Evermore

𝑵𝒊𝒏𝒆

I wake up before Natalie for the first time, I'm always asleep longer than her. But...she has been through a lot recently so it's normal for her to be tired.

I stay laying against her chest as her arm says wrapped around me. I lay my head back down as I listen to her heart beating.

It was kind of awkward last night..I got angry with her yesterday and said some things—thanks for Charlie he stopped me from saying anything else that I didn't mean....but would have said out of anger.

We had a bath then talked about our wedding music which I loved, there's still like twenty songs that she still has to listen to...

Usually when I come home it's us on top of each other straight away trying to rip each others clothes off because we haven't seen each other in so long but we had an argument before we could do that....

I listen to her steady heart beat, I wish I knew what she felt in her heart. It's weird...but I just wish to know every part of Natalie, even if I've seen it, I want to know her...I know mostly everything but I just never know what's going on in her head..sometimes I can catch on—but not like her, she always seems to know what I'm thinking.

I do know that when my heart beats a little too fast, it's beating for her when she's near. I think my heart always beat a little more when she's around and in the best way possible.

I get off of her, I lift the blanket slowly, she's a light sleeper so I carefully get out of the bed trying my best not to wake her.

I wonder if it will snow this Christmas. It's cold enough to, I got Natalie some things...I got her a really pretty ring, not a proposal one but it was expensive, I've been saving all year on some of my money from my part time job at the diner. I do have to give her the birthday present I got her for her birthday. She told me not to get her anything but I did...

Well, I made it, I made this little jar, with different colour sticky notes folded up. Red is for memories, I put my favourite ones in there, green and yellow is reasons why I love her—I had to use two colours because there was too many and I got a little lazy but I could have wrote more. Purple is our songs and blue is for when she's feeling a little sad. It's something she will find cringy but she will still read them and deep down she will love it.

Oh—also for Christmas, I got her a few books...just ones I think she would like, I of course annotated most of them for her. I made her a little pamper box too, just for when she's stressed with work—I made it back in my dorm..so maybe for when she's just stressed. I got her other things too...

I have to get Charlie's guitar in the next couple of days, he's been talking about getting one but I convinced him to hold off on it...only so I could get it...again I've been saving basically all year for these presents...including Janes, Becks and some other people.

I did have to take some extra shifts at work so I could afford some things but it's fine, I also got Charlie crocs since he won't stop talking about getting them but never does and a grill cheese maker because he's obsessed with grilled cheeses.

If Natalie found out I was taking extra shifts and saving all year for presents, she would kill me. She already sends me money often, I'll wake up some mornings and she's sent me money with a message reminding me to have breakfast and a coffee. If I send the money back she will give out about it saying she's just helping out...I need it of course but I don't want it, it makes me feel bad but Natalie loves to give give give. It's her thing, she loves to spend money on me and it makes me frustrated with her at times because she will buy something if I brought it up once. 

I open the closet, stepping inside, it's a walk in closet, not a big one, you can take about two steps. I have my own space in here.

I grab some things I need from my side before grabbing one of Natalie's oversized hoodies, Natalie loves oversized hoodies, so do I. I got her some for Christmas but I'm obviously going to borrow them.