SHATTERED

thirty-eight

alex

i hummed lowly and scrunched my face up as i woke up to the sound of my alarm going off. i lifted my hand to rub at my eyes... only to be smacked in the face.

"fucking hell," i grumbled. i tried to rub my eyes again; i was successful this time. when i blinked my eyes open, my eyes immediately landed on saylor. she was cuddled into my side. her leg was draped over my waist. my arm was kind of wrapped around her.

my eyes widened in shock, and i started to move away. "what the fuck?!"

in my attempt to move away from her, i fell off of the bed. i groaned as i hit the floor with a loud thud. "god fucking damn it," i cussed.

as i laid on the ground, my alarm on my phone continued to blare loudly. "shut the fuck up," i grumbled as i blindly reached up and around for my phone. once i grabbed it, i swiftly turned the alarm off.

what a lovely start to the morning.

i stood up, and i ran their hands through my hair. i didn't even look at saylor as i walked over to my suitcase. while i did, saylor walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

once i reached my suitcase, i picked it up, and i sat it on one of the beds. i looked through it, and i grabbed a hoodie and a pair of shorts from it. i quickly slipped them both on. after i did, i gathered my charger and my airpods. i put my charger into my suitcase, then zipped it up. i put my airpods in my ears and connected them to my phone as i started to play one of my playlists. i then grabbed my elf bar, and i took a hit as i started to bring my suitcase out of the room and down to the tour bus.

once i got to the tour bus, i put my suitcase away. i briefly greeted miguel, who was also getting on the tour bus right now. i then went up to the second level of the bus. i walked over to the bunks, and i let out a deep sigh as i got into my bunk. i completely closed the curtain.

these bunks are so cramped. i bet the other three have no problem with them though; short asses.

i moved around for a few moments to get as comfortable as i could. once i did, i just laid there as i thought back to last night.

i can't believe i actually let saylor lay on my chest and cuddle me like that... not only that, but she also held my hand— well, my index finger, but still.

i haven't cuddled with someone like that in years. the last time i did, i was seventeen. i haven't allowed myself to; not after her.

i forgot how nice it can be though. i felt so comfortable last night with saylor curled into my side. even for the brief moment this morning, before i panicked, it felt nice. by then, her leg was draped across my waist, and her head was laying on my shoulder.

now that i'm thinking about it... last night, i slept the best that i have in a while. i usually do sleep pretty well after i smoke, but last night was different. i slept like a baby last night.

did cuddling with saylor really make that much of a difference?! i don't believe it.

also, now that i think about it, i kinda feel bad for reacting the way i did this morning. i completely panicked and then didn't even say anything to saylor. from the glance of her that i'd seen, she looked freaked out; not from the fact that we were cuddling, but from my reaction.

why do i feel bad about that?

i laid on my stomach, and i buried my face into my pillow with an almost inaudible groan. i then repeatedly hit my face against my pillow a few times. after, i just laid with my face buried into my pillow. as much as i wanted to, i couldn't fall back asleep.