SHATTERED

fourteen

alex

two days before our single, props & mayhem, is supposed to come out, we're still in the studio working on it.

we had been working on it consistently since laura told us that we had to release it. we're almost finished, but i wasn't happy with some of the vocals, so jessie is helping me with that.

"does it even make a difference? when i'm sober, i feel pain," i sang into the mic. i shook my head. "fuck. let's do it again."

i rolled my eyes as i saw saylor groan and fall back across the couch. even in the sound booth, i could hear her say "it sounds fine. damn."

"i don't want it to sound fine. i want it to sound perfect," i huffed. i let out a breath as jessie gave a countdown with her fingers. "does it even make a— nope, delete that one."

this time, even miguel slumped over dramatically. i watched jessie let out a laugh. i flipped the three of them off. "come on, again."

•

an hour later, jessie is messing with the production of props & mayhem still. they're almost finished.

i, on the other hand, stepped out of the studio. i leaned against the wall next to the door as i pulled my cigarettes and lighter out of my back pocket. i took one out of the pack, and i held it between my lips as i lit it.

i took a long drag from it. i've been in that studio for five damn hours. after doing that, on top of the other three being annoyed of how many takes i took, i think i deserve a cigarette.

as i was taking a second hit, the cigarette was suddenly pulled out of my mouth. i glanced down just slightly to see that it was laura. "what have i told you about smoking. in here, alex?"

"i needed one," i huffed. "give it back."

"you can smoke outside," she shook her head before she dropped it into her coffee mug, which only had about two sips left anyways. my jaw dropped slightly.

"anyways, i was coming to check on how the song was coming along," she spoke as she completely disregarded our previous conversation. "how is it?"

"it's almost done; jessie is finishing it right now."

"ah, that's good. so, you'll have it ready in time?" she raised a brow.

"we should, yeah," i gave a nod. "now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go smoke," i gave a fake smile.

i walked past her, and i headed for the elevator. as i walked, i pulled my hood over my head, and i pulled my sleeves down. once i got to the elevator, i pressed the top floor button.

when i got outside, onto the roof, i almost immediately shivered. it's nearing the end of january, so it's definitely still cold out. i leaned against one of the walls that surround the door to the stairs as i pulled my cigarettes and lighter out again. i lit another cigarette, and i took a drag from it.

i stayed up here for a while. long enough to smoke two cigarettes and be half way through a third one, at least.

i turned my head as i heard the door open. i rolled my eyes as i saw that it was saylor.

"oh. i didn't know you were up here," she mumbled.

i watched with low eyes as she walked over to the edge of the roof. she sat on the railing with her back towards the city; she was facing me. her feet her barely dangling above the ground.

"how the fuck can you stand to constantly smoke those?" she made a face as she glanced at the cigarette that was between my index and middle finger. "why not get a vape? they taste and smell better."

"they're not for me. i only take a hit of jessie's every now and again," i shrugged. i then gave a sarcastic smile. "i like to taste the cancer, with cigs."

"oh. lovely," she commented. i couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

i hummed. i pushed off of the wall i was still leaning against. "well, looks like i need to find another roof top to smoke on."

she narrowed her eyes at me. "seriously?"

"yep," i muttered.

my brows raised as she hopped off of the ledge and took a step forward. we were now standing only a few feet about. "okay, seriously, what the fuck is your problem with me? you've hated me since we met, but i haven't done anything to you," she spoke as she looked at me.

i stared down at her as my jaw clenched. i didn't answer. i'm honestly a bit surprised at the sudden outburst.

when i didn't respond, she lifted her hands. she placed them just under my chest as she pushed me back some. "c'mon. what is it, alex?"

i thought back to the other day. jessie tried to say that i was jealous that saylor had slept with them and not me.

jealous, my ass. i couldn't give a fuck who saylor sleeps with.

with my cigarette in the corner of my lips, i grabbed one of her wrist, and i squeezed it hard as i pulled her close to me. she now stood almost chest to chest with me as i looked down at her. she swallowed as she looked up at me, though she kept a harsh gaze.

"honestly, i couldn't tell you. you just irk me in the absolute, worst ways possible," i muttered. i squeezed her wrist harder. "now, the next time you lay your hands on me, you best be ready to fight; trust me, i won't hesitate to beat your ass."

i suddenly noticed how close we were. i could just barely feel her small exhales on my face. i stopped breathing for a moment. my eyes briefly glanced down at her lips before they quickly flitted back to her eyes.

i brought my free hand up to pull my cigarette out of my mouth. as i did, i pushed saylor back while still holding her wrist. i then let it go as i took a step back. she lifted her hand to rub at her wrist that i was holding.

"maybe if you would quit being annoying, we would get along."

"you're a childish fucking prick. i hope you know that," she spat.

"mm, i've been called worse. if you're gonna insult me, at least make it hurt," i mumbled as i walked to the door to the stairs.

before i entered the stairwell, i heard saylor mutter "asshole." i sighed as i pushed my free hand into my jacket pocket and walked down the stairs.

•

a/n ayooo

thoughts?

any predictions?

words:
1140