Duty of Love

Chapter 35

Meera's POV

After our initial introductions, she sent Deva out and asked to talk to me alone. At first, I was nervous but Deva made sure that I was good with it before accepting her request.

For the past 15 minutes, I am just staring down at the carpet. She has asked me to explain my side but where to start? That was the question  roaming in my head.

" Beginning  is the best place to start"  I jerked my head to look at Dr. Gupta .

" I have been doing this for a long time" she said as a means of an explanation

Even though she made me feel comfortable,  I was still in two minds to share our problems to a complete stranger.

" You know, we are brought up in a society where it is taught that whatever problems in a family should be solved within its four walls. We think about others judging us therefore we hide our issues behind a smile but that's where we go wrong. Sometimes we hide for too long that we get lost in ourselves"  She had an understanding smile on her face throughout her speech

" But I believe in your case,  you have already done half the work" she continued

I looked at her confused

" I have seen lot of couples, but this is the first time I have seen one entering my office hand in hand. That itself showed your solidarity. I am sure we will be able to work out your problems. But for that I NEED YOU TO SPEAK "

" He explained to you , right" I asked softly

" Yes, he did. But I need to hear your version"

" I always craved to be loved and belong to a family. When I got married, I thought I finally got my own family. But it took me a while to realize that I was never part of theirs. I didn't know why they never accepted me. I tried... I tried a lot but I wa..s not able to cr..oss that...that... invisible  line separ...ating us. Finally, I accep...ted it as my fate"  I started stuttering  at the end

My eyes automatically  welled up as my past flashed before my eyes. I looked up to see her staring at me intently.

"I will nev..er say they ill treated me, they took care of all my comforts and he was car...ing too...." I rushed to explain " This was all a big misunderstanding.... but it left me feeling ...."

" What ?"

" Like...Like..." I was not able to grasp on that one word which could explain my innermost feeling. Finally I said,

" Empty"

I could see the victorious smile on her face as she was expecting me to realize the same

" Dr... I know it may take time but I want to get past this hurt so that I could give my kids a family"

" What do YOU want?"

Seeing the perplexed look on my face, she just chuckled

" 7 out of 10 women who come here do this for their kids but I want to ask you. If you are not happy, will you be able to keep them happy. You may pretend to be happy. But kids are more attuned to situations than we think. "

She gave me a moment to think this through before continuing,

" Do you want this to work for you or the kids? Be honest with yourselves. "

I was about to reply when she stopped me.

" No , take a day to think this through and let me know. I know you want this family and you are ready to work for this. But I need to know whether you are ready to work by keeping YOU FIRST. "

I just stared at her as I was not able to find a single response to her question.

" Meera, I can call you Meera , right? "

I simply nodded

" So Meera, consider this as your first assignment. We will meet soon."

As I got up to leave, her next words stopped me in my tracks

" Even if you were not physically abused, you were emotionally  abused and an abuse is an abuse" she said matter of factly

Before I could retort, she continued,
" Whatever justification they have , it was wrong to you" she stopped and looked at me with a sober face

"Only when you realize your rights and needs, we will be able to move forward. Think it through"

By the time I left her office , my mind was more jumbled than it was before I went in.