SHATTERED

thirty-four

alex

i looked down as i picked at my nails. i was currently sitting in the lounge area of the tour bus, on the second level. jessie, miguel, and saylor were all still asleep.

saylor.

i thought back to last night, after the show. i had planned to just smoke alone, but then saylor had stopped by the doorway. i was going to just tell her to go away, but then... i don't know.

she said she's never smoked before. how could she be twenty-seven years old, yet has never smoked a little bit of weed?

for it to be her first time smoking, she honestly didn't do half bad. she handled it pretty well. she said she would never smoke again, but i don't think that'll be the case.

my leg bounced a bit anxiously as my thoughts trailed further past when i let her in the room to smoke. i pulled my knee to my chest.

we continued to pass the joint back and forth. saylor only took two more hits before she declined anymore. i shrugged it off, settled into the corner of the couch, pulled a knee up to my chest, and smoked the rest of the joint. as i smoked the rest of the joint, saylor watched me. her jaw was slightly dropped as she did. her eyelids were drooping more and more as time passed. i kept my eyes on her's and kept my facial expression neutral.

when i finished the joint, i crossed my arms over my chest. i raised a brow. "so, how do you feel?"

"my mouth is really dry," she mumbled with a slight frown.

"cotton mouth," i laughed under their breath. i reached forward, and i grabbed an unopened water bottle. i opened it, then handed it to her. "here."

she took the water bottle from me, and she quickly downed it. she rubbed at her head after she finished drinking it. "everything feels so slow."

"yeah, that's kinda the whole point," i told her as i wrapped my arm behind the couch. "you're feeling okay though, right, saylor?"

"just dandy," she nodded. she leaned my head against the back of the couch and my arm.

i could feel my brows furrow as i looked at her. i looked between her and my arm a few times. i met her eyes, and my brows knitted together even more. her eyes were barely open by now, and she had this stupid, happy, sleepy smile played on her lips. she was looking at me intently, like she would listen to anything i had to say. some of her hair had fallen into her face, but she made no attempt to move it out of her way. she looked so...

pretty.

i opened my mouth slightly. i started to say something, but i stopped. my eyes scanned her face for a few, long moments.

what the fuck was i thinking?

my jaw clenched. i abruptly stood up and moved my arm. saylor's head fell onto the couch with a barely audible thud. i shoved my hands into my pockets, and i avoided looking at her. i started to walk out of the room. as i was, i saw jessie walking by.

"get saylor to the bus," i muttered as i pushed past jj.

i rubbed at my face as i sprawled my legs onto the couch. i held my face in my hand.

seriously, what the fuck was i thinking?

this isn't like that time i fell asleep and laid my head in her lap. i was asleep when that happened. this? i was awake, and i was getting close to her, and i was feeling something.