Airplane [iKON fanfiction]

Chapter 31: stress and conflicts

BI POV
I have never felt this horrible in my entire life. During the previous SMTM match, I had forgotten my lyrics and ended up bluffing my way through. However I was too panicked to even think of a rap on the spot.

That's not the worst. The worst was that I did not get eliminated in that round. It was unfair and I knew it myself too. The other contestants and the public were all angry at the results and I understood how they felt.

"Hanbin-ah, it's really okay. You just have to show others a better stage the next round." Bobby tried to encourage me.

"It won't be easy to change the audience's opinion. I will be marked as that idol rapper with his big company behind his back."  I said as I left the practice room.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to continue arranging the song for our upcoming M&M match. You guys go home without me!" I shouted as I left the room.

I walked and unconsciously I was at the rooftop again. I sat on the ground and thought about life.

"Having problems?" Chohee said as she sat down beside me.

"How do you always manage to find me when I'm feeling down?"

"Who said I was here for you? I'm lacking inspirations for my songs so I decided to come up here to take my mind off things." She answered.

I knew better than to believe her words.

"Chohee, do you think I'm a bad rapper?" I asked.

"No, of course not. Everybody have their own rapping style and they have their unique voice. It is hard for people to accept styles that are different from the ones they are comfortable with." She replied.

Those were the wise words from Chohee. She always has that ability to make people feel better after talking.

"I have so much on my shoulder now. I have never felt this busy before, urgh I need to run away from reality for awhile!!!" I screamed into the air.

"That's right, scream it all out, you will feel better like that Hanbin-ah." She patted my back.

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The next day's training did not help me in this period of emotional breakdown for me.

"Did you even practice?" I had enough of Hongseok's attitude. "You need to work harder hyung, I'm being very serious."

I had repeatedly asked him to practice more as he was lacking behind. I have said it countless times behind the cameras so as to not embarrass him. I've tried to stay back with him to help, but I had other commitments too, I didn't have enough time to babysit him.

If he still refused to put in the extra effort, he will definitely received scolding from the judges in the evaluation. As a leader, I had done all I could. The rest was up to him.

But I would certainly be judged badly for my leadership, I couldn't even make my team members be prepared for a satisfactory performance.

Mr Yang had already been very disappointed with my SMTM performance. Argh I've never felt this stressed before.

We hardly had dinner together as a group as everybody had different training timings. Some decided to stay longer to practice dancing, some had vocal trainings, some had songwriting or choreography practices. We could only meet after our various practices at home.

I stayed until 3am to write my new track for SMTM and I reached home to see the members still awake practicing.

Donghyuk and Junhoe were practicing dancing. Jinhwan and Yunheong  were helping Chanwoo and Jinheong with their singing. Bobby was memorizing his lyrics for his SMTM performance. Everybody was working very hard to improve themselves. But isn't there one missing person?

"Yah Hongseok hyung, you're sleeping?" I turned on the lights of his room angrily.

"Huh, what's wrong?" He asked dreamily.

"Theres no way I can help you if you do not put in the effort. Are you sure you want this spot in iKON, because if you don't then you do not deserve to be here in this team."

The members gathered around us after hearing the commotion.

"We are all very desperate and determined to train hard so that we can debut. We want to be successful. If you're going to continue with this attitude, you will just drag all 8 of us down with you. Can you stop being so fking selfish?" I growled. He had really exceeded my patience.

"Hanbin, calm down." Jinhwan dragged me away to my own room before I got physical with Hongseok.

"Sorry hyung, I just couldn't stand him anymore. He doesn't understand that this is not only about him, his performance will affect people's impression of us as a team." I told Jinhwan alone in my room.

"Don't worry, I understand. Everyone's pretty annoyed by him but nobody dares to say anything because he is older."

"Yeah, I can tell even Jinhyeong and Chanwoo are irritated by him although they are all newcomers. They have been practicing diligently and I can see their improvements." I said.

"Yeah, those two boys are really hardworking and they are willing to take criticisms from us."

"Hyung, there's really so many things happening now. I need an escape from reality if not I'm going to go crazy."

"All of us are here to support you, don't keep all your problems to yourselves."

"I need to clear my mind someday..." I trailed off as I lay down on my bed to think about what I should do to my problematic life.