jessie told us as they made a face. "bitch, i'm a fucking capricorn. 'i knew it,' my damn ass."

we continued to talk for a while, until we completely wrapped up the tour rehearsal and left the venue that we were using for rehearsals. jessie and miguel went home, while alex said something about going to the practice building.

•

an hour or so later, i'm walking into the practice building. alex was sitting on the couch, and they were scrolling through their phone. they looked up once they heard me, and they furrowed their brows.

"what's that?" they asked as they looked at what i was holding in my hand.

i hummed as i walked over towards them. i set the bag on the coffee table. i pulled it out the bag. "a cupcake, for you. i know you said you didn't care to celebrate your birthday, but it's definitely something to celebrate. life is hard, so the fact that you made it another year is something to be happy about."

their brows knitted together. they looked between me and the cupcake a few times. "i don't trust you. how do i know you didn't poison this or some shit?"

i stared blankly at them. "yes, alex, i poisoned the cupcake. i got some poison from the sketchy guy down the street and put it in the cupcake," i said sarcastically. "no, i didn't fucking poison it! you're not worth a murder charge, thank you."

their brows raised. "i am too, thank you," they mocked. "but shit, you never know. there's a likely chance you could've poisoned it!"

"oh my god, just take the damn cupcake!" i huffed as i held it out further to them.

their eyes narrowed at me. they glanced down at the cupcake for a moment. "what flavor is it?" they asked after a few, long seconds.

"strawberry," i answered. i tried it hand it to them again. "here."

they hesitantly took the cupcake from my hand. they looked at me with narrowed eyes for a moment or two. they pulled the cupcake liner back, and they took a bite of the cupcake. they clearly tried to hide the fact that they liked it, but failed as their eyes closed briefly, and they let out a quiet, muffled "fuck."

"it's okay," they muttered unconvincingly after they chewed. "this isn't me celebrating my birthday, by the way. just so you know that."

i hummed. "whatever you say, alex," i smirked to myself as i turned to walk towards the door. "g'night."

•

a/n ayooo

thoughts?

any predictions?

words:
1324