SHATTERED

fifty-two

saylor

five days after our first rehearsal from finishing tour, it's my birthday.

i'm twenty-eight now... gross.

i haven't talked to alex since rehearsal, when i tied their shoe for them. i haven't tried to since then, and they haven't tried to talk to me either.

considering how the conversation we had the day before rehearsal went, i'm not quite sure i want to talk to them. i mean, seriously, who do they think they are, trying to kiss me again as if they didn't just ghost me for a week.

i slapped them when they kissed me, and i don't feel bad about it at all. they deserved that one.

while i was there, i was quick to notice that they were completely wasted. when they kissed me, i could taste the alcohol on their breath. their entire apartment reeked of weed, as well.

that doesn't give them an excuse though. having problems (whatever alex's problems are) does not give you an excuse to hurt other people.

"thank you, mom," i spoke into my phone, which i was holding against my ear. she, along with my dad, had called to sing me happy birthday. i can't recall a single birthday that they didn't make it a point to sing happy birthday to me.

"you're welcome, sweetie," she murmured. "i miss you; i wish you could've been here today."

"i miss you too. i haven't been home for my birthday in a few years now, though," i gave a small laugh. i took a seat on my couch. "you should be used to it by now," i teased.

she let out a sigh. "yeah, but you're my baby, saylor," she started.

"mom, come on, i'm—"

"i don't care how old you are! you'll always be my baby," she cut me off. "my little girl. even if you eventually get married and have kids of your own, you'll be my baby."

"alright," i chuckled. "always."

i talked to her and dad for a bit longer. we eventually ended the call. i set my phone down on the couch with a small sigh. i don't really have anything planned for today, except i'm going out for dinner with jessie and miguel. alex was invited, but i highly doubt they'll show up.

the dinner isn't for another few hours. i don't really have anything to do until then, except sit here and think. like all of my birthdays for the past fifteen years, my mind couldn't help but to wonder to arlo.

arlo always made the biggest deal out of my birthday. i remember he would always wake me up with my favorite breakfast foods. he would cook all of my favorite foods, even if i couldn't eat all of it; he wanted me to be able to choose between them all, depending on what i wanted that morning.

he would always make me a paper crown. he would make a new one every year, and i'd love each one more than the last. i never wanted to take them off once he gave them to me.

he then would take me out to see whatever movie i wanted. after, he would take me out for lunch. we would end the day with going home to mom and dad, who would get me a cake while we were out.

god, i miss arlo. there's not a day that goes by where i don't think about him; wondering where he's at or if he's even alive.

i let out a deep sigh. i grabbed my phone, and i stood up. i needed to get my mind off of him. i don't want to ruin today for myself. i found my speaker, and i connected my phone to it to start tidying up my apartment.

•

"happy birthday, pookie," jessie grinned as she ran over and crashed into my arms. miguel was following in their footsteps, but he was walking instead of running.