Chapter 11

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The feeling of Christmas was strong. I had finished all my Christmas shopping except one: Andy. I didn't know what to get him. He was a man that didn't really disclose his favorite things. 

I was standing in Sears staring at all the men's stuff. He wasn't a tie man. He definitely wasn't a suit guy. What could be a good gift to someone like him who had it all?

"Well well well," I heard from behind me.

I slowly turned around and it was the man I was looking for. I mean the man I was looking for a gift for.

"A-Andy? What are you doing here?" I asked stunned.

"I was just doing some shopping for some essentials. What are you doing in the men's section?" he asked curiously.

My first instinct was to lie.

"Looking for uhm, well, this guy that I'm seeing a nice Christmas gift," I told him.

"O-oh well, what does he like?" Andy asked.

You could tell his facial expression softened and was jealous perhaps.

"He uhm likes music like really likes music but I don't know his favorite band. He also doesn't like ties or suits," I told him.

"Have you thought about getting a greatest hits album or something? That could be good," Andy suggested.

"I actually had not thought about that," I remarked.

My palms were beginning to sweat. I was so nervous.

"Or you could get him some sort of cologne or body wash set? Men always like those usually. I know I do," Andy told me.

"Thanks for the ideas, Andy. I wasn't sure which direction to go," I told him.

"Of course. I've got to get going. It was nice seeing you," Andy told me.

"You too," was my reply as he disappeared.

Someone above was trying to play some sort of game with me. Getting Andy to tell me what he liked indirectly was great.

So, as Andy suggested, I went and picked up a cologne set and a greatest hits cassette for the year for him to have for Christmas. Would he put two and two together on Christmas morning? I would not know.

After finishing Christmas shopping, I headed to grab a bite to eat. I had been craving In-N-Out so I went and grabbed a burger and soda.

I drove home and unloaded all the stuff I had purchased.

The house was unusually quiet for me. Living alone has it's perks but sometimes, it was too quiet on a daily basis.

I went to turn the radio on to a holiday station and let it consume the living room as I sat down to eat first after washing up. The gifts and groceries could wait another 30 minutes to be put up.

With Christmas being only 3 weeks away, I had so much to do in so little time. I had to plan my time right with Violet and her AA meetings. I had to plan the day to ship a package to Canada for my parents. 

Christmas was my favorite time of year but also a hard time. The entire year had been so busy and I felt like I had yet to rest at all. Things kept coming at me and things kept changing. For the worse and better as I've reflected several times. But, I didn't want to mess up things for Violet. I was the only true person who stood by her through it all. 

I was tired. People told me not to worry. But, I had worries in my pockets. No one could fix the triggers of phone calls. I was always afraid of the worst when it came to Violet. But, she does prove to me time and time again that she is a changed person. 

And for Andy, I don't know what to say or feel. Things were off to a rocky start with us and now even more so I think we're both confused about what we want. I wanted him in my life and more than just because he's Andy Gibb. And, people I'm sure would twist that if they saw a civilian like myself hanging out with him.

As I ate my burger, all these things ran across my brain. Then my worst fear happened, I self-inflicted a panic attack. No one knew I had these. I never even told Violet. They got worse after her first run in the hospital a little over a year ago.

I had to put my food down and started doing my breathing exercises. I'm my own issue most times. This time, I had only myself to rely on.

I decided to go outside and take a deep breath of fresh air. I wasn't gonna call Violet or anyone because this would be a worry for them.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally had calmed myself down. It always felt like a plane turbulence of emotions going through me.

I walked inside after a few minutes and went to find my answering machine blinking.

I played the message as I cleaned up my lunch mess.

"Hey (Y/N) it's Andy. I thought about something else you could get your guy friend for Christmas. You could get him a necklace or something as well that has sentimental meaning. Anywho have a great afternoon. Bye," his voice came over.

I thought about it for a second. I could do a Secret Santa for him with the necklace. 

I went to focus on putting my bags up from the earlier shopping trip. What necklace could I get Andy was the only thing on my mind the rest of the day.

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