Even The Weak Can Be Wicked (PLAYBOOK #2)

CHAPTER 29: The New Boundaries

JESSICA

I am freaking out.

Alek is leaving—for months.

Months?!

My crush is requited and I am catching serious feelings for this man but he is leaving. I can't do long distance again, I promised myself I wouldn't.

I know thinking like this is biting the bullet but I can't help it. I saw him naked and he is great kisser and he is so nice and shit! I am ruining it before it even begins.

"Sit down," the look on Alek's face is stern and serious.

Last night he almost yelled, it was for a second but I was able to respond because he almost yelled. I can take yelling but not calm and rational.

"Sure boss," I internally wince because I have no idea why I'm being like this.

"Stop it," his version of snapping is way scarier. "You're being a baby and before you blame it on being younger, I am not going to let you get away with it."

I drop my arms.

"I hate touching because the thought of another person's hands on me physically make me sick." He stands over me, "I'm not kidding. The first time someone outside my family touched me, I got hives."

Hives?

"Yes, hives. My skin turned red and I developed these bumps, it took a lot of work to get me to stand handshakes let alone hugs with people I am not comfortable with. The first time is usually the worst."

"I'm sorry—" I pick at my hands.

"No, don't be. I'm not saying this for pity, I just need you to listen." He pulls a stool and faces me, "touching you. That first time you hugged me, I had the opposite reaction. The automatic response was to ask you to stop but I really didn't want you to."

Then why did his body become rigid every time we were close.

"Now, I have to pace myself because it's all I want to do and I know it doesn't make sense but truth is neither do we and that's okay because we're figuring it out."

"Figuring it out? That doesn't sound like you." I soften because I feel guilty now.

"It's not but figuring it out is how I got over my stammer."

"You had a stammer?" I have the urge to hold his face but I don't.

"Yes, the words in my head were moving too fast for my mouth. After that there were panic attacks and then they were all these other things that I worked through by figuring it out."

"Okay," I am listening.

"I am not normal. I didn't go to college at a normal age, I didn't start drinking or dating at a normal time either and honestly I never want to be." He exhales heavily, "so whatever is pissing you off might be normal behavior to a regular functioning person but it is not to me. I seriously have no idea why you're mad at me."

Queue more guilt because I am being a bit immature and dramatic.

"Nobody, not even April the woman I was going to marry had ever slept in my bed. Nobody drives my car, ever. Yesterday was the first time my mother came to my house, Ashton had to break in to see it."

What?

"Everything I am doing, is my way of trying to let you in because sometimes words fail me." He holds my hands, "touching you is the best thing in the world and I never want to stop but kissing you, is even better."

"It is?" I can't find my voice.

"It is baby." He assures, "which is why we need to take this slow. I promise when we finally do it, it'll be it worth okay?"