NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

67

Manik

“Nandini” I said, banging the door with a bit more force. I’d break the door if I have to now. God what the hell am I even doing to her?

And suddenly, I realised I have it’s key card. Shaking my head in disbelief, I took out a specific book, a book my wife published a few months before our marriage on her pen name and opened the middle before taking the card out of it.

Keeping the book back, I showed the card and door unlocked with a soft click, making me sigh.

I saw her laying on the middle of the bed, curled up to herself hugging her knees with the soft quilt I got her covering her. I felt a stab in my heart as I heard her soft sobs, my heart breaking for the only woman I loved.

Grabbing the tray, I went inside and placed it on the nightstand before closing the door  behind me as I already sent the text to Piyush to not disturb us.

“Baby” I called her gently, sitting beside her not to startle her but she flinched and my heart clenched.

“You need to have lunch” I said, removing the duvet from her. She chose a pale blue jumpsuit today, looking like a soft cloud when she was my sunshine.

“I don’t want to” Her voice was muffled as she turned to the other side, ignoring me.

I got up and sat on the other side of the bed, facing her. She shut her eyes tight, like my damn presence hurted her and that clenched my heart a little more if it was possible.

I adjusted myself leaning against the headboard as my hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her to my chest and she let me, willingly. A small relief.

She laid her head on my chest, her hands around my torso as she sobbed silently.

“I hate you but I need you” She muttered, snuggling closer to me.

“I’d rather have you close to me and hate me than love me being away” I muttered, pressing a soft kiss on her hair as I stroked her cheek gently, letting her cry.

I kept her through too much and I don’t expect her to just turn happy, she needs to let it out and I felt like an asshole as each moment passed with her silent tears. She didn't deserve this.

“I’m sorry” I whispered continuously as I peppered kisses on her head and cheeks occasionally.

It was almost half an hour later she stopped crying, her cheeks and nose red and her eyes swollen, her hair messy and she looked like an adorable baby that she is.

Everytime I kiss her head, it reminded me that I'm the reason she is crying right now, and that felt like a stabs to my heart. But I know I deserve this for what I put her through.

“Do you love someone?” Those were the first words she spoke that almost made me choke.

“What the hell?” I asked, looking at her with wide eyes.

“You are being distant, you are being away, I feel like I don’t know you anymore, you don’t even come home early and cuddle with me or talk to me or spend time with me, I wasn’t here more than an hour for every exam I wrote and you were fast enough to push me away so what am I supposed to understand?” She snapped at me loudly and I got a heart attack.

God, it was the biggest punch in my gut. I never thought she’d have these many thoughts, go through insecurities, thoughts of losing me and all with my little avoidance. God I’m so whipped.

“You are my wife and you are beautiful. Why would I go to someone else?” I asked, pulling her onto my lap.

“I’m on my periods Manik, you’ll feel uncomfortable” She muttered, diverting the topic.

“I grew up with a sister Nandini, that’s nothing” I muttered and it took me two seconds more to realise what I just did. Shit.

She looked at me stunned, like she didn’t believe what I was saying.

“Manik” She whispered, like she wanted to confirm if I said it but we both know I did.

Her mobile ran suddenly, saving me from giving her answers for all the questions she was going to do.

“Hey Maa” She said, putting her mobile on speaker as she got off me and sat beside me, putting at least a feet distance between us. I groaned.

“Bacche, have lunch and come home soon, we need to start shopping for your reception and we just have two weeks from now, arrangements, invitations, food, hosts, alot of work is there and I need you, your driver is waiting for you to at the parking” She spoke in a single breath.

“Do you remember you have a son?” I said sarcastically.

“Well no, who are you?” My mother asked, ignoring me. I looked at her stunned. She is still pissed with me.

“I’m sorry” I said guiltily.

“Did he got lunch for you?” My mom asked, ignoring me again.

“Haa maa, he did, I’m eating” She said sweetly, grabbing the food which was her favourite pizza and started chewing.

That’s unhealthy I know but I want to make it up to her. Anything that could make her smile would be hers now.

“Good, have a painkiller if the pain becomes unbearable, I’ll make hot chocolate for you as soon as you come. '' My mother cooed her.

“Aww I love you Ma” Nandini said, a sweet smile playing on her lips.

“I love you more baby, come soon I’m hanging up” My mother and Nandini grinned before hanging up but the moment her eyes fell on me, her smile faltered. Another stab to my heart.

“I got you chocolates and ice cream if you are craving for them” I said, trying to ignore the fact that I stomped on her heart hard.

“Is that why  you could calm my anxiety, nightmares and everything Manik?” She asked. I nodded slowly, knowing she was talking about me having a sister.

“Don’t ask anything now Nandini, please” I pleaded, my head filling with my baby princess’ memories.

“I need answers tonight Manik, I need to know, we both need to heal” She said, her eyes softening for a moment.

“But you are really sleeping outside the house if you don’t come home, I’ll leave to Mukti’s place tomorrow if you don’t come home and answer my questions” She snapped, her mood swings giving me whiplashes.