Trouble just finds me...

I'm done Leah 20

I'm still running laps, not because I haven't calmed down but because it's the only time I can think without having a panic attack.

I buried my fucking best friend 6 days ago and I still don't think I've processed it properly. I know I'm taking it out on the wrong people but I don't know how to handle it, AJ was the only one who could help me understand my emotions and feelings and now she's fucking dead.

I hate her so much but I love her even more, she was my only friend that wasn't just with me for the adventure but also for my personality, even though it's a messy shit show, she loved me for me and I've never had that before.

Training ended some time ago but I don't care, if I stop running I have to face reality again and I'm not ready for it just yet.

I also have to apologise to Goldie...

Maybe I can just run until I die or something, my brain has been fucked up lately and I really don't like it that much.

Leah has apparently been waking up to me screaming every night so I fixed that by not sleeping at all. Right now I haven't slept for 3 days and I know it isn't healthy and I always feel like I'm about to pass out but I don't want to be waking her up.

I don't want to be a burden on her...

"TJ, LETS GO" Leah brings me out of my thoughts as she waves me over but I shake my head.

"I'LL GET MYSELF HOME" I shout to her and she looks at me like she's debating whether to go home or stay here but she eventually gives me a nod and blows me a kiss.

I keep running laps until the sun starts to set but I might as well see how long I can keep going and maybe I'll be lucky enough to run myself to death.

"Oi, wait up" I hear someone says but I just ignore her.

If you ignore your problems they go away.

"You've been out here for hours, shouldn't you be home already" she asks me as she starts running beside me.

"Can't you see that I'm busy" I ask her in a harsh tone.

"You're just running around so no, I don't really see how you could be busy" she says softly but I'm not in the mood.

"Well I am, so would you kindly fuck of or do you want to see if I could make you cry again, which I was gonna apologise for but now I'm not since you're annoying me" I say as I keep running and trying to ignore her.

"Why are you so mean, I haven't done anything to you that I know off, except for maybe hogging the ball, so why are you being a bitch" she's really brave, I'll give her that...

"It's my personality babe, so get used to it or get the fuck away from me and know your goddamn place" I say in a sweet voice that's laced with sarcasm.

"The girls said that you'd be nicer once I got to know you but from how you were acting in training, I really don't understand how you're still on the team" she says and I stop in my tracks.

I see Katie and Leah at the other end of the field so it'll take them at least a minute to run over here so I'm just going to talk to her before I punch her.

Get my point across you know.

"Listen up you two faced bitch, you might be able to get on their good side but I don't care about that, you know why I'm on this team and you saw it. Try to get better at the game before coming here because I'll make it my mission to humiliate you in everything you do and if you so desperately want to know why I'm being a bitch then I suggest you look up my name, there you'll find multiple articles on how my best friend just killed herself after being raped by the same guy who did it to me" I say before pushing her to the ground.