Life Series Oneshots

Incorect Quotes 4

Is this number four? I don't even know at this point. Anyway. Let's go!

Gem: If I die, please avenge me.
Cleo: What if it's an accidental death?
Gem: Just go nuts and break everything.

Lizzie: Ominous positivity
Cleo: You will be okay. You have no choice.
Gem: Everything will turn out fine. You can not stop it.
Pearl: You will succeed. It is inevitable.

Jimmy: Hey Grian! What're you doing?
Grian: *typing furiously on their phone* Winning the fucking war.
Joel: *leans in to see their Google search* 'How to get stolen blood back from mosquitos'?

Grian: Casually call your friends "coward" to assert dominance
Jimmy: Hey, do you mind closing the door for me?
Grian: Sure thing, coward.

Skizz: I eat paper.
Tango: Me too.
Impulse: Why!?
Etho: It tastes good.
Impulse: . . .
Tango: I like it when you get the warm paper with soy sauce.
Skizz: YES!
Etho: It seems like I've been missing out on something.
Tango: You have been.
Impulse: Warm paper with soy-
Impulse: DO YOU MEAN PAPER THAT'S GOT INK ON IT!?
Tango: Yes.
Impulse: . . . I'm speechless.
Skizz, holds up Impulse's homework: Paper?
Impulse: . . . Why am I friends with you?
Tango, with a mouthful of paper: We were your only options.

Impulse: My favorite thing to do is tell my friends about the wild things Victor Hugo did and see the look of shock and horror on their faces because they only know him as the great author who wrote Les Mis and Hunchback and not as the man who gave his fiancee a live bat in an envelope.
Skizz: He what now-

Skizz: Is it okay if I swear?
Impulse: Yes, I will allow you.
Skizz: Sh-
Impulse: Go on.
Skizz: I'm afraid.

Etho: And now, thanks to you, we're in a flying donut, thousands of miles from earth, with no backup.
Skizz: I'm backup!
Tango: No, you not backup, you're a stowaway, the adults are talking.
Impulse: I'm so confused.
Skizz: Have you never seen Avengers?
Impulse relizes what they were quoting: I hate you all.

Skizz : Why don’t you go talk to him? 
Tango, sarcastically:  Oh. Yeah, sure. 
Skizz : What? So you go tell him he's cute, what’s the worst that could happen? 
Tango: He could hear me.

Lizzie: What do rainbows mean to you?
Scott: Gay rights.
Cleo: There's money.
Pearl: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.
Gem: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

Tango: We’re getting married, b----es! 
Jimmy : And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Gem: BE A BETTER PERSON! 
Skizz: WHY?! 
Gem: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS F--- AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

Impulse: Everyone synchronise your watches.
Skizz: I don't know how to do that.
Tango: I don't wear a watch.
Etho: Time is a construct.
Impulse: Forget it.

Cleo, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Gem, pulling out an Uno card: Plus four, red.
Pearl, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Lizzie: What are we playing!?

Impulse: We need a distraction.
Gem: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?
Scott, whispering: My time has come. . .

Lizzie: How did none of you hear what I just said?
Gem: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Pearl: I got distracted about halfway through.
Cleo: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Gem: Well, has Pearl been wrong before?
Cleo: How wide are we willing to open this up?

Martyn: Ren, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Ren: Well of course I have.
Ren: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Ren: It's boring.

Pearl: They don’t make them like me anymore, this much awesome is a dying breed. 
Scott: Thank God. 

Tango: Skizz isn't answering their phone
Impulse: I'll call
Tango: Etho and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-
Skizz: Hello?

Joel: Yeah, a partner sounds nice, but a supreme enemy you can make out with in secret sometimes sounds a lot more hardcore.

Etho: I am darkness. I am a power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Tango: A doll.
Impulse: A cinnamon roll.
Skizz: A sweetheart.
Etho:
Etho: ...Stop it.

Scott: I know you love her.
Pearl: I am not in love with Gem!
Scott, staring at Pearl: I never said who...
Pearl: *realizes*
Pearl: Crap. Well, anyways-

Etho walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: Joel, I love you but, what the f---.
Joel, sipping coffee happily: I love you too.

Scott: Can I bother you for a second?
Martyn : You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

Scar: I have feelings for you.
Grian: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Etho: I just ended a four year relationship.
Tango: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Etho: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Skizz and Impulse fighting from across the room*

Joel: *accidentally brushes Etho’s hand with his own*
Etho: *aggressively holds his hand* F—ing commit to it!

Ren: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Martyn: You need to stop.

Tango, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Skizz: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Tango, with the tone of someone who is used to stupid: Outstanding.
Tango: This is what I’m talking about people.

Grian, in a high voice, holding barbie: Hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Joel, in a deep voice, holding ken: Nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids.
Jimmy: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Grian: Playing systemic oppression.

Grian: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Jimmy: Wasn't Joel with you?
Joel: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Gem: Your existence is confusing.
Skizz: How so?
Gem: Your presence is incredibly annoying but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.

So yeah. I've got issues. Anyway, that's for reading, love ya!
Star