Two shoes (Nathan Sykes Fan-Fic)

Chapter 12

Nathan's POV

Big Kev pulled up outside me and Jay's flat and honked the car's horn. I quickly grabbed my keys off of our big glass table and ran out the door but then ran back in to check my hair in the mirror. I was wearing black skinny jeans, a short sleeved plain white t-shirt with my converse, one of my favourite snap-backs, black rimmed sun glasses and a leather jacket. I fussed with my quiff thing for a minute

"Looking cool Sykes!" Jay said from behind me, which made me jump because I thought he was in bed with a serious hangover and possibly waking up next to some random girl who he wouldn't have remembered meeting. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks so I took off, not wanted to annoy Big Kev, leaving a laughing Jay stood by the doorway waving at me. I felt the kind of nervous adrenaline I get from performing pumping around my body when I thought about seeing her again. I hopped in the sleek discreet black car and gave Kev a subtle nod.

"Nathan. You have to be careful around this girl." Kev said sternly as he stopped the car after about 15 minutes even though we weren't there yet

"I know that-"

"The fans will react badly so you need to be very-" Kev continued 

"Kev! I know. It's not like we're dating..." 

"I know that you know... I'm feeling more like a chauffeur nowadays. I'm really proud of you, you know? You've grown up to be a really amazing kid." 

"Awwww Kev! You're getting all mushy! Wait... You're not leaving us, right?" I was stricken with worry

"I was thinking about it-"

"You can't-" I exclaimed

"Let me finish! I was thinking about it but I can't leave you, you're my boys! Plus... I worry about you."

"I'm fine now." I said bluntly

"Are you though?"

"I'm over it."

"It not something that goes away over night, Nathan. You've done well so far dealing with it but you're not out of the woods yet." He was annoying me now

"Kev. I. Am. Fine." 

"Nathan you have depression! You are far from fine!"

Yep... Depression. My sister Gabby and I are really close, more so than most siblings even hope to be, I consider her more of a best friend than a sister but she got cancer about 5 years ago. I couldn't deal with it and I just got so depressed. I wouldn't go out of the house, I self harmed and I got to a point where I nearly committed suicide... My sister's fine now but I never quite got over it, it always stuck with me. Kev and Jayne always said I should go public, to help the fans, but I never would, it was too humiliating. Fans count on us to be strong when they're at their absolute weakest, me saying I went through it too wouldn't help them... How could it? I feel like such a hypocrite, seeing fans self harming and telling them to stay strong but I couldn't... It took 4 idiots and a life of fame to distract me long enough to stop. I still do it though sometimes when I get really angry or sad but the boys stop me usually... I'll always remember the looks on their faces when they found out... It was after All Time Low went into the charts and I just got twitter, then the hate started coming through. Do you know how hard it is to think the worst of yourself then see that others see that too? I grabbed a knife from the kitchen on the bus and went to my bunk and started cutting. The boys walked in and they looked so shocked, so worried. Jay grabbed the knife out of my hands so quickly it's like he thought it was a bomb about to be detonated, Tom cleaned me up, Max was nearly in tears and Seev was just silent. I had to tell them everything then they called a shrink and made me go see them every week...

I threw the car door open and jumped out, Kev cleared his throat and I jumped back in. Damn... If I didn't need to go somewhere I would have ran away. 

"Nathan. I'm going to ask you to do something, you probably wont do it but I'm begging you... Please. Just cancel meeting up with this girl and let me take you home."

"I can't Kev."

"Please Nath. I can tell you've already fallen for her but she's taken. She'll break your heart and she'll hurt you and then... You'll hurt yourself." Kev said staring at the scars across my wrists, they were fading though and all the lads were so proud of me but he was right, there would probably be fresh cuts soon...

"I'm stupid for doing this to myself but I just have to, you know?"

Kev started up the engine again and started driving... Not long now.

"Love makes men do stupid things. This is your stupid thing." Kev said sighing, like he expected my answer, to be fair, he knew me so well he probably knew what words I was going to use.

Sorry this is like the shortest chapter in the history of any chapter in the world but I plan on the next one being big and awesome. This was just kind of to give Nath a bit of a back-story