My Time (jjk x soulmate au) 💜 {18+}

Chapter 43

Double Update!!!!! Enjoy!!!

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The door bell rang jolting me back from the worst memories of my life. I didn't know I was crying until the sound of the bell rang through the apartment and I found my cheeks wet.

"Ash!!! Are you there?" Ara hollered.

But I couldn't respond. My hands trembled and suddenly I felt sick.

"Wait I'll get the door," Ara said obilivious to my state. It's not until she took the delivery and entered the kitchen that she noticed something was wrong.

She immediately dropped the delivery bag on the dinning table and rushed to me.

I wheezed as if I can still feel her fingers wrapped against my throat squeezing it. Ara rubbed my back without asking much questions.

Closing my eyes, I rubbed my temples trying to calm myself up.

'I'm Fine,' I chanted to myself.

"Ash?" I glanced at Ara, who looked terrified and at the verge of crying, "Gwenchana?"

Ignoring the slight pain in my chest, I mustered a smile and said, "I'm fine, Unnie. Don't worry."

"Don't lie to me, Pabo, I know something is wrong. I know something is haunting you, Ash. You look so pale," She sobbed.

"No there's nothing wrong, Unnie," I reassured her.

"You think I didn't notice? You're overworking yourself, drowning yourself in your studies and research ever since we came back. You don't even sleep properly as if you're afraid of something. You zone out just like what just happened," Ara cried out.

"It's nothi-"

"Don't try to fool me, Ash. I know something is haunting you. I can help. We can help you, if you let us. Please let us help you," She pleaded.

I feel like... I'm so fucking useless for making her plead just so she can help me out. But I know only I can help nyself out. It's my mind playing tricks with me....

But what if... Telling them or sharing this burden can really... Really... Help me?

Wiping my tears, I mustered a small smile and hugged her, "Unnie, I can't thank you enough for loving me so much and I'm sorry that I make you worry. It's just... It's just some things. Some bad memories resurface again when you think they're securely locked in the darkest part of your mind. Some old wounds you thought have scarred might actually be still fresh and throbbing. You never know... "

"What are you saying? It doesn't make any sense," She exclaimed.

"You don't need to worry. I'll tell you guys everything when it's the right time."

'Yes, when I'll finally beat the monsters lurking in dark that day I'll tell them,' I silently added in my head.

But as if she read my mind, "You don't need to fight your battles alone. We know it's yours to fight and only you can make a way out of it. But... Sometimes it's better to someone else to aid you with the battle. Let them stand besides you, so that they can help you. Sharing a little burden of yours with the people who are willing to help you won't make you loose the battle you're fighting. On other hand, with some burden off your shoulder, you can fight back with more strength."

Her words rendered me speechless. I never thought about sharing my deep thoughts to anyone, not even Eva or Yuki. I never wanted to be a burden to the people I love. I always kept what happened that day almost myself. I never spoke about it to anyone but my therapist. Even what Tony knows are his wild guesses... But most of them are correct. However, one thing he's certain about is that... What kept me up most the nights after the incident was.... His mum's scream for help. He never voiced it but I know he always felt bad that my trauma was because of his mum's death. Although it was partially correct but it's not his mum's fault, if anything I feel responsible for her death.