Save your tears • Jasper Hale

•66•

I lay in bed, staring out of the window.

I've been out of the cellar for two weeks and all I can do is lay in bed. I've only gotten up to pee and brush my teeth.

Amethyst is worried.

I haven't been talking to anyone or eating. Every time someone has tried to talk to me I ignore them.

In my depression I've been thinking about my pregnancy. I said I don't want them, but I think I'm changing my mind.

I occasionally feel my stomach, watching it move as they kick. I imagine myself raising them, in a big house next to a creek.

We would run around the creek, occasionally dipping our feet in. We would play tag and lay in the wildflowers in the day, and at night we would watch the stars.

On certain days we would bake, music would be flowing through the house and they would be laughing and dancing.

It would be perfect.

I've started speaking to them at night, telling them how I feel, what's going on in my head.

Of course they don't verbally respond but hey move around a lot.

"I think I'm changing my mind... I'm sorry for saying I didn't want you. I wasn't in the right mindset, I'm still not. Your...your father really hurt me and I'm trying to set myself straight." I rest my hand over my belly button.

The kick and I smile sadly, "I know, I know... one day at a ti-Willow?" I stop what I'm doing hearing the familiar voice.

"Can we talk?" I finally avert my eyes towards the door.

Rosalie.

I don't know if I could call her a friend anymore, after all I did try to kill her and Emmett. I'm surprised she's even here trying to talk to me.

She slowly steps into the room, closing the door.

"Amethyst wants my door open..." I mumble.

"She said I could close the door while we talk... is that ok?" I say nothing.

She leans against the door, quiet, staring at me.

"You left me..." she closes her eyes at my words.

"I know, and I'm sorry. Willow I didn't know what Jasper did. You have to believe me. When I found out I lost it. I couldn't bare to be in the same room as him, Esme couldn't either." I look back out the window, watching as a crow sits on the window sill.

"I went through the same thing...in my human years... my fiancé Roy, he was drunk one night hanging out with his friends. They saw me walking home from my friends house. I had just visited her and her new baby, he was wonderful. Cooing at everything, eyes wide and bright. I wanted a child so badly." I look back at her and see she's staring off into the distance with a smile on her face. The smile drops and she becomes tense.

"I-.... When I passed Roy and his friends, they were cat calling me and being obnoxious. I told Roy I will see him at home when he's sober. He told me to stop embarrassing him and slapped me. Soon enough I was on the ground with the others on top of me....they left me for dead. Beaten, bloody, and bruised. My dress was torn, my shoes were off...I welcomed death with open arms. Carlisle saved me and I got my revenge on them one by one...saving Roy for last."

I never knew about how Rosalie turned. She never talked about it until now.

"I know how much it hurts to have someone you love do that to you and have no one by your side....I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"I'm sorry too...I shouldn't have tried to kill you or Emmett. I was hurt but it's not an excuse."

She walks closer and sits on the edge of the bed.

"It's not ok, but I'm not mad at you. Emmett isn't either. We understand why you did it...I would have done the same." We sit in silence for a few moments before she eyes my stomach.

"Jasper told us you're pregnant."

I give a small smile. "I am."

"He also told us you don't want them."

I stay silent.

"If you would have told me that a year ago I would have tried to change your mine and say you're going to hell for killing your children but times have changed. You have been to hell and back, these children were not made from love and I will support you through any choice you make."

Tears form in my eyes at her words. I grab her hand and hold it tightly. "I'm scared Rosie... I don't like being scared but I don't know what to do. I said I wanted to get rid of them but I-I think I want to keep them." I feel the warm salty waters flow from my eyes.

She pulls me up and into a hug, "it's ok to be scared, but you don't have to be. You have me and everyone else here to support you." I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tightly.

We stay like that for a few moments before I pull back, I wipe my tears and smile at her, "I missed you so much Rosie." We both let out sad laughs.

"I missed you too, I hated leaving my bestfriend." We hold each others hands. We talk for a few minutes, catching up on the past months.

She tells me how her and Emmett went to Paris and new York for a bit, exploring her old stomping grounds and shopping.

In the middle of her talking I rub over my stomach. She stops talking and stares with a longing look. "Have they kicked at all?"

I smile and nod, "c-can I feel?" I grab her hand and gently lay it on my stomach. One of them kicks making her smile.

"You're the only one who has felt them."

"Well I'm honored." I smile at her.

I think I made my decision.

"Can you come with me downstairs please?" She nods and walks with me.

At my arrival everyone gets quiet.

They are in the livingroom.

"I-I want to apologize to all of you... I'm sorry for my actions. I've been lying and doing things I shouldn't have and they've hurt all of you in different ways... I don't expect any of you to forgive me...especially Alec, Izzy, and Luke. I'm sorry for making you hide my actions and threatening you Luke. That wasn't right." He nods.

"Alec and Izzy, I'm sorry. I've betrayed your trust, I promised when I was younger I would never ever cause any problem that would make you have to use force against me. I broke that promise. I'm truly sorry, I understand if you don't wan to-oh shut up Willow."

Izzy stands up and walks over to me, "you did break the promise, but Alec and I knew you would eventually. Of course we are upset but it was inevitable." She pulls me into a hug and I smile.

"Alec?" I question. He stands up and walks over to me, "I hated having to shoot you with an arrow covered in ruby dust. I told my parents I would never have to use them on you and I did. I killed me having to do that."

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

He pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly. "I know. I am too."

We pull away from eachother and I sniffle.

"I umm... I wanted to let everyone know that I...I decided to keep them."

There's a moment of silence before Karmen and Izzy squeal. "Yes! I get to be an aunt! Ugh I will be the rich aunt who comes to family parties looking so cool!"

"I'm the lesbian aunt who picks them up from school to take them shopping!"

"Baby shower! We have to plan!"

"You're right!"

I smile at their excitement. Amethyst walks over to me and holds my hands, "are your sure this is what you want to do? One child is already a lot, three will be stressful. You can't do everything you use to do."

I nod, "I-I know... but I want this. I want them." She smiles at me.

"I'll be here to support you."

"That's all I can ask for."