SHATTERED

seventy-two

saylor

the next morning, i woke up to any empty bed. i glanced around my room, and i didn't see any sign of alex. i sighed deeply as i ran my hands down my face.

surely they wouldn't just leave without saying something after what happened last night... they've told me before that they're working on not leaving, or at least telling me before they leave.

i got out of bed after a few moments, and i made my way to the bathroom to do my morning routine. as i was brushing through my hair, i looked at the mirror. i could see a hickey that alex had left last night, where my neck meets my shoulder. there were a handful more on my upper, inner thighs that i had noticed when i was getting my shower last night.

after i was done in the bathroom, i made my way out into the living room, but i paused in the doorway between my room and the living room. i saw alex at the front door. they were thanking what seemed to be a doordash worker. that was confirmed when they stepped back inside holding a bag of food and a tray that had two cups.

they paused for a second as they turned around and saw me. they slowly shut the door behind their self. "good morning," they greeted softly.

i echoed them, just as softly, as i stepped towards them. they walked over to the kitchen counter, where they set the bag of food and the drinks on the counter. they looked towards me. "how did you sleep?"

"really good, actually," i murmured. "you?"

"yeah, me too," they gave a nod. they gestured toward the food. "i got us some food; i was just about to go and wake you up."

"thank you," i gave a soft smile.

we both took a seat at the counter as alex pulled the food out of the bag. they set my food in front of me, and their food in front of their self. they did the same with our drinks. as we sat there in silence, i couldn't help but notice the slight awkwardness in the air.

i glanced over at alex. they had barely even ate any of their food, and they had this look on their face that i couldn't read. i thought back to last night, when they had given me the same look.

i pulled alex in for a kiss as my breathing somewhat evened out. my hand was holding the back of their head to pull them closer, as they placed their hand beside me, on the mattress, to support their self.

when they pulled back, they looked at me with an unreadable look. they swallowed as they held eye contact. my brows furrowed briefly.

they lifted a hand, and they combed my hair back and out of my face. their chest heaved ever so slightly. "you good, angel?" they finally spoke, though they had asked softly.

i gave a small nod. "i'm great," i answered.

they leaned down, and they pressed their lips to my forehead momentarily. it caught me off guard, because i don't think they've ever given me a forehead kiss. "why don't you get a shower, yeah? then we can sleep... or whatever you want," they told me. there was a tone in their voice that wasn't exactly shyness or nervousness, but something along the lines of that.

i pursed my lips as i stared at alex for a few seconds. i hesitated. "are you... are you okay?"

their body went rigid, but they didn't even look over at me. they were silent for a handful of moments. "i'm sorry," they apologized abruptly and out of nowhere.

immediately, my brows knitted together tightly. "huh? sorry for what?" i asked, confusion written across my face and in my tone.

"for when you first joined the band and all the months after, when i was just a bitch to you for no reason," they explained somberly. they still didn't look at me.

my face softened a bit. "oh. it's okay, really; i've moved past it, and you've changed," i waved it off.

"okay?!" they turned to look at me as if i said the most absurd thing ever. "that shit was not okay."

my face scrunched at their tone, as well as my choice of words. "i mean, it's not okay, but it's fine..? seriously, like i said, i've moved past it, and you've changed. it's in the past, and it doesn't bother me anymore."

they grimaced as i said anymore. "but it did. i mean, seriously, saylor, i was a complete ass to you! you didn't deserve that shit. hell, you were still nice to me, and you took care of me when i was drunk and shit. who does that?!" they threw their hand up. they almost looked pained at the idea that i was still nice to them when they weren't the nicest to me.

"everybody deserves a second chance," i said softly.

"a second chance, sure, but how many chances did you give me? countless," they pointed out.

i stared at them, helplessly. i didn't know where this was coming from all of a sudden, or why they were being so harsh in their tone. "not countless. even still, if i wouldn't have, we wouldn't be where we are today. you've changed since then; you're not the same person you were a year ago."

"quit making excuses for me!" they snapped. "god, i don't understand you. shouldn't you resent me for that? you don't hate me?"

my face dropped. "what? of course, i don't hate you, alex. i don't think i could if i tried. i'm not gonna sit here and hold a grudge against you for all of that, because i know that you're better than that. i forgave you a long time ago."

"look, why don't you calm down, and we can talk this all out, okay?" i spoke softly as i tried to reach out and cup their face.

they jerked back before i could cup their face. they stood up, and they shook their head. "yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't have," they muttered, in response to me saying that i had forgiven them. they shoved their hands into the pockets of their gray sweatpants and swiftly walked out of my apartment.

what the fuck just happened?

•

a/n ayooo

thoughts?

any predictions?

words:
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