Crazy (s.m)

twenty eight

lmao this is short, sad, but sweet. :)

songs to listen to during this chapter:
• one of those nights- shawni boiii
• this is what it takes- shawni boiii
• quiet nights- catching flies
• long way down- one direction

S H A W N

"Please." I heard her cry, sliding down the door. I don't even know what it was exactly that was making me this upset. Just that I felt as if I wasn't worthy of her and that she wanted Harry. I'm just not good enough. I hate myself.

The thing she said about Lauren also really hurt me. She doesn't even know Lauren and she already seemed like she had something against her.

'Don't you wanna date Lauren anyway?' The words repeated in my head while tears fell. I couldn't take it, it felt like someone was stabbing me. That's how this pain feels.

I had my face in my pillow, hair all messy and eyes all red. I kept letting tears fall, trying to keep my crying silent. I couldn't bear to hear her crying outside my door so I got up and unlocked it then laid back down under my tangled bed sheets. I let tears fall and ruffled my already messy hair. I heard the patter of feet on the carpet as Alice came towards me. She hugged my back, resting her head on the back of my shoulder.

"Baby please forgive me I'm-I'm so s-sorry I love you so much I'm going to drive myself crazy if I don't have you.." She trailed off. I gave myself a minute to think.

"Did you mean what you said about Lauren?" I said, sitting up.

"No." She mumbled.

"I wouldn't ever want her. I love you too much. And I wish I could easily get over this but it's not like that. You obviously want Harry."

"Shawn, don't say that, I love you not him. You're the best guy anyone could have. You make me happy when I'm sad. You give me butterflies every time you touch me. You make me smile when you laugh. I'm completely in love with everything about you."

I look down in contemplation and next thing I know she's lifting my chin up, making our lips collide. I kissed her back and deepened the kiss, cupping her cheeks. What am I doing? I'm mad and upset but she made all those feelings go away for the next thirty seconds. I finally pulled away.

"I-I..." I started, trying to find the words. She just hugged me and I cried into her, my tears soaking her fur coat. "D-do you really think I'm that bad of a boyfriend that you w-want Harry instead? I-I am a bad boyfriend aren't I. Th-the w-way I pulled your wrist and didn't let anyone else touch you..."

"Don't say that. you're not a bad boyfriend and I don't love Harry." She said and pulled away, wiping the tears that were falling down my cheeks with her soft thumbs.

"Do you love me?" I blurt out, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Of course I do." She said and for some reason, even though I already knew she did love me, relief washed over me. I fell into her again and she hugged me tight. I had stopped sobbing and it was just a few tears fell. We hugged in silence for several seconds when I finally gained the courage to speak.

"I love you too princess."

••••••

I felt a shift in the bed and my arms fell in front of me. I realized I wasn't holding anyone and whimpered a little.

"Shhh." I heard and felt my arms around her again as she started running her fingers through my hair. I fluttered my eyes open and saw Alice facing me, smiling. I smiled back, my eyes all squinty and swollen from the crying I did last night.