Two shoes (Nathan Sykes Fan-Fic)

Chapter 44

This is the final chapter of Two Shoes. Wow. I find that hard to believe, I've been writing this for over a year! ASDFGHJKL I'M SO NERVOUS YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HATE ME, I'M SORRY

IMPORTANT. PLEASE READ THE NOTE AFTER THIS FOR INFORMATION ON... THE SEQUEL.

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Lexi's POV:

It's a lie. It's all a lie.

I was frantically throwing my things into a small bag. I didn't have much that I could call my own but Nathan had bought some things for me. I didn't want to take anything that he had bought, it didn't feel right but I needed something to survive with. I knew for sure that I would leave something here and I'd probably need it at some point but there was no time to plan or to get my thoughts organised, Nathan could come home at any minute and that would be truly disastrous.

I suppose I should explain. I'd been putting up a front since I woke up and saw Nathan. I can't be around him any longer, it's not that I don't love him because I think I do but it's too hard to try and trust him again. Every time he looks at me or he touches me, I'm terrified. Alex has scarred me in more ways than one and as hard as Nathan may try to erase that or make me forget, I could never heal with him beside me. In short, I was being a wimp and I was running away from my problems. I didn't know where I would go but I didn't care, I could catch a train to London or a flight to France, it really didn't matter which. I knew that Nathan would be crushed when he first found out, he was strangely infatuated with me although I really didn't know why, I was hardly anything to look at and I certainly didn't deserve someone as special and as wonderful as he is. I tried not to think about what his reaction would be because there was very little that allowed me to have enough courage to continue through with the plan I had been formulating since I had woken up in hospital. I knew as soon as my eyes landed on Nathan that day that I wouldn't get better with him around, it was too hard and I was too weak, I knew what I had to do.

It was all a matter of waiting: at what point would Nathan leave me alone? How would I tell him? I couldn't bear to tell Nathan myself and watch him crumble, he seemed sure that we could get over this but he didn't understand what Alex did to me. So with a shaky hand, I picked up a pen and began to write him a letter that would explain where I was and why I'd gone. It was a cowardly move but I knew in my heart that this was the only way that I could explain things to him. If he was there, getting upset and trying to talk me out of it, I knew I'd either cave and stay or I wouldn't be able to tell him everything that I needed to.

Dear Nathan,

As you will have noticed, I am no longer here. I know you Nathan and you'll skim over this quickly and start looking for me but please, don't bother. By the time you will have read this, I will probably be long gone, I can't tell you where because I'm not entirely sure but even if I did know, I wouldn't say just in case you went in search of me. I'm sorry to say that I have been lying to you and I'm genuinely much worse than I appear to be. I've tried to hide it from you and I've tried to get better but the emotional scars Alex has left upon me are ones that can not be healed so easily. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot heal with you around and I need time alone to build up trust in people again.

Please know that I am not leaving you out of cruelty or lack of love, I'm doing it in the hope that time will heal me emotionally and then I can come back and love you in the way that you deserve. You're a wonderful man, no one has ever treated me as well as you have in the short period that we have been together and I cannot thank you enough for what you have done for me, you've saved my life and rescued me from what cannot be called a life.