NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

37

Manik

I don't honestly know what is running in her head exactly. It felt oddly comforting when she is in my arms at this moment, in my bedroom, oh no, our bedroom with her soft hands wrapped up around me as I cocooned her.

Her midnight black hair was so smooth and I think I'm addicted to them. The day was exhausting with her ex, her parents being so rude and damn it if I'm not tired.

___

The next morning I woke up, Nandini wasn't beside me and it took me a moment to register that there is no sign of her in the room. But hot coffee was right beside me on the nightstand, a sticky note and my clothes for the day were already taken out.

I rubbed my eyes as I woke up and stretched my body before grabbing the sticky note.

"Have a happy morning hubby :)" It was actually so adorable to see but the next lines made me frown.

"Dad gave you rest for the day and I have early classes today so I'm leaving for college. Don't be mad about that and enjoy coffee."

I could feel her smirking even through that note. That little kitten. Ah, but damn me to hell and back if I didn't like it.

I looked at my knuckles and they were cleaned and had new band-aids. My smile stretched a bit more.

She is cute. I thought to myself as I brushed my teeth and had my coffee. Glad she kept it in my thermos.

Indeed a happy morning. I went down after having my coffee to find my mom and dad having their beverages too. I smiled and walked to them and sat beside my mom.

"Can't believe Manik Malhotra woke up late" My dad said sarcastically.

"Of Course when your daughter pulled out the batteries of the alarm" I replied back.

"Remind me to make Nandini's favourite dish for that" Mom grinned. God these both are already siding with her. So bad.

"Remind me not to take you to an NGO" I murmured. "I have a driver, son," Mom said, making me pout.

"No one loves me," I said dramatically.

"Don't be sure of that, you just got married" Mom replied. God no.

"I'm hungry," I said. Mom's typical nature.

"God I'm so sorry I forgot about your breakfast" Mom exclaimed standing up ushering dad to go to the dining room fast as she practically sprinted to the kitchen.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you are going to stop an argument when it's your beloved mother and grumpy father because you disturbed their romance.

I walked behind them and had my breakfast. I walked to my room later after having a small chat with my parents and sat down to check the mails and texts from my assistant and any companies.

Finding a few, I replied to them and went to hit the gym afterwards. Time flew by and I didn't know when it was five in the evening and I found myself worrying about my little wife who didn't text me in the morning.

And it didn't feel weird and awkward at all. It felt like a natural thing to wait for her. And something struck me and I walked to the store room leaving my mobile in the room.

My heartbeat ran as fast as a riding horse and I couldn't find a way to stop it. I was just a few steps away from the store room.

I could feel my hands sweating and shivering not knowing what was lying behind it. I'm not ready for this yet. But I have to do this. For her.

The door opened with a creak sound slowly as I used my sweaty hand to push it open.

It felt like everything was coming back to me. Every moment. Every second I spent with her slowed down my breaths and heartbeats.

I focused on my breathing but it refused to become normal and I didn't have any option than closing the door and walking back to my room. I looked at the small clock that was on the bedside table and it showed six. God it's been an hour that I was standing in front of that store room.

I called Nandini's number and it was switched off. Damn it. I tried to call Dhruv but he didn't pick up my call. I didn't want to call mom or dad so I just tried to find something that could divert me enough from the ghosts of my past and life. From my wife who could never stop keeping me on my toes.

I looked around and tried to point out three colours, three things that are related to each other and three sounds. That was said by my ex-therapist. She said it will help me to calm my breaths.

But I couldn't do anything without keeping my mind and breaths straight. Before I knew it, I started throwing things and breaking them on the floor.

Pillows, bedsheet, alarm clock, glasses, vases, everything I could get my hands on. I could feel the band-aids peeling off and my breaths ragged, but I couldn't stop myself.

I Can't do this anymore. This is like breathing under water, you'll die anyway. Slowly, painfully with too much hurt or because of lack of oxygen. But you can't force yourself to breathe in water where there is no oxygen and you can't stop breathing for too long.

There is no escape. Past always haunts us no matter what. It's like our shadows, living in the dark but never leaving us or leaving us with only darkness. You'll just keep on travelling in loops and suffocation.

I slid down on the ground as the knuckles of both of my hands bled, tired of punching everything because of my anger but they don't hurt anymore.

I leaned my back to the bed when my eyes fell on a diary that was in the bed sheets that I pulled down. I grabbed that diary.

"Nandini Manik Malhotra" that diary read brought a small smile on my face and I could find myself breathing calmly.

And I opened the first page. And my breath struck.