Who You Love (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfiction)

Chapter Eleven: Superbowl XLIX

This was it. This was the defining moment, a moment that would be written in history.

The Super Bowl. The most watched event of the year, where thousands upon thousands of people gathered under one stadium, and millions more in America and across the globe watched live. It was terrifying to think nearly the entire world would be watching. I had worked nearly my whole life to be able to experience something as magical as this, though it never occurred to me that playing this kind of event could even be a possibility for someone like me.

I had spent the past month working my absolute ass off for today, and I knew that if I believed in myself as much as I knew I could, I could rewrite history.

"Nothing is impossible," I said to myself in the mirror, my reflection smiling back at me. It had been an exhausting past four weeks, and under all the adrenaline and pre-Super Bowl hype, I was completely exhausted. I had rehearsals from around 7am until 9pm every single day and trying to go into the studio every free chance I was given, though I wasn't spared many.

I had gotten barely any sleep, and I could see that the bags under my eyes had become more and more noticeable, but luckily, Todd could cover them with concealer. It actually shocked me at how shit I could be feeling yet my appearance could tell the world something completely different. Which, I thought, was a modern miracle, especially considering the amount of paparazzi I had to deal with on a daily basis.

I'd never felt more emotionally prepared for an event in all of my life, not even my debut performance on the Today Show back in 2008, which I had been working towards for years, could compare to how ready I was in this very moment.

I took the time while I was sitting at my dressing room table, staring into the mirror fixing my lipstick, to reflect on my career so far. It still, nearly eight years later, felt like a dream. I was incredibly blessed to live the kind of life that I do, and I constantly reminded myself of that. I knew, that under all of the glittery costumes and the makeup, that I was still just Katheryn Hudson, and that would never change, though in my pre-fame days I thought it would. I thought that as soon fame hit, I'd no longer have to worry about anything anymore, I'd no longer have to live a life facing hardship, and that everything would be handed to you on a gold-plated, diamond encrusted platter. Which it definitely, was not.

Life dealing with fame was incredibly hard, and I found that to be my biggest challenge yet. I never seemed to learn that no matter what you do, not everyone is going to agree. I was still incredibly self-conscious, even with magazines, fans, media, family, even friends, telling me I shouldn't be.

Dealing with relationships was definitely harder in the spotlight, especially dealing with break ups, and I had learnt from my brief marriage to Russell that I have to learn to balance personal and professional sides of myself separately. It definitely didn't help going through my divorce under the world's eye, seeing horrible things written about me in magazines that I had, maybe on purpose, subjected myself to. I smiled further as I remembered how far I had come today, on the journey of self-discovery, self love.... Self acceptance.

Though I didn't realise it at the time, the events of 2012 would be an incredibly important asset to the rest of my life. I had taught myself many lessons on this journey, including who I should and shouldn't let in.

I'd learnt to keep my guard at all times, and it was harder for me to trust men, though it was getting better. I definitely restrained myself a lot more, taking things slower. If I had never divorced Russell, I would never have gotten the chance to be in a relationship with John, who I truly, deep down, thought was my soulmate. I had that feeling, and though I thought I felt it with Russell, I definitely didn't.