NEVER IN A FOREVER (Manan)

39

Nandini

I held him tight, waited for a moment, two, three, fou- and his hands slowly wrapped up around me as he hugged me back tighter.

I ran my hand through his hair slowly and tried not to shiver at the close proximity. He nuzzled face in my neck and I didn’t know what to do when I felt him shaking, not out of anger, but his tears were flowing down.

“Manik, calm down. Please, everything is going to be okay” I mumbled and I don’t know why, even my eyes teared up at his pain, as if my heart was crying at his pain.

I don't know what happened to him, what happened with him, but I’m determined to help him find a way out of this and give him some peace.

He just held me tight, not paying any heed to my words as he cried in my arms. This is really heartbreaking, to see the man who was my shoulder yesterday and held me when I was okay breaking down in my arms today.

And this is the first time I felt him this close to my heart and soul, maybe because he is crying because everyone in their heads has a stereotype that men don’t cry which is of course wrong.

Men do cry, they are humans and they go through emotions that they don’t know how to deal with, sometimes they get angry and sometimes they cry.

I rubbed his back slowly trying to calm him down and I don’t know if it was working or not. I could feel my back getting wet. Oh shit- his blood.

“Manik” I gasped and tried to break the hug and he held me tighter than before that made me sigh.

“Manik, please, just for a few minutes, I’m not leaving you. Let me just bandage your wounds. Let me heal you” My voice broke at the end and I don’t know why I’m getting emotional seeing him cry.

He let me break the hug after a few minutes and the first thing I did was to search for the first aid kit and gladly that was near the sofa, on the ground, he might have even grabbed the things from the night drawer to throw in his anger.

I kept the kit on the bed and tried to clear the space before him without getting hurt as my feet were already hurting badly and he needed to get treated first. All of a sudden, he grabbed my arm and pulled me on to him, making me fall on his lap.

I gasped at the sudden moment before I realised he wanted me to sit. I sat on his lap [like a baby] and he kept his wounded hand on my lap and handed me the kit with another hand.

I tried to keep my calm as I grabbed the first aid kit. I could feel my anger rising at the way he was wounded, it felt like he did it wantedly, to punish himself but the most important thing is to heal his wounds, not my anger at this time.

I took a deep breath before opening the kit and cleaned the blood with cotton and antiseptic. I hissed when I could see how nasty the wound was but my darling sweetheart husband didn’t even blink. How sweet of him. [note the sarcasm]

Calm down Nandini, it’s not the time to get angry with him. Treat him first, calm him down and make him eat something and then get angry.

Treat him, treat him. I mumbled to myself as I applied the antiseptic cream, glad that tomorrow is sunday, I’m taking him to the hospital.

A glass piece was stuck in the middle of his palm that really looked bad and I don’t know how long it’s going to take to heal.

I kept the cotton on it for now as I don’t know how to stitch the wounds and we didn’t have required equipment but most of all, I’M NOT A GOD DAMN DOCTOR.

After knowing that husband is Manik Malhotra, I should have changed my subjects to doctor ones. My subconscious agreed.

Hit someone, Manik gets hurt. Break things, Manik gets hurt. Hurt yourself, then also Manik will be the person who gets hurt. Aiyappa. Calm the heck down Nandini please. You don’t need to make a fight now.

I wrapped the bandage carefully and tied it. Glad I went to scout camp orelse it would have been embarrassing if I didn't know how to tie a bandage.

I closed the box and kept it back on the bed and was about to get up when I felt him wrap his hands around me holding me in place. But I was too furious at that time. It’s okay to break things but this bad, to an extent that he needs stitches? I don’t know if his feet were hurt or had glass pieces in them too.

“Manik, let me go” I said, trying to remove his hands from me.

“No,” He replied.

“Manik” I warned him.

“You promised not to leave me” His voice was barely a whisper and it didn’t feel like he was talking to me at that time, like he was talking to someone else.

I didn’t know what was more heartbreaking, that my husband was crying or that he was thinking about someone else.

But I felt immature to think like that when he was not okay so I stopped wriggling out.

He nested his face in my neck again but I didn’t know what to do. My mind was numb for I don’t know what reason.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled, his voice cracking. My palm reached his cheek and caressed it softly, trying to ignore the stab I was feeling.

“It’s okay” I said calmly and I was myself surprised at how calm I sounded.

“I’m sorry Nandini” He repeated again and I just tilted my head a bit and raised myself and kissed his forehead in reply.