Duty of Love

Chapter 33

Meera's POV

" Papa...." Devu screamed as she heard the door bell.

She was jumping with excitement by the time I opened the door for Deva.

The kids didn't wait for him to settle down before they jumped upon him.

Deva was also not the one to take a step back, he too started laughing and playing with the kids the minute he walked through the door.

" Okay, party over.... Anshu , Devu ... you both have homework....Complete it then play, by that time your father will also freshen up and come"

The kids raced off to finish their homework and I turned to see Deva staring at me with a gentle smile on his face.

He came and whispered in my ears,

" Thank you"

Then with the same smile, he went off to our room leaving me completely confused.

I am not able to put my finger on it but Deva was being different today

Different in the way he talked
Different in the way he looked
Different in the way he smiled

Maybe I am the one going crazy.

" Coffee"

I looked up to see Deva holding two cups of coffee

"Kids dozed off as soon as they hit the beds" Deva replied to my silent query

"Yes, you have really exhausted them"

" Me...it is the other way round. They are the most energetic 4 year old i have seen. I am no match to them . Become old"

" You are not old. You are in much better shape that the youngsters nowadays" I said in a flow and I literally bit my tongue on realizing what I said.

I could feel his strong gaze on me but was feeling really embarrassed to even look at him.

" Meera... Meera " he called out but still I kept my gaze down

" Please look at me " I was shook by his pleading voice and looked into his eyes.

Before I could turn away, he caught my chin in his right hand and made sure that I was still looking into his eyes

" Meera, you have no idea what your words just now meant to me. In all these times we were together, I didn't allow myself to look at you but now I want to. I want to learn about Meera. Who is she? What is she? Her dreams, her fears... everything. Will you help me, Meera?"

" What do you mean? I am not understanding what you are proposing. I am with you, always have been . So...." I trailed off baffled by his request

" Yes, you have been with me but that time I was not with you. Now even though I am with you, you are not completely with me" Deva explained

Before I could protest he continued,
"Don't take me wrong. You are fully entitled to that and I don't have the right to question but still I want to ask you something which will decide the future of our relationship "

My heart began beating so loud and fast that I was sure Deva could hear it.

A feeling of dread was developing in the pit of my stomach and I could sense a wave of panic coming over me.

" Do you want us to work, Meera? Do you want this marriage?"

I was momentarily stunned. It was like an anticlimax.

The earlier dread changed to anger

" What! This is what you want to ask. I have already agreed to start afresh so what is this question"

Seeing the change in me , Deva kneeled in front of me and held my both hands in his. Looking deeply into my eyes, he said, " Meera, I too want us to work. I want to get past all the hurt that I...no we have given you. But how much we try, I realized one thing , we alone may not be able to overcome that. "

Throughout his speech , my heart was in my mouth. It was like I was waiting for the other slipper to fall.

" I want us to go for counseling " he said with trepidation and looked to me for my reaction

I stood up jerking away his hands

" Meera..." Deva started

" Don't Meera me. I am not going for divorce but are you? " the question was loaded with my anger, fear and insecurities .

He came up to me and held my shoulders. He lifted my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.

" No, never" he denied fervently

" Then why....counseling..." I was not able to string together words

"Like Saahil said , counseling is not just for people getting divorce. It is also for those who have lost their way and need a guide to find a way to each other. In our case, I am lost,Meera. I don't know how to take away your hurt"

"But...." I was still hesitant

" Meera, we will go only and only if you are comfortable. I know it is not easy to open up to a stranger but will you be willing to try , for US."

I moved to sit on the couch . I didn't know what to answer him. I have always heard that people who go their separate ways go for counseling. But Deva is sure that he wants this marriage . So should I agree or not , thats the big question.

I looked at Deva to see him looking at me with hope in his eyes.

Will it be a bad thing? If as Deva says, if that person is able to help me with my pain , then it will only be good for us, right?

" But if I am not able to talk about..." I was interrupted by Deva

" Meera, if at any point you are uncomfortable, we will stop then and there. I have already told you, YOU and ONLY YOU are my priority"

Taking a deep breathe , I finally nodded my agreement .

Deva was so happy which was evident by his wide smile

" Thank you.... Thank you ...so much" Deva gushed and in his excitement hugged me tightly.

I froze for a moment. Suddenly, realizing our position , Deva released me,

" Sorry , if I made you uncomfortable but thank you Meera. You have no idea what your agreement means to me" his smile never once fading from his face

In my mind and heart , I was preparing myself for this new uncharted journey.