NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

41

Nandini

I got him out of our room and guided him to the guest room that Dhruv asked me to, where Manik usually sleeps after destroying everything in anger and that scared me a bit.

Usually breaks things? I don’t know what that was supposed to mean but I came to the conclusion that Manik has really bad anger issues and I don’t know the reason.

I got our clothes and cleaned my wound when he was just sitting in the guest room and the wound was pretty enough to sting.

Luckily I didn’t step on any glass pieces again and we changed our outfits, when I looked at myself in the mirror with blood filled clothes, it was horrible, so horrible that my head spinned and my breath quickened, took me back to the day where everything just turned darker.

It took me almost twenty minutes to calm myself as I don’t have my anti-depressants here that made me feel like stupid.

Right now, he is laying his head on my lap, not sleeping, just being quiet and not moving while I’m studying for my exams. It was quite a night until now and I don’t want to process anything until my exams are done.

Just give one moment for emotions and they’ll drag you down to the depths of hell and when you are not someone who accepts a less score yet you have a haywire of emotions, trust me you are doomed. So am I.

“Manik, please sleep, you are exhausted” I muttered, running a hand through his hair while holding my notes in another one. I’m not able to concentrate and the alphabets in the book seem to jumble themselves until all I could read was blood, blood and blood.

This is bullshit. I closed my book and kept it aside and stared at him, he was looking at the ceiling, his eyes so blank that for a moment, I felt he doesn’t even know what emotions are.

The knock on the door grabbed my attention.

“Manik, get up, it might be Dhruv, he got you painkillers” I said softly, caressing his cheek. His eyes turned to me before he sat straight, with his back leaning to the headboard as I walked to the door and opened it.

I sighed in relief as I saw Dhruv, it wasn’t maa or papa thankfully.

“Do you want me to get sleeping pills?” Dhruv asked, like he already has them. I shook my head in no and took the medicines before thanking him. He wished me a good night and left.

I closed the door and turned to Manik who was still sitting like a robot. I’m so curious at this moment that I want to know everything but the way he was behaving, letting me see him vulnerable is making me stop, not that I won’t get answers later, I want them anyways.

I walked to bed and handed him a painkiller with water and he took it quietly. He glanced at me, his eyes blood red that I flinched at the redness.

Something stirred in my heart at the way his eyes looked pained and his face filled with hurt. My anger vanished completely, I can’t be angry at him because he was hurt.

I sighed and sat beside him quietly, not speaking anything. The silence wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable, not even unnerving. I’m sure he won’t break things at midnight again so it’s safe to say he is a bit calm.

“Do you want to journal?” I asked him after a few moments passed. He didn’t react and I took it as a no.

“What happened Manik?” I asked hesitantly. I don’t want him to speak at this moment but seeing him go all quiet is quite scary.

My eyes fell on his palm that he was trying to fist which was wounded and I immediately grabbed it. Damn this man. The wound would bleed if he squeezed his palm.

I entwined my fingers with his, that’d prevent him from hurting his hand again. The other thing I realised tonight, he is too scared to hurt me. I don’t know if it is a good thing or bad thing.

“Let’s sleep” I tried again and laid down, still holding his hand in mine. I could feel his eyes on me but I made no move to say anything or do anything.

After a few moments, I felt him slide inside the duvet beside me and I used the remote to turn off the lights and kept a bed light on.

I felt him scoot closer to me until my back touched his chest and my breath hitched as I felt him wrap our entwined hands over me, spooning me from behind.

I closed my eyes with a sigh reminding myself to go to the doctor and therapist tomorrow and ask someone to clean our room until we come back. I need to start making a to-do list tomorrow.

I felt him move a little and stilled in my place, not moving at all. He pressed a kiss to my head that made my eyes tear up and I felt idiotic and emotional.

“Sorry Nandu” He muttered before tightening his hold on me and soon, I felt his breath in a rhythm and soft and I knew he was asleep, but my sleep ran away keeping me awake, to make sure he doesn’t have nightmares.

And I didn’t know when sleep embraced me when I was overthinking everything in the world.

It was around midnight when my sleep broke due to some weird sounds and my eyes fluttered open as I squeezed them shut together before opening them only to hear some whimpering sounds.

My eyes widened as I took the scene in and sat up immediately. Manik was sitting on bed folding his legs, his head in his hands as he kept mumbling something and he was shaking.

It took me a moment to realise what he was mumbling.

“I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to. Leave me alone I beg you please”

Nightmares. No way.

“Manik” I called him, but he didn't respond.

“Manik” I called him a bit loudly and he was still mumbling. I turned on the lights to look at him clearly. He was breathing rapidly and shaking, he was still in the after effects of the nightmare.

Panic attack. What in the name of god?

“Manik look at me” I grabbed his hands and pulled them, shaking him slightly, but no response.

I cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at me, his eyes were opened but he wasn’t seeing.

“You are not alone” I mumbled, pressing a kiss to his head before grabbing my mobile and turning it on. I hope this works.

I turned on some pop song and turned the volume up before keeping it near his ear. It would mess with his nightmare and break his sleep in the least. Slapping would work too but I don't want that. Nightmares are really hard to deal with.

He flinched before blinking his eyes and sucked a sharp breath making me sigh. He shut his eyes tightly for a moment before opening them. His sleep broke.

“You are okay, I’m here” I mumbled before hugging him tightly, his arms were shaking as he hugged me back as tight, resting his head in the hollow of my neck that flipped my stomach.

4:30 A.M.,

The time read on his night stand surprised me. I rubbed his back as I felt him holding his breath, guiding him to take deep breaths.

I kept mumbling that he is okay in his ear until I heard him calm down. I broke the hug and sat beside him as he laid on the bed.

I ran my fingers through his hair and he dozed off in a few minutes. I walked to the washroom and grabbed a hand towel before putting it under the tap and made it wet. Squeezing the excess water, I walked back to the room and wiped the sweat on his forehead before covering him with a duvet and adjusted the A.C. temperature.

Walking back to our room, I did my morning chores after making sure he won’t wake up. I kept a soft song on loop before I came here and that’d make him sleep until I went back.

Definitely Sunday is not going to be a fun day. God, just make sure he is going to be fine.