NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

33

Manik

I nodded my head and kissed her forehead. We are together in this maa. I thought to myself as she asked me to go rest and she’ll prepare dinner. I thought she needed time too so I just nodded my head before leaving for the indoor gym in the house.

After half an hour or so, even Dhruv joined me. He told me he asked Piyush to take care of Madhyam and I thanked him as it completely slipped out of my mind.

“What are we going to do about Bhabhi?” He asked and I stared at him. Even though Nandini wasn’t comfortable with me at our pre-wedding shoot time and all, she developed a sibling bond with Dhruv and I’m so glad he was there with us. Made things less awkward.

“I don’t know if she wants to go to the therapy Dhruv. She didn’t tell her own brother about what she was going through and I’m not sure if therapy works. So I think I’d just let her do what she wishes for a while until she gets comfortable enough to share anything she feels. All she needs is comfort I guess” I said to him honestly.

He just nodded his head and I frowned at him. I raised my eyebrows as I started walking on the treadmill while he started punching a punching bag.

“Bhabhi reminds me of her. I don’t know why” Dhruv said, making me still. I know Dhruv. I do.

“I think their personality or past or the innocence they emit are really the same” I admitted and he nodded his head.

“I miss her,” He said, as he stopped working out. I don’t know how to respond. It feels like everything happened yesterday. And the guilt is not something that I came out of. It kills me everyday. I stopped working out too.

“Are you going to tell Bhabhi about her?” Dhruv asked.

“I don’t know but I don’t have any wish to do that” I said.

“She deserves to know Manik,” he replied.

“She deserves to know the truth, not the pain that comes with it. What if she hates me?” I asked and he looked at me with wide eyes.

“You are still not free of guilt. Are you?” He asked and I shook my head.

“Manik, that's not your fault. You can’t blame yourself for it” He said, panic visible in his eyes.

“Her last text says otherwise” I murmured.

“Last time Manik, you were not at fault, and we don’t know if it was sent by her,” Dhruv said.

“I quit” I growled as I walked out of the gym to our bedroom. Maybe looking at Nandini for a few moments can calm me down. I could hear Dhruv calling me but I didn’t turn back.

I feel like I don’t have an appetite for dinner now. I know what my parents and Dhruv are going to bring up at the dining table tonight.

I opened the door to find the bed empty that instantly raised panic inside my heart. The duvet was crumpled.

Did she have any nightmares again? I looked around the room and it looked completely untouched. Even the dressing table looked clean.

“Nandini?” I called out, my voice sounded foreign to me as I wiped the sweat on my forehead.

“Balcony Manik” Her voice brought me back to life. I breathed a few times trying to calm the panic that filled my chest and walked to the balcony.

I slided the sliding door and looked to find Nandini sitting on a single sofa in her night suit with a fluffy shawl and laptop in front of the table as she was facing the scenery outside.

Her side was facing towards me and she looked divine in the moonlight and the small sparkling lights in the balcony and she had a golden lamp right in front of her.

Her hair was in a messy bun with a few strands falling over her face and a pen behind her ear, a pair of spectacles over her head. And I captured that moment forever in my heart.

She turned her head towards me and a small smile on her face. It calmed the erratic beats of my heart.

“Are you okay?” She asked, like it was a peaceful day and it was our daily thing.

“Are you?” I asked her. Her expressions changed for a millisecond before she nodded her head and continued writing after gesturing to me to sit in front of her.

I went and sat opposite to her as she continued typing furiously as if it was the whole world for her. I slid the mobile out of my pocket and unlocked it before taking a picture of her quietly.

The shutter sound made me bite my tongue as her cheeks turned red but she acted like she didn’t hear the sound. I controlled my laugh at her cute expression as she tried not to pout. I shook my head as a memory flashed in my head.

She frowned for a second and looked at me, raising her eyebrows. I shook my head but she narrowed her eyes. My little detective.

“Could you take my clothes from my wardrobe? I need to have a shower. I am just back from gym” I told her head and she was about to say something but she bit her lip and nodded her head before getting up pushing her laptop slightly away and walked inside.

I looked at the stars with a small smile on my face before turning her laptop towards me and the notepad was opened.

Looks like she was writing her stories. And I thought she was preparing for her exams. I was about to keep it in its original position as I wanted to give her privacy and wait until she was done writing and show it by herself when a line caught my attention.

“Don’t open a closed book again,
Don’t greet your old wounds again,
Don’t repeat the same mistakes again,
Don’t mend a broken heart again,
Not now, not ever.”

And it ripped my heart.