4Ever & a Day : The Next Generation of R5

If I Die Young

Riker

I hadn't left her side since she was admitted. Even though I knew this day was coming I wasn't prepared for it. I tried to remember all the good times as I sat here with tears streaming down my face. I had almost lost her two times before and she had come back to me. I knew though this time that wouldn't be the case. Calling Ryssa and Riot had been the hardest thing I had ever done. My voice had cracked when I spoke to each of them. I was glad though they had significate others who could be their rocks during this time because I wasn't sure I would ever be okay without Raelyn.

"Riker you really should go get something to eat and shower because you stink," Rocky said from the doorway.

"I can't leave her. What if I leave and she dies without me?" I said trying to hold back fresh sobs.

"I don't think that's gonna happen Riker. She's waiting on the kids."

I looked up and saw fresh tears beginning to sting Rocky's eyes. I knew my family loved Raelyn as much as I did. Hell I think Rydel was a bigger mess than I was at this point. I debated on leaving for just long enough to go home and shower and come back. I decided it would probably be best to at least be presentable when Riot and Ryssa arrived.

An hour later I was back and as I walked into the waiting room I spotted Charlotte and Rhapsody. I saw that Cameron and Embry had the twins which meant Ryssa and Liam were here too. I just stood there and watched my family. I didn't wipe the tears from my eyes as I stood there and thought of all the things Raelyn was going to miss. I suddenly didn't want to do them without her. My heart hurt far more than the time she left me and I never thought that was possible.

I jumped when Harley ran past me followed by Bethenny. She was making a beeline for Embry. Embry handed off whichever twin it was he had to Dacia right before Harley jumped in his lap. I forced myself to move forward. Riot came out and hugged me and I lost it. Sobs racked my body and I couldn't hold it back anymore. He was crying too. Once we finally pulled out of the hug we walked to Raelyn's room.

Ryssa was sitting by Raelyn's bedside holding her hand. Riot and I walked up behind her and each put a hand on one of her shoulders. We just stood there like that in silence for a long time. None of us were ready to say goodbye even though we knew we had to. I don't know how long we were standing there when the doctor came in to speak to us.

"Mr. Lynch have you given anymore thought to what we discussed?" he asked.

"Daddy she wouldn't want to live like this," Ryssa said through her sobs.

"I know but I'm not ready to let go," I sighed.

I knew she was right and Raelyn and I had discussed this. I had promised when the time came I would turn off the machine but now that it was time to do it I couldn't. Letting go was harder than I thought it would be. How did you just let go of the love of your life? How did I tell her it was okay to let go? I nodded at the doctor and he flipped the switch on the ventilator.

Ryssa got up and let me sit in the chair. I just sat there and held her hand. I kissed her one last time as the heart monitor stopped and she was gone. My tears fell down my face wetting the sheets as I told her how much I loved her. I felt like my chest was caving in it hurt so bad. I had the urge all of a sudden to run from the room. I kissed her on the forehead one last time and left. I made it out to the waiting room before my legs gave way and I sank to my knees.

My mom sprang into action. I knew she knew exactly what Raelyn wanted. We had sat her down and told her all the details just in case I wasn't able to carry them out. That was definitely the case. I couldn't stop crying. Valerie came and sat beside me and we cried together.

I was barely aware of what was going on around me. I heard Cameron and Embry say they were taking the little ones for ice cream. I watched as other people in my family left and all Valerie and I did was sit there and cry.

The next few days were a blur to me. I barely remembered any of it. It just seemed endless. People telling me how sorry they were for my loss and she was in a better place. But all I wanted was her here by my side. I just sat in the corner and didn't speak to anyone. I hadn't spoken since I left the hospital. It helped that Rhapsody came and sat with me. She just sat there and snuggled into my chest. She didn't understand what was going on or why everyone was so sad but she was trying to comfort everyone. It was the sweetest thing ever After the funeral Riot and Charlotte left and I promised them I'd be okay. The thing was I knew it was a lie. I would never be okay again without Raelyn.