Couple of besties || Hwang Hyunjin

50

Y/n's POV
We both are cheaters... I cheated on Felix and he cheated on Olivia. I mean, I don't even really know if they're still together after his confession but I do see them together at school. But that doesn't have to mean that they're still together right? It could mean that they stayed friends and she's supportive of him liking- I mean loving me. (A/n: stay delusional queen😚) But why would you support that? It's bad! My mind wandered off to our kiss. I touched my lips. His lips were truly as soft as they looked. He was so gentle and loving while kissing me. He sure was good at it. Ugh what am I doing? I sighed. And yet again that one feeling was in my stomach, butterflies. I know that I should regret kissing him like every sane person would, but why do I kinda not? Oh my god I'm the worst person imaginable.
I started crying again. I've had enough of this bull shit, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I didn't love Felix at all. The person I truly love and have always loved is Hyunjin. There, I finally said it. I am in love with my best friend, Hwang fucking Hyunjin.

'I'm so so sorry Felix. You really deserve someone who will truly love you and care for you. Not someone like me who tried to make herself and others believe that she loved you, even though deep down she always knew her heart belonged to someone else. My heart always called his name no matter how much I denied it. My mind made me think I liked you, but it was only because I didn't want to admit that I had feelings for Hyunjin. Cause I was afraid of those feelings, afraid that if I gave in on those feelings and let him in that if something were to go wrong I would completely lose him. I don't even want to imagine my life without him being in it. But I've just realized that I don't have to be so afraid about it because nothing can or will go wrong since we are meant to be together, like everyone says. Hyunjin and I were meant to be together since the beginning. We only belong together, not with anybody else. And I now know for a fact that we won't and can't hurt each other, in fact we're only hurting right now because of me. Because I was in denial about my feelings for him, but I've finally decided to let go of all the fear and the worry and instead choose happiness. That happiness is Hyunjin. I'm truly so sorry for wasting your time like this. Im sorry for telling you I love you too when I didn't even meant it. I wasn't actually in love with you, I was only in love with the idea of you. Because every time you were around, I could get away from my thoughts and feelings about him. I loved the fact that you were able to do that for me, and wanted to stay close to you because of it. Now I know how selfish that was'

I said all of that out loud to practically no one but the sky. I wish I could say all of it to his face. But I wouldn't know how.

'I'm so so sorry Felix, I can't tell you how sorry I truly am.' I sighed as I wiped away my tears. I sat up and leaned back against a tree.

My heart dropped as I looked over to Felix walking in to this closed off place. I widened my eyes. How long has he been here? Did he hear all of that? How did he even know I was here? Oh god. He sat next to me and looked at me. There were tears visible in his eyes. I felt so bad and so ashamed.

'It's all okay Y/n, believe me I get it. I saw it all coming since the beginning. I knew what I was getting myself into when we first started dating. But there was something that I guess gave me hope, something that told me we could be happy together. But that wasn't the case. I really am happy though, that you chose to let go of that fear and choose your happiness instead. I'm happy that you can finally be honest with yourself. I want to see you be happy even if that isn't with me, because I really do love you. That's why I'm gonna try my best to get over you even though it's gonna be very hard to do.'

He sighed and looked away from my eyes when he said that last sentence. I felt insanely bad, I didn't know what to do, so I just hugged him really tight. He hugged me back.

' Thank you Felix, you're truly the sweetest person that I know. And I'm also so so sorry about all of this. You out of all people didn't deserve this.' We broke the hug. He suddenly chuckled.

'I guess I am sweet aren't I?' He ruffled my hair.  I smiled and so did he. He then laid down on the grass. I laid down next to him. Even though he acted like he was fine, I could tell he wasn't. It was visible from his eyes. No one would react to this like he did. He's such a strong person.

'And don't apologize for anything, you have nothing to apologize for trust me.' He said looking at the sky.

There it was again. I should do more than just apologizing, but he says that. I really hope someone special will heal that heart of his, he deserves it the most out of everyone. But that person can't be me, since I was the one that broke it in the first place.

—————————————————————————-
Omg we're so close to the end of this book, I feel sad and relieved at the same time🫣. Yup ppl she's in love with Hwang fucking Hyunjin! As she should😙

︎︎♡︎︎︎♡︎♡︎