Trouble just finds me...

Don't do drugs 38

I decided not to bother Leah last night, and instead I just went to my room before lying awake for hours whilst thinking about how I should really go to sleep, but also about how much I want another tattoo.

I'd say that it was a rather productive night.

Or at least I did...

"Wake up and get ready. I'm leaving in 30 minutes, so if you're not ready by then I'm leaving without you" Leah informs me in a blank voice before leaving my room.

I'm too bloody tired for this shit...

I eventually gather enough willpower to get out of bed and get ready, and I even have 5 minutes to spare, so I start to rearrange my stuff in the cabinet under the sink.

Which come to think about it, I've yet to hide the bag of pills that's taped behind the toilet, and I might as well just take one with me to training.

Everyone needs a little pick me up every once in a while...

____________

Training's been horrible...

The team is clearly mad at me and they're definitely not trying to hide it. I don't think I've ever been tackled so often in training, and I'm pretty sure that I'll have a few good looking shiners on my body by the end of the day, but thankfully, none of them have tried to talk to me, so if I just keep my head down and try not to do anything stupid I'll hopefully make it through the day.

I also had to have a little talk with Jonas about what happened, and since it didn't happen during work hours he can't really do anything other than just giving me a warning.

The training is finally over, so I go over to the coaches and ask them for a ball bag, since there's no way in hell that I'm going back home.

I start working on my dribbling before moving on to practicing my free kicks from both long and short distances until I realise that it's getting dark out, and I haven't even eaten anything all day, so I should probably start packing up.

I just finished returning the stuff I was using, and I'm almost ready to leave, but I really don't want to go home since I'm either going to get ignored or I'll be getting a long ass scolding, so I might as well just go to the park.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff recently, and I came to the conclusion that it's honestly just useless.

When I fuck up I start to think about what I did, I find ways to help me change my mindset, how I can make it better and what I can do to prevent myself from ending up in the same situation, but then I end up forgetting about my life altering solutions, which leads to me ending up in the exact same situation as before.

It's an annoying cycle that I can't seem to break, so why should I keep trying to change my ways when I'll just end up making the same mistake again and again?

Which leads me to my latest fuck up...

Let's just say that I'm recreating the first time I came to this park, but I changed it up a bit to make it a little more interesting, so this time I'm still high, but I'm not smoking anything.

It's even better than I remember, and I never, ever, want to go back.

This is honestly the best I've felt since AJ died, and I don't want it to end, so I'm just gonna enjoy it for a while and hopefully I won't be interrupted.

Maybe I should start a band or I could become a pilot and travel the world whilst also getting paid, but I don't have the willpower or motivation to do that, and I'm definitely not smart enough, so that leaves me with plan G...