Sunshine in the Rain

26. Club

"JJ!! HE'S FUCKING DEAD!!! I'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!" I'm yelling at JJ in the kitchen of my house and I'm crying. JJ is trying to comfort me but I start pushing him away.

I don't talk to anyone for the next few days. I stay locked in my room and I don't eat much. Maybe 2 bags of chips and water but that's it.

I cry and cry and cry in my room. I don't let anyone in. Not JJ, not Kie, not even Pope. I push everyone away.

There's a knock on the door. "Hey Ash." Kie says. "Cmon. Eat something." She says. "I know you miss John B. We all do. But please don't keep starving yourself." I sniffle and don't talk. Kie sighs. "We have the first day of school tomorrow. I hope you go. You know John B would've wanted you to go." Kie walks away.

I've always thought that if I ever go through a hard time, my friends will always be with me. I thought it would bring us closer. But apparently I just push them away. JB was my only sense of hope. Hope that my dad was alive, hope of anything. He's gone now. So there's no hope left.

When Kie and Pope leave, I decide that I'll go outside. I have to do something other than cry about my brother. Is that what he would want me to do? Cry? No. JB would want me to push through.

I get on my bike and ride to the country club for a job. JJ works there so maybe he can give me a sense of calmness or reality for once. At least I have JJ.

I ride to the country club and notice that JJ's bike isn't there. He probably got fired.

I walk inside and ask to apply for a job.

"Hey, can I get a job here?" I ask.

"Yeah sure. We were actually about to look for a new employee." The guy says. "Name and age please."

"Ashlyn Routledge. 17 years old." I say. The guy gives me a look. "Yes, my brother was John B. Now can I get this job or not?" I ask. The guy nods his head and hands me a uniform.

I go into the bathroom and get changed into the shirt and pants of the club. I shove my other clothes into my bag and start serving drinks.

I work for about an hour and then I see Topper's table. I walk past.

"I'm glad he's dead actually." A girl says. "John B was a huge idiot."

"Yeah. I doubt he cared about Sarah or anyone." Another girl says. I walk past and try to ignore it. Then I keep hearing more chatter about my brother and my heartbeat increases.

"Just shut up!!" I scream. "My brother, my twin, John B, is not a fucking murderer!!" I yell. I grab a glass and snatch it onto the ground. "It was Rafe Cameron!" I yell. "Fuck you all!!" I scream. I look over and see the guy who hired me.

"You're fired." He says.

"Good. This job sucked anyway." I say. I grab Toppers drink and spill it all over him. Then I walk out and start panicking. John B is dead. My brother is dead and everyone is happy about it.

I go ride my bike back to my house and I see JJ sitting on the front porch. Tears stain my face from the ride home.

JJ looks up at me and he looks excited to see me. "Holy shit." He says. He hugs me and I start crying into his shoulder.

"I-I'm sorry." I say. I keep crying into his shoulder.

JJ has his hand on the back of my head and he kisses the top of my head. "It's okay princess." He says. My arms are wrapped around him and his arms are wrapped around me as I take in his scent. "Nice shirt." He says. He chuckles. I laugh a little.

We both walk inside and I get changed into one of John B's old hoodies and a pair of my jean shorts.

I walk back out into the living room and I lay on the couch with JJ.

"Are you ready to talk about anything?" JJ asks. "How you're feeling? What that dream was about?" He asks.

I shake my head no. "I just want to relax with you." I say.

"Okay that's fine. The other day Kiara was massaging my back and I asked her to show me how to. I was wondering if I could try on you?" He asks.

I shrug. "Sure." I say. I lay stomach down onto the couch and JJ pulls the back of the hoodie up so his hands are on my bare back.

"Does that feel okay?" He asks.

"Yeah." I say. The massage is relaxing so I lay there for a while. JJ keeps massaging my back until the others get home.